Blathr Wayne Lorentz

What is Blathr?

Blathring in October, 2018

Wednesday, October 31st, 2018 Alive 17,354 days

Halloween decorations

Weʼve been open for three hours and only gotten eight trick-or-treaters. Stupid corporate mall trick-or-treat event is bogarting all of my merrymakers.

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Wednesday, October 31st, 2018 Alive 17,354 days

A decorated front porch

Want candy? Follow the orange pumpkin trail.

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Wednesday, October 31st, 2018 Alive 17,354 days

Annie

“Happy Halloween!”

Annie getting her Halloween on.
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Tuesday, October 30th, 2018 Alive 17,353 days

If your Halloween decorations bring down the neighborʼs property value, youʼre doing it right.

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Tuesday, October 30th, 2018 Alive 17,353 days

Halloween video game

Darcie and I both took off of work for Halloween. So vou know I broke out the 2600 Haunted House cartridge for some Goosey Night gaming.

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Monday, October 29th, 2018 Alive 17,352 days

A doctor once told me that coconuts are terrible for your cholesterol. So as a public service to the neighborhood kids, I am personally disposing of all of the Almond Joys in the trick-or-treat bowl.

Iʼve heard a lot of kids have peanut allergies these days. Perhaps I can do some good there, as well.

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Saturday, October 27th, 2018 Alive 17,350 days

Tillamook Buttered Maple Pancake ice cream

Now I can have ice cream for breakfast. Screw you, health and nutrition!

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Friday, October 26th, 2018 Alive 17,349 days

A vintage Pierre Cardin advertisement

I donʼt make enough money for my wife to buy Pierre Cardin clothing. But if Pierre Cardin still made clothes like this, Iʼd take out a second mortgage.

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Thursday, October 25th, 2018 Alive 17,348 days

A screenshot from the Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries

In this season of Halloween, itʼs important to remember that in the event of a Frankenstein sneak attack, itʼs perfectly acceptable to break into a disco ballad.

Ask Shaun Cassidy.

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Wednesday, October 24th, 2018 Alive 17,347 days

A serious pants question

Itʼs been 20 years, and Darcie still frequently guesses wrong if Iʼm joking or if Iʼm serious.

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Tuesday, October 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,346 days

Today I learned that the IT guy who wouldnʼt allow Macs or iPhones on the corporate network at a former employer because “Macs are stupid” is now free to peddle his “Windows rulz!” bullshit full time in the unemployment line because he refused to take Macintosh/Unix networking classes.

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Tuesday, October 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,346 days

A song and dance man

Todayʼs lesson from the office window: If you tell the cops that thing they found while frisking you is a harmonica, be prepared to sing and dance.

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Sunday, October 21st, 2018 Alive 17,344 days

Henri preventing me from using the computer

It really is a miracle that I get anything done at all.

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Saturday, October 20th, 2018 Alive 17,343 days

A screenshot from the Nextdoor web site

The only things Nextdoor is good for is finding out how racist your neighbors are, and whoʼs giving out Halloween candy.

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Friday, October 19th, 2018 Alive 17,342 days

Does it count as being “late” for work if the door to the building is blocked by cops frisking a lady?

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Friday, October 19th, 2018 Alive 17,342 days

A Clark County “I Voted” sticker

God help us all.

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Friday, October 19th, 2018 Alive 17,342 days

A boombox and a CD of subway sounds

Awesome: I just picked up a boom box at a garage sale for $5!

Less awesome: I just found out that after 17 years of collecting digital media, the only CD I have left is the sounds of Tokyo Metro.

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Wednesday, October 17th, 2018 Alive 17,340 days

Restoring erased media

My main media drive ate itself away, wiping out 4TB of movies, music, and TV shows. So I spent most of the last week pulling my hair out trying to reconstruct the files and metadata.

Tonight I remembered that I make monthly backups. My brain hates me.

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Tuesday, October 16th, 2018 Alive 17,339 days

A car smashed to bits outside my office window

Back to work day. The window never fails to entertain.

California license plate. Must be a local.

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Monday, October 15th, 2018 Alive 17,338 days

Darcie feeling cold

Today Darcie broke out her scarf and Uggs. It's 66 degrees.

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Sunday, October 14th, 2018 Alive 17,337 days

Anasazi ruins

One room of a 1,400 room Anasazi complex. Thereʼs another one a mile away thatʼs 1,100 rooms; but archaeologists re-buried that one after studying it to prevent it from being damaged.

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Saturday, October 13th, 2018 Alive 17,336 days

Darcie in front of the Hubbell Trading Post

Trading posts are still the one of the primary means of commerce and communication on the Navajo Nation. The tribal government operates some of them, but most are owned by white people, like the one Darcie is standing in front of. It's been operating since 1878.

The trading posts still exist because the companies you and I shop with aren't interested in opening stores on the reservations. Indians still actually trade jewelry, rugs, pottery, and other things for food, clothing, and even iPads at the trading posts.

They can also use money, like Darcie did.

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Saturday, October 13th, 2018 Alive 17,336 days

Darcie on a catwalk over a meteor crater

A very small Darcie and a very big hole.

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Saturday, October 13th, 2018 Alive 17,336 days

Prisoner graffiti

Historic graffiti inside the old Navajo County Jail.

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Watch out for Spider Woman

Friday, October 12th, 2018 Alive 17,335 days

Darcie at Canyon de Chelly

Darcie is standing in front of the Bernie Sanders of geologic formations. Itʼs not The Grand Canyon. Itʼs The Pretty Pretty Pretty Pretty Pretty Good Canyon.

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Friday, October 12th, 2018 Alive 17,335 days

Darcie at the Hopi dinosaur field

Back in dinosaur days, this was a muddy clay lake shore. It got silted over, and fossilized eighty brazillion dinosaur footprints. I almost lost my shoes in the muck, too.

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Friday, October 12th, 2018 Alive 17,335 days

A rude dinosaur gesture

160 million years ago, a dinosaur gave you the finger. Here it is.

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Spitting images

Friday, October 12th, 2018 Alive 17,335 days

Darcie taking pictures of the Mittens in Monument Valley

You know that adage about “Donʼt use all your film in one place?” Neither does Darcie.

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Stick in the mud

Friday, October 12th, 2018 Alive 17,335 days

The Desert Truckster out standing in its field

Darcie said left. The map said right. Next thing you know, weʼre on Mars.

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Rock on

Friday, October 12th, 2018 Alive 17,335 days

Rocks near Winslow, Arizona

The Anasazi had all kinds of minerals from copper to aluminum to uranium out the wazoo, but never learned to make metal tools, or even arrowheads.

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Friday, October 12th, 2018 Alive 17,335 days

A guide pointing out various fossilized dinosaur footprints on the Hopi reservation

Our Navajo guide to the Hopi dinosaur beach. He was so excited to have Ann Jillian visiting his personal dinosaur field, I didnʼt have the heart to tell him that Darcie wasnʼt on Itʼs A Living. Or that Ann Jillian is 70 years old now.

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Friday, October 12th, 2018 Alive 17,335 days

Almost certainly Darcie at the dinosaur field, and not Ann Jillian.

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Friday, October 12th, 2018 Alive 17,335 days

A sign reading “Caution: Area inhabited by venomous reptiles and insects.”

Strange. They have the same sign at my lawyerʼs office.

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Friday, October 12th, 2018 Alive 17,335 days

Darcie holding a shard of Anasazi pottery

The shard of pottery Darcie found was painted sometime between the Battle of Hastings and the Black Death.

That doesnʼt explain why sheʼs holding it like a diseased frog.

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Do not touch

Friday, October 12th, 2018 Alive 17,335 days

Darcie holding a shard of pottery she found on the ground

Here we see Darcie holding a piece of pottery she found at an abandoned Anasazi city. A few days later we learned that the Navajo believe touching Anasazi pottery shards is super duper bad luck.

There really should be a sign or something.

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Friday, October 12th, 2018 Alive 17,335 days

Jerome, Arizona

Jerome, Arizona calls itself “Americaʼs most vertical city.”

“Americaʼs most parking-challenged city” would be more accurate.

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Coward

Wednesday, October 10th, 2018 Alive 17,333 days

A sign in a hotel bathroom reading “Excellent water; safe to drink”

I wasnʼt worried until I read the sign.

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Tuesday, October 9th, 2018 Alive 17,332 days

A chess match in progress

Meanwhile, in the lobby of the La Posada Hotel…

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Tuesday, October 9th, 2018 Alive 17,332 days

Babbitt Brothers in Flagstaff, Arizona

The real urban outfitters.

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UL shudders

Tuesday, October 9th, 2018 Alive 17,332 days

A craptastic wiring job at the Hotel Monte Vista in Flagstaff, Arizona

Good thing this TV has a remote. Because of you walk too close, the plug falls out of the wall.

This isnʼt the worst hotel TV we came across during this trip, but at least now Darcie appreciates the way that I dress the cables at home.

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Tuesday, October 9th, 2018 Alive 17,332 days

The Monte Vista Lounge in Flagstaff, Arizona

A neon gem down a dark side street. Every 1940ʼs film approves.

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Tuesday, October 9th, 2018 Alive 17,332 days

The Tiny Church of the Mother Road in Winslow, Arizona

The Tiny Church of the Mother Road claims to be the worldʼs smallest church.

I bet the people who take off right after Communion still think nobody notices them leave.

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Tuesday, October 9th, 2018 Alive 17,332 days

Darcie in a cigarette machine

I really really wanted to rescue Darcie from inside the cigarette vending machine, but I was fresh out of quarters.

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Tuesday, October 9th, 2018 Alive 17,332 days

A Twinkie in the Desert Trucksterʼs visor

It annoys Darcie when I keep mozzarella sticks in the visor of the Desert Truckster, so Iʼve decided to stop.

Thatʼs a Twinkie.

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Tuesday, October 9th, 2018 Alive 17,332 days

The Hotel Monte Vista in Flagstaff, Arizona

I shall lay my head here tonight. And then, never again.

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Tuesday, October 9th, 2018 Alive 17,332 days

The Michael Stype room at the Hotel Monte Vista

You might be in a college town if…

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Lido Dido

Tuesday, October 9th, 2018 Alive 17,332 days

A sign warning of rattlesnakes

I wonder what a “Human” icon would look like, if snakes could make signs.

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Tuesday, October 9th, 2018 Alive 17,332 days

The Chief Apartments in Winslow, Arizona

For Millennials, itʼs not just a home; itʼs a hate crime.

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Stop stalling

Tuesday, October 9th, 2018 Alive 17,332 days

A techno-spa bathroom lighting scheme

If the menʼs room has mood lighting, you might be in an Arizona state park. Or a Hungarian disco. One or the other.

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Monday, October 8th, 2018 Alive 17,331 days

Mitchell Mesa, on the Navajo Nation

Mitchell Mesa at sunrise looks like a Apple wallpaper.

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Monday, October 8th, 2018 Alive 17,331 days

West Mitten Butte and Merrick Butte in th early-morning sun

Today I learned that my Hasselblad has a sunrise mode. Who needs Photoshop?

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Monday, October 8th, 2018 Alive 17,331 days

The Desert Truckster at the Wigwam Motel in Holbrook, Arizona

Tonight, Darcie and I shall sleep in a concrete teepee. Somehow, the Desert Truckster looks even more out of place than usual.

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Monday, October 8th, 2018 Alive 17,331 days

A banner advertising “Native American Beef” at a trading post outside Canyon de Chelly

You know the drill.

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Monday, October 8th, 2018 Alive 17,331 days

Darcie taking “one last picture” at the Monument Valley Inn

Getting Darcie to leave the hotel was like trying to pull a six-year-old out of Disneyland.

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Monday, October 8th, 2018 Alive 17,331 days

An “Indian Chief” postcard from a Navajo Nation gift shop

Now all I need is a “Doctor” postcard and a “Lawyer” postcard, and Iʼll have the whole set!

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Monday, October 8th, 2018 Alive 17,331 days

The Wigwam Motel in Holbrook, Arizona, with its sign “Sleep in a wigwam”

Thatʼs a teepee, not a wigwam. A surprisingly roomy and warm teepee.

Still, you donʼt have to ask me twice! I shall lay my head here tonight. Again.

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Monday, October 8th, 2018 Alive 17,331 days

The Navajo Nation Messenger with a note that “This page brought to you by Cowtown Feed & Livestock, Your Local Used Cow Dealer!”

Oh, good. Iʼve been wondering where I can get a fair deal on a quality, low mileage used cow.

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You go put a ticket on it

Monday, October 8th, 2018 Alive 17,331 days

A stagecoach atop a restaurant

Iʼm pretty sure thatʼs a no parking zone.

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Sunday, October 7th, 2018 Alive 17,330 days

Out-of-sync watches

Because not every reservation is on the same time, and because Arizona is permanently on standard time, you change time zones five times driving from Holbrook to Monument Valley.

Darcieʼs watch gave up.

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Sunday, October 7th, 2018 Alive 17,330 days

The view from John Wayne Point, Monument Valley, Arizona.

This is the view from John Wayne Point. A sign reads

John Wayne Point

It has been said that this was John Wayneʼs favorite place to view the beauty and serenity of Monument Valley.

His first movie filmed in Monument Valley was John Fordʼs classic “Stagecoach” in 1939.

He starred in four more movies in Monument Valley culminating with his fan favorite “The Searchers” in 1956.

Yes, thereʼs a gift shop. Yes, it has an entire John Wayne section.

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Sunday, October 7th, 2018 Alive 17,330 days

Indians didnʼt need Stairmasters. They just walked home.
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Sunday, October 7th, 2018 Alive 17,330 days

Montezuma Castle

A peaceful creek on the Apache Nation. The Anasazi lived in the caves above the creek until the 1400ʼs, then they disappeared. Nobody knows why for sure. It was turned into an X-Files episode, where the tribe left the Earth with the help of aliens.

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Sunday, October 7th, 2018 Alive 17,330 days

A snowy San Francisco Peak

Snow on the San Francisco range overnight.

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Sunday, October 7th, 2018 Alive 17,330 days

A National Park toll booth

Thanks, Obama.

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Sunday, October 7th, 2018 Alive 17,330 days

Rain in Monument Valley

If it doesnʼt rain where you live, rain on vacation is entertaining, not annoying. Or at least thatʼs the lie I keep telling myself.

You can sometimes salvage a bad weather photography day by going black-and-white.

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Sunday, October 7th, 2018 Alive 17,330 days

The Shell station and trading post in Winona, Arizona

We were on the way to Flagstaff, Arizona when Darcie said, “Donʼt forget Winona!” So, here we are.

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Sunday, October 7th, 2018 Alive 17,330 days

Slow-moving cars zip past West Mitten Butte and Merrick Butte in this time-lapse video of Monument Valley
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Sunday, October 7th, 2018 Alive 17,330 days

A muddy mat

Worst. Souvenir. Ever.

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Sunday, October 7th, 2018 Alive 17,330 days

Darcie chowing at Chez Whopper

Weʼve never been to a reservation with a McDonaldʼs. But the big ones all seem to have Burger Kings.

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Sunday, October 7th, 2018 Alive 17,330 days

Darcie out standing in a hogan

Hogan sweet hogan.

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“Influencer”

Saturday, October 6th, 2018 Alive 17,329 days

A painting of Vanity

Selfie. 1930ʼs style.

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Saturday, October 6th, 2018 Alive 17,329 days

Williams, Arizona

Today we travel from Williams to Sonoma. Which means that Darcie has to buy me a gourmet frying pan. Itʼs the law.

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Saturday, October 6th, 2018 Alive 17,329 days

A puddle in Seligman, Arizona

I was reflecting on something yesterday. But it may have just been the Ripple.

Darcie hates that joke.

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Saturday, October 6th, 2018 Alive 17,329 days

The Grand Canyon Hotel in Williams, Arizona

Darcie and I have been assured this hotel is not haunted. Which is a shame, because Minnie Pearlʼs ghost would feel right at home.

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Saturday, October 6th, 2018 Alive 17,329 days

Seligman Sundries. No bathrooms. Donʼt ask.

This place has everything! Except bathrooms.

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Saturday, October 6th, 2018 Alive 17,329 days

An abandoned store in Seligman, Arizona

“I think the store across the street has public toilets,” said the local jokester.

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Saturday, October 6th, 2018 Alive 17,329 days

Sunset over the San Francisco mountains

Evening approaches on the Navajo reservation.

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Saturday, October 6th, 2018 Alive 17,329 days

A hungry Darcie in her turquoise

Dinner at a Navajo steakhouse. As you can see around her neck, Darcie decided to bring coal to Newcastle.

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Saturday, October 6th, 2018 Alive 17,329 days

A Navajo waiter asking Darcie to pick a knife

Darcie was a little startled when the waiter asked her to pick a knife for her steak.

Perhaps it was because he told her, “Choose your weapon.” I shit you not.

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Saturday, October 6th, 2018 Alive 17,329 days

Dessert at Twin Arrows

A tart made from local piñon pine nuts. Very good, but awkward to eat because the great big pine nuts roll off the itty bitty forklet.

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Saturday, October 6th, 2018 Alive 17,329 days

A bathroom sign

I guess thereʼs no icon for “Indian in a wheelchair.”

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Smoking signal

Saturday, October 6th, 2018 Alive 17,329 days

A sign reading “Doo nídaʼ atʼ oh da”

Now you know how to say “No smoking” in Navajo.

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Friday, October 5th, 2018 Alive 17,328 days

Williams, Arizona

Meanwhile in Williams, Arizona…

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Friday, October 5th, 2018 Alive 17,328 days

A sign reading “Welcome to the Hualapai Nation”

Thank you. Sorry I knocked over that big brochure stand in the lobby.

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Friday, October 5th, 2018 Alive 17,328 days

Williams, Arizona

America still exists. Itʼs just not evenly distributed.

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Friday, October 5th, 2018 Alive 17,328 days

A mozzarella stick ready to go

Darcie loves road trips. My habit of storing Arbyʼs deep fried mozzarella sticks in the visor is something she is less fond of.

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Friday, October 5th, 2018 Alive 17,328 days

Whatʼs left of Santa Claus, Arizona

Welcome to Santa Claus, Arizona. Amazingly this isnʼt the first abandoned theme park Darcieʼs sniffed out in the desert. But if youʼre interested, the entire town, including the remains of the theme park, is for sale.

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Friday, October 5th, 2018 Alive 17,328 days

The Desert Truckser ready for one last adventure

Final road trip in the Desert Truckster. Darcieʼs lost faith in the old girlʼs ability to safely convey us across the wastes.

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Thursday, October 4th, 2018 Alive 17,327 days

Ore carts in Jerome, Arizona

Every ore has its cart.

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Wednesday, October 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,326 days

An empty Carlʼs Jr.

Lunch hour and Iʼm the only person in this Carlʼs Jr.¹ I guess nobody else wants to risk getting shot for a Thickburger.

¹ Read “Hardeeʼs” for you people back east.

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Wednesday, October 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,326 days

When I ordered a Lyft to go pick up my car at the repair shop, the app gave me the option of taking a self-driving car. Itʼs the future!

I was so preoccupied thinking about my impending repair bill that I forgot to take a screenshot.

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Wednesday, October 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,326 days

An error message from Uber

Every time I try to give Uber a chance, I end up taking a Lyft.

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Wednesday, October 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,326 days

Various options for dealing with scorpions in oneʼs house

Itʼs that season again!

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Wednesday, October 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,326 days

What happens when you allow pets in the supermarket

“Emotional support animal” my ass

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Tuesday, October 2nd, 2018 Alive 17,325 days

The view from a limo ride home

Itʼs nice to be a passenger for a change. Too bad thereʼs nothing to see

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Tuesday, October 2nd, 2018 Alive 17,325 days

What might end up being an expensive ride home

If the garage gives me a free limo ride home, I should probably worry about the repair bill, right?

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♫ Theyʼre coming to tow you away, ha ha! ♫

Monday, October 1st, 2018 Alive 17,324 days

A tow truck in my driveway

What a cancelled vacation looks like.

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