Blathr Wayne Lorentz

What is Blathr?
Showing blathrs with the tag “Nevada.”

Better late than never

Tuesday, November 15th, 2022 Alive 18,830 days

A late notification from the Constellation Apartments in Las Vegas, Nevada

I just received a notice from Constellation Apartments that my service request has been completed.

It's worth noting that I haven't lived at Constellation for 16 months.

I wonder what took them so long to fix.

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Extra pickles

Friday, October 28th, 2022 Alive 18,812 days

A holy, sacred McRib sammitch

I only rarely go to McDonaldʼs; maybe three or four times a year. So I was surprised and delighted to find itʼs McRib season!

The McRib is the finest fast food sandwich there is. Better than a double Fisch Mac. Better than Starbuckʼs Thanksgiving panini. Yes, better than Chick-fil-a.

Itʼs never McRib season in Las Vegas, so for the seven years I lived there, I had to make my own — Driving three hours across the Mojave Desert to the nearest McDonaldʼs that had them, in Barstow, California. I never did find out why the McDonaldʼs franchises in Vegas donʼt carry McRibs.

Here, in Houston, McRib does exist, so I grabbed a loaf of that sweet, smokey, salty, crunchy, sesame seeded goodness.

Pro tip: Serve the sandwich on top of a pile of fries so that the sauce drips onto the fries, and you donʼt waste any of it on the plate.

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Donʼt worry, theyʼll get their money

Friday, April 15th, 2022 Alive 18,616 days

An error message on the Nevada Department of Taxation web site

Itʼs one thing for Facebook to have a hiccup every now and again. Nothing important ever happened on Facebook.

But when the Nevada Department of Taxationʼs web site upchucks on tax day, itʼs cause for concern.

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Good location, though

Saturday, September 4th, 2021 Alive 18,393 days

I went to the Church of the Annunciation today. Itʼs one of those urban core Catholic churches that churches under the radar, serving its neighborhood for hundreds of years while the nearby cathedral gets all the attention. Most large American cities have one like this. Places like Saint Joan of Arc in Las Vegas, Assumption Catholic Church in Chicago, and the Basilica of Saint Mary in Minneapolis are other examples.

Annunciation is old-school, in both style, architecture, and message. While I did the special kind of musty funk that fills old American Catholic churches, Iʼve never been able to get used to using a Communion rail. Perhaps I have weak knees. Or I donʼt like people looking at my butt.

Still, if youʼre looking for a just-barely-this-side-of-Vatican-Ⅱ experience, this could be the place for you.

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Ignorance is bliss

Wednesday, August 11th, 2021 Alive 18,369 days

An ominous message from iOS

This is what happens when you move from a state with a COVID notification app to a state that lacks a COVID notification app.

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Signs of the times

Sunday, August 8th, 2021 Alive 18,366 days

Every electronic road sign in Nevada: “Keep Vegas open, get your shots now!”

Every electronic road sign in Arizona: “6.8 million doses administered so far. Get yours!”

Every electronic road sign in New Mexico: “Protect your family. Get your free COVID vaccine.”

Every electronic road sign in Texas: “Buckle up for safety!”

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Dangerous wet dogs

Friday, July 30th, 2021 Alive 18,357 days

The monsoon has been generous this year.

I never thought I would miss the smell of creosote, but I will. When the rain falls on tumbleweeds, it makes a weird wet dog smell. The outflow boundary from the thunderstorm carries the smell far and wide, and is a much more reliable indicator of rain coming than radar is.

If you're ever in a slot canyon or a dry gulch, and suddenly you smell a wet dog, run. I've lost count of the number of stories I've seen in the newspapers this year about hikers and homeless people killed in flash floods. Dozens, at least. Always under blue, unsuspecting skies. The news helicopters sometimes follow a flash flood coming off one of the mountains as it weaves through the gullies and washes. Once, KTNV showed a car speeding down the road trying to outrun the water. It didn't.

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Package deal

Saturday, July 24th, 2021 Alive 18,351 days

A list of fees at a UPS Store in Las Vegas, including $75.00 for the notary to perform a marriage ceremony

If you can get married at the UPS Store, you might be in Nevada.

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Everyone go to the window and stare

Monday, July 12th, 2021 Alive 18,339 days

A graphic from the National Weather Service celebrating one-tenth of an inch of rain

Pretty much the definition of “celebrate the little things.”

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Wholesome and surprisingly good

Sunday, July 4th, 2021 Alive 18,331 days

Goose Bumps coffee from Vesta Coffee

Todayʼs coffee is Goose Bumps from Vesta Coffee in Las Vegas.

The coffee is pretty good, considering it comes from a city that prides itself on being artificial, superficial, and doing things “good enough.” Itʼs very smooth, which might be attributed to the relentlessly mineralized water that Vegas siphons from Lake Mead, before returning it to the lake after being processed by four million kidneys. The stated notes are “chocolate, graham cracker, sweet.” I certainly get the chocolate, and a bit of the sweet. But Iʼm not sensitive enough to detect graham or any other type of cracker in my coffee. Still, this desert coffee isnʼt a dessert coffee. Itʼs a nice weekend morning coffee, or a good reward in the afternoon after accomplishing some minor, yet dreaded, task. Iʼd buy it again because I like my coffee the way I like my women: wholesome and surprisingly good.

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So… howʼs the game?

Friday, June 4th, 2021 Alive 18,301 days

A Sears Poker Plus cartridge

I got a new Atari cart today. Itʼs Poker Plus, the Sears version of Atariʼs Casino.

This is the text label version, which is what I prefer because that means its an older version, and what I would have had in my home, if my family had this cart in 1978. But we didnʼt.

The version of this game with the Sears picture label is more unusual, but not quite what one might call “rare.” Just seldom seen for sale.

Itʼs a very minor topic of discussion in the realm of Atari nerds that Sears spent a lot of time and money making its own artwork for the Atari games it licensed. There are plenty of debates over which is better. I donʼt have a preference. But I do note that the Sears imagery is often racier than the Atari version.

Here are the Atari and Sears picture labels of the same Casino/Poker Plus game.

Atariʼs Casino
Searsʼ Poker Plus, from eBay, since I donʼt have this version

The Atari one is fine, featuring a slim young woman in a strappy white evening frock engaged in severely constrained enthusiasm. The Sears one features a Vegas showgirl wearing low-rise panties, a feathered headdress, and nothing else. Sheʼs covering her breasts with her slender arms, but not out of shame, based on her smile.

As a resident of Las Vegas, I am uniquely positioned to decide which label is more accurate. And I can tell you that the Sears version is more correct.

Not because there are lots of gregarious topless showgirls roaming the casinos of Sin City. There arenʼt. Except for street buskers, the showgirls are all gone. Itʼs Miss Atari who is wrong. The notion of Vegas casinos being populated by well-dressed, glamorous, interesting people died in the late 1980ʼs. If she was done up in crop-top football jersey with a tattooed beer belly hanging over pajama bottoms and Crocs, toting a three-foot-long empty plastic beverage container and a grudge against Southwest Airlines, then she would fit right in.

But graceful white evening dress and statement jewelry? This isnʼt Monaco.

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Mr. Sandman

Friday, May 21st, 2021 Alive 18,287 days

Sandstorm weather forecast on an iPhone

Day two of the dust storm. Houston has crap air, too, but at least thatʼs just chemicals and not Mother Nature trying to bury the city.

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Hunker in the bunker

Friday, May 21st, 2021 Alive 18,287 days

A quick forecast from iOS

Today I learned that iOS has an icon for “sandstorm.”

Also, that I should say home today.

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On Dean Martin Drive

Wednesday, May 19th, 2021 Alive 18,285 days

A newspaper clipping listing locations to get a COVID shot

If you get a COVID shot at a strip club, you might live in Las Vegas.

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Good day for a book

Sunday, May 16th, 2021 Alive 18,282 days

A rainy day at the market in Seattle in January, 2011

The atmosphere is having a nice little hissy fit in Las Vegas right now. A touch of rain about an hour ago, and now a windstorm. More interestingly, we had some thunder. We hardly ever get thunder here, because with the effort involved in getting over the mountains, thereʼs usually not enough energy for lightning. Itʼs the same story in Seattle.

People talk about all the rain in Seattle, but itʼs almost always a very calm, gentle rain. What the Navajos call “female rain.” I donʼt know what the Quileute in La Push, Washington call it. But when we visited, Darcie took a smooth rock home from the beach, and didnʼt find out later that youʼre not supposed to do that. We ended up having all kinds of bad luck right after that. Go figure.

Thereʼs a Door Dash guy trying to deliver something soggy and greasy to my neighbor, and the wind just made off with his big red bag. Run, Dasher, run!

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That red spec is the Desert Truckster

Saturday, April 24th, 2021 Alive 18,260 days

Death Valley, as seen from a hill in the Pahrump Valley Wilderness

My wife bought me a new lens for my camera for my birthday. Seems like a good excuse to visit Death Valley again.

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Just the tips

Friday, April 23rd, 2021 Alive 18,259 days

Screenshot from Apple Maps

If a nearby nail salon is called “Hand Job,” you might live in Las Vegas.

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Monday, April 19th, 2021 Alive 18,255 days

Darcie taking pictures at Crystal Springs in Ash Meadows National Wildlife Refuge
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Itʼs not easy being green

Sunday, April 18th, 2021 Alive 18,254 days

An unwanted frog

I like toads. I always have. But I donʼt know if Iʼm supposed to like this toad, or not.

Itʼs a California Toad, a subspecies of the Western Toad. The problem is that itʼs living on the edge of a very small spring that is the only home of the hyper-endangered Amargosa Dace, a type of pupfish.

The pupfish only live in this one little hole; nowhere else on earth. The toads live all over the West, from the Rockies to Alaska to Mexico.

In centuries past, settlers populated the isolated springs and oases of the Mojave Desert with frogs, in order to use them for food. Tiny, slimy, amphibious cattle. In doing so, they wiped out many populations of endangered fish.

Thatʼs why this toad may not belong here. He may be a descendant of hungry and industrious settlers of the 1800ʼs. Or he may have been here all along, since this is still California Toad territory.

Iʼd ask someone, but these are COVID times, so none of the nearby ranger stations are manned.

A California Toad and his mate, basking in the sun
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One bad ass

Saturday, April 17th, 2021 Alive 18,253 days

A posse of burros in Beatty, Nevada

You think youʼre a bad ass? You think youʼre hard core? You ainʼt nothinʼ compared to the burros of the American West.

The lesser-traveled parts of this nation are infested with feral burros. They were brought out here to help the miners. When the miners went away, they left their companions behind. Itʼs all very sad.

Heʼs so lonely

Today, there are far more burros than the sparse desert environment can support, and many of them suffer. The federal government spends your tax dollars doing what it can to try to keep the population down, but a burroʼs gotta burro. Every now and again, there is a roundup of feral burros, much to the howls of online environmentalist poseurs who have only seen them on the internet, have never actually studied them in person, and donʼt have a better solution.

The captured burros are offered for adoption, but just like with humans, there are never enough homes for all of those who need one. Unlike humans, some of the adopted burros end up in illegal slaughterhouses, and thence as food for people and and pets in Asia, and rumor has it — France.

These burros are in the town of Beatty, Nevada. Theyʼre so used to being around people, and not giving fuck one what anyone thinks of them that they regularly block traffic, stare in windows, and generally make a comic nuisance of themselves.

They are the unofficial mascots of Beatty, and there have been some efforts to make them a tourist attraction. But tourists generally donʼt cuddle up to attractions that take a dump wherever they like.

“None shall pass!”
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Ram tough

Thursday, April 15th, 2021 Alive 18,251 days

Bighorn sheep in Valley of Fire State Park

If this is what rush hour looks like, you may be in the Valley of Fire.

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Slippery When Wet

Thursday, April 15th, 2021 Alive 18,251 days

A road through Valley of Fire State Park

This is either the Long and Winding Road, or the Yellow Brick Road, depending on your age and taste in popular entertainment.

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Monday, April 12th, 2021 Alive 18,248 days

A day in the Valley of Fire with Darcie.

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Iʼll hold it

Monday, April 12th, 2021 Alive 18,248 days

The menʼs room at Death Valley Nut and Candy

Amazingly, the menʼs room at Death Valley Nut and Candy isnʼt the worst public restroom Iʼve ever used.

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Monday, April 12th, 2021 Alive 18,248 days

Darcie looks out over the ghost town Rhyolite, Nevada
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Bullfrog works

Saturday, April 10th, 2021 Alive 18,246 days

I think one of the reasons that people like the ghost town of Rhyolite is because it balances itself in that special state of decay where you can see that itʼs all going to be dust soon, but thereʼs enough left that you can imagine slices of what it used to be when thousands of people lived here and it was called “The Chicago of the West.”

Rhyolite used to have bars, hotels, gold mines, and several competing newspapers. Today, it only has one resident. But that may change soon. A Canadian company is doing some work to determine if itʼs worth re-opening the old gold mines again. If it happens, it would be really interesting to see if the town comes back, or if its designation as a quasi-state park will make that impossible.

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Frogs and flies

Saturday, April 10th, 2021 Alive 18,246 days

Hereʼs a very sad picture. At least in modern times.

In centuries past, this little hole in the ground was a life-saver. For pioneers, for local indian tribes, and for many others it provided vital water in the desert wilderness. Today, though, itʼs a reminder of things gone wrong.

This is Longstreet Spring, at Ash Meadows National Wildlife Refuge. Itʼs a boiling spring, which isnʼt a reference to the temperature of the water, but to the way the water forces itself up through a layer of sand at the bottom, making it look like the bottom of the pond is boiling.

This used to be the home of a thriving population of endangered fish. The fish are gone now, eaten by frogs brought by the pioneers. Today, all that live here are frogs and the insects that feed them.

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Wednesday, March 31st, 2021 Alive 18,236 days

KNPR-HD3/Las Vegas on my radio

I think thatʼs too many exclamation points for smooth jazz.

Dixieland, maybe.

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Two kinds of gambling

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2021 Alive 18,208 days

A COVID occupancy limit sign at Caesars Palace

Having a 25% occupancy cap is not reassuring in any way when that means you still have to share the air with 11,018 other people.

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A peak performance

Friday, February 12th, 2021 Alive 18,189 days

Sunrise illuminating the Rainbow Mountains

Sunrise was a little bit different today, so I broke out the good camera. I'll have to do some processing on it to get out the grain, but it's OK for this hour of the morning.

The clouds are over California. The mountain in front is Griffith Peak (11,063 feet), and the one in its shadow is Charleston Peak (11,916 feet).

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Weʼre all damaged goods

Thursday, January 21st, 2021 Alive 18,167 days

A friend of mine is mad at me because I wouldn't go have dinner with him when he was in town last week. Too bad, the COVID positivity rate in Vegas is through the roof. Iʼm not going to just hang out in a casino like nothing is wrong.

His entire family had it and recovered, so he thinks it's OK to take everyone to Vegas for his daughter's birthday. In his mind, if he's safe, that's all that matters.

Never mind the maids, bartenders, airline staff, janitors, and everyone else that has to risk their lives so he can have a good time. He should know better, because he's a scientist. Then again, as I've learned getting older, being smart at one thing doesn't make you smart at everything.

I know a doctor in Chicago who thinks drinking his own pee will help him live forever. I know a TV anchor in Phoenix who doesn't believe in dinosaurs. Not as a religious thing. They just don't fit into the way her brain works. My old neighbor is an international airline pilot, and doesn't believe COVID is real.

I guess everyone is crazy in their own way. I wonder what my major malfunction is.

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Sunday, January 3rd, 2021 Alive 18,149 days


There were clouds in the sky this morning, so we had a nice sunrise. Iʼd forgotten that this area can have some pretty nice sunrises, but you need clouds to make them happen.

We even got what I call a "double sunrise" — the sun coming up turns the clouds over Arizona all pinky-orange, and when it starts to crest the eastern mountains, it lights up the clouds over California, too, so thereʼs a nice sunrise no matter in what direction you look.

On clear mornings, we get what I call a "false sunrise," which is when the sunʼs rays bounce off the bronze glass of the casino towers and make it look like the sun is rising in the west.

Most people here never see the sunrise, or the sunset. The houses have few windows, and people generally keep their shades drawn at all times. They might as well live in a steel shipping container.

Darcie and I enjoy the sun and the sky and let in all the light we can. Or at least all the light the windows will allow. They have several layers of coatings on them to keep the heat out, and it kills most of the color, too. This morningʼs sunrise was blood red in plain air from the balcony, orange from the dining room windows, and just a bland yellow from the library.

When I was starting on my career path in my 20ʼs, I made sure I went into a field that would keep me from spending all day locked in an office like my parents were. I guess I screwed that one up.

I predict that when we donʼt have to wear masks anymore, women will go nuts wearing bold lipstick colors just because they can. Equip your wife appropriately before the rush starts.

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Minimally moist

Friday, December 18th, 2020 Alive 18,133 days

The front page of the Las Vegas Review-Journal December 18, 2020

You know you live in the desert when the newspaperʼs big front page ballyhoo is over 0.04 inches of rain.

After 240 days, youʼd think we could do better than 0.04 inches, though.

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Saturday, November 7th, 2020 Alive 18,092 days

I saw the paperboy for the first time today. She had lots and lots of newspapers in her arms for my building, so I don’t feel like weird old Uncle Bert for getting newspapers anymore.

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Is it a boutonnière or a stick pin?

Tuesday, October 13th, 2020 Alive 18,067 days

A screenshot from KLAS-TV

This is why being a weatherman in Las Vegas is the easiest job in broadcasting.

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What could possibly go wrong?

Sunday, September 20th, 2020 Alive 18,044 days

The Entertainment section of the September 20, 2020 Las Vegas Review-Journal

According to todayʼs paper, you can now crush a car, operate heavy machinery, shoot a machine gun, detonate explosives, drive a monster truck, launch flaming arrows, blast flame-throwers, and drink yourself into a stupor all in one place. Because doing all those separately was too much work.

Oh, and thereʼs a brothel on the other side of the ridge.

I can only assume this started with someone from Texas saying, “Yʼknow, thereʼs just too many rules around here.”

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Gamblers all

Saturday, September 12th, 2020 Alive 18,036 days

Las Vegas is a different place since things have opened up a bit. Because the hotel rates have dropped so much, itʼs brought in the worst people. This is something that Darcie has known from day one, but itʼs only hitting the front pages of the local newspapers now.

Rooms that used to be $675 a night are now $100 or less. Itʼs gotten so bad that the head of Wynn Resorts went public saying that her regular customers are afraid to come to Las Vegas now. She says that some who have come to town have been afraid to leave their rooms, and wonʼt ever return.

Itʼs simply unprecedented for the head of a resort company to say anything bad about the industry, or its guests. But things are pretty bad out there now.

I went to the supermarket yesterday. I think itʼs the first time since April.

It looks like theyʼre skipping Halloween this year. There was just one small Halloween display. No aisle dedicated to candy and decorations and such. Pumpkins are only five bucks. I donʼt think Iʼve ever seen a pumpkin for under $15 here. Workers were putting together Thanksgiving and Christmas displays, but those, too, looked small. It seems like the supermarkets are mostly skipping all of the holidays this year.

Maybe because hardly anyone goes to the store anymore. It was almost vacant when I went there on Friday at 6pm. Still, even with no customers, there were still large gaps in the stock. The toilet paper aisle is about ⅓ full, which is an improvement. Still no cleaning supplies, though. Half the deli is empty. No salami or corned beef to be found anywhere, so I had to settle for pastrami. Pasta and soup sections were mostly empty. So were some other sections that I couldnʼt identify because they were not only devoid of product, the store didnʼt even bother to put up price tags.

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When everything is an emergency, nothing is an emergency

Tuesday, September 1st, 2020 Alive 18,025 days

An EAS alert from Clark County, Nevada

How to get people to turn off the emergency alert feature on their phones in two easy steps:

  1. Use the EAS system to tell people to get COVID tests.
  2. There is no step two.
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Nobody likes you

Sunday, August 30th, 2020 Alive 18,023 days

Morning Blend from Cowboy Joe

Todayʼs coffee is Morning Blend from Cowboy Joe up in Elko again.

I actually ordered a single Buckaroo Blend from the web site, but they ran out. Since Cowboy Joe is literally a one-person coffee shop, Joe sent me two Morning Blends as compensation.

Every roaster seems to have a “morning blend.” Iʼm not sure what it is about any of them that is supposed to evoke morning, but this is a good coffee. Basic, but nice and smooth and low-acid, the way I like it. Itʼs the sort of coffee Iʼd give to someone visiting the house if I didnʼt know what kind of coffee they liked, or if I ever had visitors.

Iʼve lived in Las Vegas for seven years now, and had exactly one visitor — a friend of Darcieʼs from Poland. This, even though pretty much every person Iʼve ever met has come to visit the city since I moved here, but then only told me after they left. Perhaps thatʼs meaningful.

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A one cow town

Friday, July 10th, 2020 Alive 17,972 days

A “Keep one cow apart” sign in the Nevada state capitol

Remember how the Navajo were advised to stay two sheep apart from one another? I guess the Nevada legislature is made up of cowboys, because this sign in the capitol was in todayʼs paper.

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Itʼs a weather balloon

Saturday, June 6th, 2020 Alive 17,938 days

A screenshot of the Flightradar24 app

I had this app when I lived in Chicago, too. But itʼs much more interesting to use it here in Nevada.

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Tuesday, May 26th, 2020 Alive 17,927 days

If I worked for a gambling addiction treatment center, Iʼd set up a table in front of all these casinos that are re-opening to record crowds.

It seems logical that the closer to the front of the line someone is, the more help they need.

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Put it on their bills

Thursday, April 2nd, 2020 Alive 17,873 days

Las Vegas locked down is a weird place. With no humans on The Strip, the city is being taken over by waterfowl.

Local media has been showing photos and video of geese and ducks all over the casinos. The theory is that they're attracted by the people-less fountains. Last week, I saw some video of a family of ducks that have made a home in one of the revolving doors of The Bellagio.

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Sunday, March 8th, 2020 Alive 17,848 days

The good thing about the plague is that itʼs made things quiet again.

When I first moved to this block, almost all of the homes were military households; mostly Air Force and Nevada National Security Site people (mathematicians, nuclear physicists). Couples, no kids. It was always so silent around here, and I would sit on my bench on the front stoop and read my newspapers in peace.

Then last year all of the military households were relocated en masse. New people moved in. An architect family. A massage therapist family. A guy running some kind of fleaBay business out of his garage. A family from New York via Malawi, Frankfurt, and Copenhagen. Ordinary people and many many kids.

As recently as last weekend, the block was alive after 3pm and on weekends. The guy tinkering on his car. The knot of ladies and their fashion accessory dogs. The guy flying model airplanes and home-made drones at the end of the street. Mexican polka music wafting through the palm trees. And about 20 children running, jumping, throwing things, and playing at murdering one another. Noise. Noise Noise.

Now everyone is afraid to go outside. The block is silent. Once again, the block belongs to me, my newspapers, and my coffee.

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You belong in a museum

Saturday, February 22nd, 2020 Alive 17,833 days

An electronics museum exhibit at the Clark County Public Library

My local library sometimes has little museum exhibits in it. Today I noticed some new artifacts on display, including an Atari 2600 of the sort I played just last week.

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Thatʼs what happens when you use the garage as a front door

Sunday, January 5th, 2020 Alive 17,785 days

Today is January 5th. My neighbors just removed the Halloween pumpkins from their front porch.

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Wafers for lunch

Saturday, January 4th, 2020 Alive 17,784 days

Guardian Angel Cathedral dwarfed by the Encore casino

One of the things I miss about not working in the office anymore is that I canʼt squeeze in a quick lunchtime mass anymore.

I sometimes used to go to the noon mass at Guardian Angel Cathedral, but it wasnʼt exactly a contemplative atmosphere. Standing room only, and half of it tourists. Thereʼs a special Catholic church just for the tourists, paid for by the casinos, but the tourists still end up at Guardian Angel. I guess being a cathedral, itʼs got more gravity.

I see stories in the media all the time saying that church is dying, but I canʼt help but think this is just a cliché, and not based on facts. Yes, churches in Chicago are closing all the time, but thatʼs because of bad decisions made by the archdiocese in the early 1900ʼs.

Because the various immigrant groups in Chicago couldnʼt get along, instead of having a church for each neighborhood, each neighborhood was given several churches — one for each ethnicity/nationality/community. So, Bridgeport, for example, had a bunch of Catholic churches: one for Germans, one for Poles, one for Lithuanians, one for Irish. But now that everyone gets along, all those churches arenʼt needed, so theyʼre constantly consolidating. The church I went to in Chicago (Assumption) was an Italian church, formed because Italians in that area of town werenʼt welcome at what is now Old Saint Patrickʼs Church.

Here in Las Vegas, and most of the southwest, there simply arenʼt enough Catholic churches for the number of people who want to use them. I go to Saint Elizabeth either for the 4pm Saturday, or the 6am on Sunday, and both times it is absolutely packed. This is a church with a capacity of at least 750, which to me seems pretty big. Iʼve heard from a person I know in Ohio who says itʼs the same situation there.

There are Roman Catholic congregations here that meet in the lyceum of the Lutheran high school down the street, for lack of space. We had a similar situation in Seattle, where the noon mass at the cathedral was so packed that there was another Catholic mass down the street at the Unitarian church.

I feel bad for the people who live in small towns around here. Amargosa Valley and Pioche are 250 miles apart, and have to share a priest, so they only get a single mass every other week. Other towns only get mass once a month. Because of this, we have special dispensation from the Archdiocese of San Francisco to watch mass on TV. The church I go to records a mass on Thursdays that is broadcast state-wide Sunday morning. Thereʼs no communion, naturally, but it still counts somehow.

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Nice pad

Tuesday, November 26th, 2019 Alive 17,745 days

The emergency helipad at Red Rock Canyon

This is where I go sometimes after work to just sit and think. Thereʼs nothing here except a picnic bench, some tumbleweeds, and the occasional wild horse. The helipad is used to remove the bodies of the injured and dead tourists who donʼt take the desert seriously.

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Should have listened to the Fiat GPS

Monday, October 21st, 2019 Alive 17,709 days

A dirt road across the Nevada desert

Dear Apple Maps,

This is not State Highway 87.

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Darkeness is next

Friday, July 26th, 2019 Alive 17,622 days

A grasshopper munching on a cactus in front of my house

Every once in a while Las Vegas is invaded by locusts.

There were 37 on the door when I got to work yesterday. Plus eleven more in the lunch room and nine in the hall.

Imagine that. A plague of locusts descending on a city of sinners in the desert. Sounds appropriately Biblical.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

Valley of Fire State Park

Any minute now Matt Damon is going to pop up and ask to be rescued.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

An ignored warning sign

You can tell this is a “dangerous area” and that “this is not a trail” by the five million bootprints going around the warning sign.

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The road, she is closed

Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

A road closed sign

Lunch is down in that valley. Itʼs a 40 mile detour.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

The reds of the Valley of Fire, as it actually often appears to the human eye, which is hard for people who live in humid places to understand

When I load photos of Valley of Fire into programs like Lightroom, they automatically crank the color down 15 notches because the programmers at Adobe in Seattle canʼt conceive of a place that isnʼt as humid and grey as where they live.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

The skeleton of a cactus

Seeing a cactus skeleton is a good way to understand how much water they store.

The large black things are hare droppings. The tiny black dots that cover everything is called cryptobiotic soil: “cyanobacteria that cement the soil together. It provides nutrients for plants and seeds, and increases the soil topography which allows greater moisture absorption. This crust is only a few millimeters thick and is easily destroyed when walked on. Recovery can take between 7 and 250 years. Please donʼt walk on it.”

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

The Valley of Fire

Pay no attention to the 200-foot-tall rock monsters crawling out of the chasm.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

The Valley of Fire

“You got your limestone in my sandstone!”

“You got your sandstone in my limestone!”

Two great rocks that rock great together.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

The Valley of Fire

Ribbons of quartz separate the layers of sandstone.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

Animal tracks in The Valley of Fire

Bighorn sheep tracks, followed by big-ass cat tracks. Lunch is served

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

A tortoise crossing sign

This may be the only occasion when a tortoise has been described as having a wild life.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

A road through the Valley of Fire

The speed limit is 25 MPH. Itʼll take a year to get over that mountain!

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

The Valley of Fire

I took the Hasselblad out to the Valley of Fire today. My main lens is just about toast because so much sand gets into it on these trips.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

Bighorn sheep

Stag party at the Valley of Fire on a Saturday evening.

(Theyʼre actually rams, not stags, but I couldnʼt think of anything to say for “ram.”)

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

Fred the Chuckwalla in his tank

Darcie spent 20 minutes communing with Fred the Chuckwalla.

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Monday, February 18th, 2019 Alive 17,464 days

Cactus with a snowy crown

The Great Presidents Day Blizzard of 2019. We will rebuild.

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Sunday, February 17th, 2019 Alive 17,463 days

A snowy night in Summerlin

The kid on me thinks all this snow is awesome.

The adult in me remembers that Nevada has six snow plows for an area the size of New Jersey. And the city of Las Vegas has exactly zero.

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Sunday, February 17th, 2019 Alive 17,463 days

A tiny snowman

Not my best work, but Iʼm 30 years out of practice.

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Sunday, February 17th, 2019 Alive 17,463 days

Iʼm glad Iʼm off tomorrow. I donʼt think you can even buy snow tires in this town.

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Tuesday, February 12th, 2019 Alive 17,458 days

A guy getting handcuffed by MetroCops

Meanwhile, outside my office window, in the middle of traffic…

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Tuesday, February 5th, 2019 Alive 17,451 days

A blow out on Saint Louis Boulevard

Yes, reusing plastic shopping bags is one way to save on airline baggage fees when visiting Las Vegas.

But in case your oversized TJMaxx carrier blows out a block from your hotel, disgorging all of your worldly possessions onto sidewalk, you might want to have a Plan B.

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Monday, February 4th, 2019 Alive 17,450 days

This is what happens when a homeless guy watches too much Marie Kondo on Netflix.

At least he has the sense to keep the waffle iron.

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Very very Vegas

Sunday, February 3rd, 2019 Alive 17,449 days

A Louis Vuitton-themed house in Las Vegas

I came across this house on my way home from church this morning.

At first I thought it was over the top. But the Chinese dog statue and Bart Simpson really tone it down.

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Thursday, January 17th, 2019 Alive 17,432 days

A guy getting changed in public

So this guy rolls up on his motorcycle, pulls a suit bag out of his pannier and hangs it in a tree. Then he pulls out a big tub of Windex Wipes and gives himself a full bath — underbits and all — while standing in the parking lot. Then he unzips the suit bag, puts on a tuxedo, and walks away down the street. Ta da!

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Saturday, January 12th, 2019 Alive 17,427 days

A Nevada Telephone payphone in California

You know your California town is small when the phone service comes from Nevada.

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Friday, January 11th, 2019 Alive 17,426 days

A stalled stagcoach

The next stagecoach to Tonopah will be… delayed.

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Friday, January 11th, 2019 Alive 17,426 days

Coffee at Melʼs Diner

If I had a brazillion dollars, I wouldnʼt have a kitchen. Iʼd have a diner built into my house. And every morning Iʼd have diner coffee.

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Friday, January 11th, 2019 Alive 17,426 days

Beatty, Nevada

I like places where I feel like I should tiptoe to the car with my luggage because the town is so quiet.

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Robotic leverage

Sunday, January 6th, 2019 Alive 17,421 days

A self-driving car on The Strip

Always get behind the self-driving cars. Computers know which lane is the fastest.

Self-driving cars in Nevada have special license plates that start with “AU.”

A sample autonomous license plate from the Nevada DMV web site. For some reason it shows “AD,” when it should read “AU.”
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Sunday, December 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,407 days

A message from Clark County, Nevada

If the local government encourages you to take your family to one of the county shooting ranges on Christmas Eve and discharge firearms to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, you may live in Nevada.

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Saturday, December 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,406 days

A link thumbnail for the Clark County Coronerʼs Office gift shop

If the coronerʼs office has a gift shop, you might live in Las Vegas.

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Saturday, December 8th, 2018 Alive 17,392 days

The new Las Vegas Aviators logo

Yay! The minor league baseball team down the street changed its name, so now we donʼt have the worst logo in baseball history anymore!

Oh, wait…

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Thursday, December 6th, 2018 Alive 17,390 days

A grackle checking things out on my side of the glass

“Oh, hi!”

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Wednesday, December 5th, 2018 Alive 17,389 days

A broken down bendy bus

In my mind I like to think that the bus driver simply said, “Fuck it. Iʼm out!” and walked away from his bus. But reality is less dramatic.

He probably just died at the wheel.

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Tuesday, December 4th, 2018 Alive 17,388 days

A Hooters Christmas Tree

If your neighborhood Christmas tree display has a tree from the Hooters Casino, you might live in Las Vegas.

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Tuesday, December 4th, 2018 Alive 17,388 days

A person who is both optimistic and thirsty

He picked up the discarded Wild Turkey jug, slurped out the homeless guyʼs backwash, and tossed it aside for the next guy.


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Friday, November 30th, 2018 Alive 17,384 days

Legs stretching

After a long night of walking the streets trying to convince drunk conventioneers that youʼre a woman, it feels good to stretch your kinky boots.

And using a utility pedestal is a handy way to stretch your hamstrings.

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Tuesday, November 27th, 2018 Alive 17,381 days

A Mob Month poster at a Clark County library

If the library is holding “Mob Month,” you might live in Las Vegas. Or New York. Or Chicago. Or Pittsburgh. Oh, never mind.

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Wednesday, November 21st, 2018 Alive 17,375 days

An error message caused by the Nevada Secretary of Stateʼs web site

The good news is it isnʼt just banks that constantly have borked web sites.

The bad news is that the Nevada Secretary of State is farkled now.

I hope everyone didnʼt go home for the long weekend already.

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Tuesday, November 20th, 2018 Alive 17,374 days

A woman pulling branches off of the tree outside my office window

Again? Why canʼt women keep their hands off of my tree?

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Friday, November 9th, 2018 Alive 17,363 days

Peanut brittle workers at the Mars factory

If youʼve ever wondered how peanuts get brittled, this is it.

Behold the peanut brittlers of the Ethel M candy factory.

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Donʼt be a prick

Friday, November 9th, 2018 Alive 17,363 days

The Ethel M Cactus Garden

I wish I could decorate the cacti in my garden like this, but I just donʼt have the gloves for it.

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Friday, November 9th, 2018 Alive 17,363 days

The melting tanks at the Ethel M chocolate factory

Youʼre melting welcome.

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Friday, November 9th, 2018 Alive 17,363 days

The Ethel M chocolate factory

There arenʼt a lot of women you can take to a candy factory for a date. Darcie is that woman.

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Wednesday, November 7th, 2018 Alive 17,361 days

A woman caught by a bush

If youʼre fleeing from the police, donʼt try to hide under the bush in front of my office window. Because when the cops catch up to you and you try to run, your purse will get snagged on the branches, and no amount of texting will keep you from being frogmarched down to the curb in handcuffs.

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Winning is what matters

Wednesday, November 7th, 2018 Alive 17,361 days

Electrion results

Meanwhile, in Nevada… a dead brothel owner whom the newspapers say police suspect was poisoned by 1990ʼs “Hollywood Madam” Heidi Fleiss after going for a midnight drive with diminutive porn star Ron Jeremy following his 72nd birthday party with a bunch of hookers has won the 36th District.

Did I mention thatʼs heʼs also dead?

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Wednesday, November 7th, 2018 Alive 17,361 days

Woo hoo! Clark County is the last county in the entire nation to start counting votes.

We put the “bent” in incumbent!

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Tuesday, November 6th, 2018 Alive 17,360 days

A man with lots of purses

It looks like the neighborhood purse snatcher stepped in something. I guess he deserves it since he has two purses in his hand and three on his back.

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Monday, November 5th, 2018 Alive 17,359 days

Schools are closed tomorrow. For Election Day. Why?

Because Clark County needs to use the schools as polling places.

So kids who canʼt even vote get Election Day off.

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Tuesday, October 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,346 days

A song and dance man

Todayʼs lesson from the office window: If you tell the cops that thing they found while frisking you is a harmonica, be prepared to sing and dance.

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Friday, October 19th, 2018 Alive 17,342 days

A Clark County “I Voted” sticker

God help us all.

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Tuesday, October 16th, 2018 Alive 17,339 days

A car smashed to bits outside my office window

Back to work day. The window never fails to entertain.

California license plate. Must be a local.

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Tuesday, October 2nd, 2018 Alive 17,325 days

The view from a limo ride home

Itʼs nice to be a passenger for a change. Too bad thereʼs nothing to see

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Saturday, September 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,315 days

A lady watching stripper videos in line at the Apple Store

If the lady ahead of you in line at the Apple Store to pick up a new iPhone is watching stripper videos on Instagram, you might be in Las Vegas.

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Friday, September 21st, 2018 Alive 17,314 days

What appears to be the correct footwear for standing in line

I never know which shoes to wear to stand in line at the Apple Store. Iʼm glad someone has confidence in her footwear choices.

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Thursday, September 20th, 2018 Alive 17,313 days

A woman yanking branches off of a tree

Why is it that women keep attacking the tree outside my office window?

This chick hiked up her dress, adjusted her lady parts, and then went to town on the foliage.

After loading up on branches, she strolled off down the street, just like the other one did!

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Wednesday, September 19th, 2018 Alive 17,312 days

A conspicuous person

“I just traded my shoes for this speedball. Mind if I shoot up right outside your office window? I don't think the people in the seven lanes of traffic will mind.”

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Saturday, September 15th, 2018 Alive 17,308 days

My neighbor across the street is standing in his driveway putting together a brand new, enormous red scythe! Heʼs from Russia, so he really knows how to hammer that sickle!

In other news, there is no Soviet flag emoji.

In other other news, someplace around here sells seven-foot-long scythes!

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Thursday, September 13th, 2018 Alive 17,306 days

A woman debranching the tree outside my office window

“Hi, there. Iʼm building a temple to my Earth goddess in the abandoned Burger King across the street, so Iʼm collecting samples of all the trees in the neighborhood to sacrifice in my Gender Studies class. Can I rip some branches off of your tree and put them in my blue bucket? K, thanks! Also, Iʼm high as fuck.”

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Wednesday, September 12th, 2018 Alive 17,305 days

Construction cones outside my office window

Construction cones have appeared. Change is in the air.

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Monday, September 10th, 2018 Alive 17,303 days

A hat in the tree outside my office window

Charlie Brownʼs kite-eating tree has developed an appetite for hats.

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Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

Darcie playing a Goonies slot machine at The Mirage

Darcie is becoming a Goonie in 25¢ increments.

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Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

Darcie tucking into dinner

“No, Darcie. Keep eating. I'm just taking a picture of my sammitch.”

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Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

Dinner at the Carnegie Deli

Darcie took me to the last Carnegie Deli for our anniversary. Sammitches so big I had to back up to take the picture.

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Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

Darcie supping on soup, while a knish awaits its fate

We're not Red Sea pedestrians, but we love matzah ball soup and a good knish!

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Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

The sports betting area at The Mirage

For those of you in states considering legalizing sports betting, this is what you're in for.

× 100.

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Wednesday, August 29th, 2018 Alive 17,291 days

A couchless sidewalk

Day 9: The couch has been called home. Godspeed, Stains McComfortson.

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Tuesday, August 28th, 2018 Alive 17,290 days

Someone smoking on the sidewalk couch

Day 8: itʼs now a smoking couch

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Monday, August 27th, 2018 Alive 17,289 days

A sidewalk couch adorned with clothing

Day 7: A guy does a little dance in traffic, then takes off his clothes, puts them on the couch and strides toward the Stratosphere. I think heʼs already there.

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Friday, August 24th, 2018 Alive 17,286 days

A sidewalk couch nap

Day 4: 11:30am - That moment when you realize that the couch in your living room is less comfortable than a couch discarded along the side of the road

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Friday, August 24th, 2018 Alive 17,286 days

A refreshed furnishing

Day 4: 8am. After a good nightʼs rest the couch is ready for another day.

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Friday, August 24th, 2018 Alive 17,286 days

A sidewalk smoke break

Day 4: 8:15am - Iʼll just leave my baby stroller over there while I sit down on this abandoned couch by the side of the road and have a smoke.

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Thursday, August 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,285 days

A book, couch, and nugget dross

Day 3: 3pm - Nobody has shown an interest in the couch all day. So I left a book on it to see what happens. Also it appears someone ate McNuggets on it overnight.

15 minutes later…

A reading lounge is born
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Wednesday, August 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,284 days

A sidewalk furniture mover

Day 2: 12pm - The healing power of Jesus allows the guy in the mobility scooter to heft the couch out of his way.

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Wednesday, August 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,284 days

A nap in the shade

Day 2: 11am. A smart guy would have turned the couch the other way so he could get both shade and a comfy nap. Unless he thinks the couch is dirtier than the sidewalk.

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Wednesday, August 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,284 days

An upturned sidewalk couch

Day two: 8am

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Tuesday, August 21st, 2018 Alive 17,283 days

A sidewalk couch

And then there are days when you get to work and someoneʼs parked a couch outside your window.

15 minutes later…

A weary traveler
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Wednesday, August 15th, 2018 Alive 17,277 days

Outside the supermarket: an entire articulated transit bus wrapped with 12-foot-high letters spelling out “Gonorrhea Alert!”

Inside the supermarket: An announcement on the P.A. system letting me know that I can make child support payments while I shop.

Iʼve got to move to a better neighborhood.

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Saturday, August 11th, 2018 Alive 17,273 days

A map of a portion of Las Vegas, Nevada

This is what happens when real estate developers run out of names.

“Yeah, hello, Pizza Hut guy? Yeah, take a left on Spiced Butter Rum, then a right on Macadamia Nut, then a left on Frapuccino… *click* Hello?”

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Friday, August 10th, 2018 Alive 17,272 days

The aviation museum at McCarren Airport

Five hours to kill at the airport. I guess Iʼll be the only person to ever go into the aviation museum.

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Friday, August 10th, 2018 Alive 17,272 days

An ad running during the annual Black Hat convention

This is why four weeks a year it is not a good idea to take your phone to The Strip. I keep mine off at work while these hacker conferences are going on.

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Monday, August 6th, 2018 Alive 17,268 days

The installation of a photo opportunity

And then there are days when you show up for work and the city is installing 40-foot-tall light-up neon showgirls on the sidewalk. This city is a slave to Instygram.

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Monday, July 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,254 days

123° in the shade on the car thermometer

Weʼve been pretty lucky this summer. It looks like our luck is about to run out.

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Sunday, July 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,253 days

A susiciously-formed egg

This morning my egg formed itself into a perfect circle. And I donʼt even own a ring mold.

Itʼs also Red Flag week on the other side of town. Coincidence?

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Saturday, July 14th, 2018 Alive 17,245 days

Part of the menu at the Omelet House in Las Vegas, Nevada

This is what happens when you let Jerry Lewis eat breakfast in your diner too often.

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Saturday, July 14th, 2018 Alive 17,245 days

Screenshot from a local butcherʼs web site

Searching for a new butcher this morning, I was reminded once again that you can get anything in Vegas. Anything.

So if anyone needs any coyote chops, bobcat stew meat, peacock thighs, lion fish filets, or otter steaks, I know a place.

Also, guinea pig nards (apparently suitable for slow cookers) are $19.99 a set. A SET!

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Wednesday, July 11th, 2018 Alive 17,242 days

A mistake on the KLAS-TV morning news

Ordinarily Iʼd say that the technical director double-punched. But who am I kidding? In this marker, the director probably punches his own shows.

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Saturday, July 7th, 2018 Alive 17,238 days

A yard care truck

If you see yard care trucks with the phrase “We speak English” on them, you might live in Nevada.

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Tuesday, July 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,234 days

A Vegas Strong cup of coffee

Telling the barista that your name is “Vegas Strong” so they have to yell “Vegas Strong!” across the coffee shop when your drink is ready was cool for the first couple of weeks after the massacre. But now that everyone does it, nobody knows whoʼs drink is whose.

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Sunday, July 1st, 2018 Alive 17,232 days

There are only two occasions in life when you get to use the word "bevy." Quails and bathing beauties.

Guess which one ran in front of my car today.

Since I live in Las Vegas, the answer may not be as easy as it seems.

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Sunday, June 24th, 2018 Alive 17,225 days

An abandoned gas station

This service station is just a shell of its former self.

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Sunday, June 24th, 2018 Alive 17,225 days

An overdone art car

Not all artists understand thereʼs a difference between an art car, and a barnacle-encrusted Spanish galleon.

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Sunday, June 24th, 2018 Alive 17,225 days

An old west cemetery

The last burial in this cemetery was in 1911.

So the lesson we learn today is to forget fancy Italian marble. If you want your grave marker to last 107 years, have it made out of railroad ties and punched metal.

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Sunday, June 24th, 2018 Alive 17,225 days

Expensive emergency gas

When the nearest gas station is 94 miles away, you can charge $12 for two gallons of gas.

I found an ever pricier place down the road, commanding $20 a pop.

You call the number on the sign, give the person who answers your credit card number, and they give you the combination to the gas locker.

I can't believe I didn't think of this first.

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Saturday, June 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,224 days

Mutant cacti

It doesn't matter where I move my plants in the house, they still do this crazy shit in the direction of Area 51.

Freaking UFOʼs.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

Mutant cacti

If your house plants start doing this, you might live too close to Area 51.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

A lovely day at the Southern Nevada Railroad.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

The desert outside Boulder City

Dramatic sky is dramatic.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

The El Rancho Boulder motel

The wifi is a lie. It’s only in the office, not the rooms.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

A retired nuclear workhorse

Most people donʼt realize that there are other “areas” in the Nevada National Security Site besides Area 51. This railroad engine used to haul nuclear rocket engines around Area 25 before it crashed.

In other news, “nuclear rocket engines” are a thing.

Hereʼs whatʼs on the plaque:


In 2006, the Nevada State Railroad Museum acquired this 500 horsepower, 161,000 lb. diesel-electric locomotive from the U.S. Department of Energy. It was built in 1953 by the General Electric Company and initially served at a U.S. Naval facility before being overhauled and relocated to the Nevada Test Site in 1964. There, the locomotive was routinely used to transport nuclear powered rocket engines to various test stations.

The nuclear rocket program began in 1955 when the Atomic Energy Commission and the U.S. Air Force began various thermal reactor studies for the first assembly of a prototype rocket engine. During the 1960s and 70s the U.S. Government constructed several rocket development stations at Area 25 and connected them with their own series of railroad tracks, thus allowing easy movement of the rocket engines from one test station to the next throughout the sprawling site.

The unique name “Jackass and Western” stenciled on the side of the locomotive comes from the geographic location in which Area 25 is situated. Jackass Flats is one of several flats located at the Nevada Test Site, such as Frenchman Flats and Yucca Flats where most of the actual atomic testing took place during the mid to late 20th century.

The Jackass and Western Railroad operated as a charted common carrier until the U.S. Government suspended the nuclear rocket engine program in the mid-1980s at which time the locomotive sat idle and was put into storage.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

An improvised spelling of “wifi” on a sign

It looks like the Sands Motel is fresh outta Wʼs. Jam a couple of Vʼs together, and nobody will notice.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

A sign at the Nevada Inn

Did this motel just compliment me on my butt?

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

The Best Western in Boulder City, Nevada

I should get an award for finding the one photographic angle that hides each drunken frat boy and their lifted 4x4 behind its own cactus.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

A family funeral home in a strip mall

Thereʼs at least two ways to go with this one.

  1. Itʼs a funeral home. In a strip mall.
  2. Itʼs a funeral home that doesnʼt bury individuals; only families.
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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

Reflections upon a motel pool
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Saturday, June 9th, 2018 Alive 17,210 days

Darcie photographing a cemetery in Goldfield

Slap a KGFN hat on her head, and Darcie thinks sheʼs a real life Goldfielder.

Sheʼs saving her pennies for the next land auction.

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Saturday, June 9th, 2018 Alive 17,210 days

Dinner at The Golden Steer

If a steakhouse has an oil painting of the mayor and her mob lawyer husband on the wall over their regular booth, itʼs probably a good steakhouse.

If a steakhouse has brass plaques identifying the regular tables of people from Frank Sinatra to Mario Andretti, itʼs probably a very good steakhouse.

But do you know how you can tell if a steakhouse is an excellent steakhouse? Creamed spinach, baby!

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Sunday, June 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,204 days

The Mizpah Hotel

The bar/lounge area of the Mizpah Hotel. Straight outta 1907. Only the slot machines have been updated.

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Sunday, June 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,204 days

Goldfield Pioneer Cemetery

People on the internet laugh because this cemetery is supposed to have a grave marker reading “Unknown man died eating library paste July 14 1908.”

The full story is that he was a hungry hobo who found a pot of paste in the trash behind the library and ate it because it tasted sweet. It tasted sweet because back then paste contained alum. Which killed him.

The words have been removed from the grave marker because boors from the internet used to flock here to take pictures of themselves with it, as if the death of a homeless guy is something to laugh at.

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Friday, May 25th, 2018 Alive 17,195 days

Iʼm at a Starbucks on the Las Vegas Strip. A couple of tourists at the next table figure it will take them about two hours to drive to San Francisco from here.

San Francisco is 528 miles away.

Maybe they drive a rocket sled.

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Thursday, May 24th, 2018 Alive 17,194 days

A soaring Starbucks sign

This is what happens when the Space Needle and the Stratosphere get it on.

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