Blathr Wayne Lorentz

What is Blathr?
Showing blathrs with the tag “🎃.”

Letʼs be careful out there

Sunday, October 30th, 2022 Alive 18,814 days

A screenshot of the Peanuts gang on the prowl for tricks or treats

I watched Itʼs the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown tonight. I never noticed before that when they go trick-or-treating, all of the Peanuts kids are wearing rubber gloves.

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Thereʼs a frog in your throat

Sunday, October 16th, 2022 Alive 18,800 days

A Fortnum & Mason chocolate toad

For Halloween this year, my wife bought me a chocolate toad.

This is no cheap injection-moulded Hershey-grade nosh. This is a hefty hopper, decorated to a level of realism that is startling, if youʼre not expecting it to be there when you open the refrigerator door.

Mr. Toad is from the Fortnum & Mason department store in London. The confection connection between chocolate, amphibians, and Britannia may put you in mind of the fictional chocolate frogs from Harry Potter. The difference is those are in movies, and this is in my kitchen.

It weighs almost half a pound, and Iʼm not sure how I'm going to eat it. I have no problem biting the heads off of Easter bunnies. They look like cartoons. But this knobby indulgence has sugary eyes that look straight into your soul.

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Isn't it too early for this sort of thing?

Sunday, September 25th, 2022 Alive 18,779 days

A jack-o-lantern and black cat-themed bubble nightlight

Halloween can be educational. In addition to teaching children about math (candy nutrition labels), geography (mapping out a trick-or-treat route), history (Halloween folklore), and extortion ("Trick or treat!"), it's also possible to learn about physics. The way to do that is with a Halloween bubble light.

I don't know why bubble lights went out of fashion, but showing a child that something that is boiling can still safe to touch is an opportunity to learn about the phases of matter, the elements, boiling points, and all kinds of happy physics and chemistry things.

Also, it's never too early to put up Halloween decorations — if they're educational.

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There's no porch light. Is she doing trick-or-treat?

Tuesday, September 20th, 2022 Alive 18,774 days

She's in there. Snoring.

Annie spends so much time sleeping in the closet that I decorated her front door for Halloween.

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No problem

Sunday, October 31st, 2021 Alive 18,450 days

A warning sign

When the National Museum of Funeral History tells you not to open a casket, you do not open the casket.

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You bought them out, right?

Sunday, August 1st, 2021 Alive 18,359 days

Halloween-themed candy from the Terrible Herbst

August 1st, and the gas station is already loaded for Halloween.

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Whopper of a lunch

Thursday, October 8th, 2020 Alive 18,062 days

A lunch sack filled with Whoppers

Each day for the last month, Iʼve included a piece of Halloween candy when I pack Darcieʼs lunch. And each day I notice that the Whoppers always seem to come back unopened.

I think she hasnʼt really given Whoppers a chance. So I made her an all-Whoppers lunch today.

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Itʼs never too soon anymore

Saturday, August 29th, 2020 Alive 18,022 days

A die-cut skeleton on the balcony door

We decorated for Halloween already this year. Itʼs early, even for us.

Sirius has been playing the occasional Christmas song on the 40ʼs and Sinatra channels, so I think a lot of people would just like to get into a happy place in their minds these days.

So, up went the die cuts, the blow molds, the melty popcorn plastic crinkle characters, and the ceramic jack-o-lanterns. You can see it all very clearly from the other buildings in the apartment complex. I donʼt have the energy to care what the neighbors think.

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Thatʼs what happens when you use the garage as a front door

Sunday, January 5th, 2020 Alive 17,785 days

Today is January 5th. My neighbors just removed the Halloween pumpkins from their front porch.

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Did you press the button?

Thursday, October 3rd, 2019 Alive 17,691 days

A Halloween decoration at Target
  • Square, black keys?
  • CLR/HOME key?
  • INST/DEL key?
  • RESTORE key?
  • RUN STOP key?
  • and cursor keys?
  • Dedicated currency key?

Yep, the Commodore PET has been immortalized as a Halloween trinket at Target.

In keeping with the Halloween theme, the HELLO, HELP, and Escape keys have been highlighted.

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Wednesday, October 31st, 2018 Alive 17,354 days

Halloween decorations

Weʼve been open for three hours and only gotten eight trick-or-treaters. Stupid corporate mall trick-or-treat event is bogarting all of my merrymakers.

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Wednesday, October 31st, 2018 Alive 17,354 days


“Happy Halloween!”

Annie getting her Halloween on.
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Wednesday, October 31st, 2018 Alive 17,354 days

A decorated front porch

Want candy? Follow the orange pumpkin trail.

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Tuesday, October 30th, 2018 Alive 17,353 days

If your Halloween decorations bring down the neighborʼs property value, youʼre doing it right.

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Tuesday, October 30th, 2018 Alive 17,353 days

Halloween video game

Darcie and I both took off of work for Halloween. So vou know I broke out the 2600 Haunted House cartridge for some Goosey Night gaming.

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Monday, October 29th, 2018 Alive 17,352 days

A doctor once told me that coconuts are terrible for your cholesterol. So as a public service to the neighborhood kids, I am personally disposing of all of the Almond Joys in the trick-or-treat bowl.

Iʼve heard a lot of kids have peanut allergies these days. Perhaps I can do some good there, as well.

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Thursday, October 25th, 2018 Alive 17,348 days

A screenshot from the Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries

In this season of Halloween, itʼs important to remember that in the event of a Frankenstein sneak attack, itʼs perfectly acceptable to break into a disco ballad.

Ask Shaun Cassidy.

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Saturday, October 20th, 2018 Alive 17,343 days

A screenshot from the Nextdoor web site

The only things Nextdoor is good for is finding out how racist your neighbors are, and whoʼs giving out Halloween candy.

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Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days

Thanksgiving decorations on offer

Thanksgiving decorations for sale on September 7. I guess the good part is that people can stop moaning about stores putting out Halloween stuff too soon.

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Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days

Henri trying to understand the noises coming from the radio-shaped motion-activated Halloween decoration

Not exactly His Masterʼs Voice, but close enough.

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Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days

This is a way better anniversary present than what I got Darcie. Oh, well. Better luck next year, Sweetie.

If you watch the video, wait till the very end to see the cat burp.

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