BlathrWayne Lorentz

Blathring in June, 2018.

Saturday, June 30th, 2018 Alive 17,231 days

Woman: “It’s just bread.”

Man: “You’re just bread.”

— Random couple in the bread aisle at Kroger
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Saturday, June 30th, 2018 Alive 17,231 days

…at least he learned how to make bread in prison.

— Some random person in the bread aisle at Kroger
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Sunday, June 24th, 2018 Alive 17,225 days

An abandoned gas station

This service station is just a shell of its former self.

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Sunday, June 24th, 2018 Alive 17,225 days

An overdone art car

Not all artists understand thereʼs a difference between an art car, and a barnacle-encrusted Spanish galleon.

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Sunday, June 24th, 2018 Alive 17,225 days

An old west cemetery

The last burial in this cemetery was in 1911.

So the lesson we learn today is to forget fancy Italian marble. If you want your grave marker to last 107 years, have it made out of railroad ties and punched metal.

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Sunday, June 24th, 2018 Alive 17,225 days

Expensive emergency gas

When the nearest gas station is 94 miles away, you can charge $12 for two gallons of gas.

I found an ever pricier place down the road, commanding $20 a pop.

You call the number on the sign, give the person who answers your credit card number, and they give you the combination to the gas locker.

I can't believe I didn't think of this first.

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Sunday, June 24th, 2018 Alive 17,225 days

A bottle of Cherry Sprite

I tried this so you don’t have to.

Seriously. You don’t have to.

Three fruits (lemon, lime, and cherry) are not better than two.

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Sunday, June 24th, 2018 Alive 17,225 days

A steak dinner

The one sure way to tell a great steakhouse from a crappy steakhouse is the presence of a great creamed spinach.

If there's no creamed spinach, it might as well be Applebees.

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Sunday, June 24th, 2018 Alive 17,225 days

An enthusiastic supporter

Anyone can slap a sticker on their bumper. The truly committed go for spray paint and stencils.

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Saturday, June 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,224 days

Mutant cacti

It doesn't matter where I move my plants in the house, they still do this crazy shit in the direction of Area 51.

Freaking UFOʼs.

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Sunday, June 17th, 2018 Alive 17,218 days

A stuffed fish

This puffer fish looks surprised. Like one day he woke up and said, “Holy shit! How did I get on the ceiling of a tiki bar?”

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

The desert outside Boulder City

Dramatic sky is dramatic.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

A family funeral home in a strip mall

Thereʼs at least two ways to go with this one.

  1. Itʼs a funeral home. In a strip mall.
  2. Itʼs a funeral home that doesnʼt bury individuals; only families.
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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

The Best Western in Boulder City, Nevada

I should get an award for finding the one photographic angle that hides each drunken frat boy and their lifted 4x4 behind its own cactus.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

A sign at the Nevada Inn

Did this motel just compliment me on my butt?

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

An improvised spelling of “wifi” on a sign

It looks like the Sands Motel is fresh outta Wʼs. Jam a couple of Vʼs together, and nobody will notice.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

A retired nuclear workhorse

Most people donʼt realize that there are other “areas” in the Nevada National Security Site besides Area 51. This railroad engine used to haul nuclear rocket engines around Area 25 before it crashed.

In other news, “nuclear rocket engines” are a thing.

Hereʼs whatʼs on the plaque:

GENERAL ELECTRIC 80-TON, #L-3

In 2006, the Nevada State Railroad Museum acquired this 500 horsepower, 161,000 lb. diesel-electric locomotive from the U.S. Department of Energy. It was built in 1953 by the General Electric Company and initially served at a U.S. Naval facility before being overhauled and relocated to the Nevada Test Site in 1964. There, the locomotive was routinely used to transport nuclear powered rocket engines to various test stations.

The nuclear rocket program began in 1955 when the Atomic Energy Commission and the U.S. Air Force began various thermal reactor studies for the first assembly of a prototype rocket engine. During the 1960s and 70s the U.S. Government constructed several rocket development stations at Area 25 and connected them with their own series of railroad tracks, thus allowing easy movement of the rocket engines from one test station to the next throughout the sprawling site.

The unique name “Jackass and Western” stenciled on the side of the locomotive comes from the geographic location in which Area 25 is situated. Jackass Flats is one of several flats located at the Nevada Test Site, such as Frenchman Flats and Yucca Flats where most of the actual atomic testing took place during the mid to late 20th century.

The Jackass and Western Railroad operated as a charted common carrier until the U.S. Government suspended the nuclear rocket engine program in the mid-1980s at which time the locomotive sat idle and was put into storage.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

A box of cassettes

I found a box of blank tapes in an antiques store.

I bought them since I, too, am an antique.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

The El Rancho Boulder motel

The wifi is a lie. It’s only in the office, not the rooms.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

A lovely day at the Southern Nevada Railroad.

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Saturday, June 16th, 2018 Alive 17,217 days

Mutant cacti

If your house plants start doing this, you might live too close to Area 51.

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Friday, June 15th, 2018 Alive 17,216 days

Pumpkin spice coffee from Dunkinʼ Donuts

Pumpkin spice already? Itʼs the middle of June!

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Friday, June 8th, 2018 Alive 17,209 days

All set up at Frankieʼs Tiki Room

Whatʼs better than unwinding with my wife in a dark tiki bar after a long week of work?

The fact that I get off of work several hours before she does, so Iʼm already de-stressed by the time she arrives.

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Five bars are not enough

Friday, June 8th, 2018 Alive 17,209 days

A failed telephone call

Smartphones are great at being “smart.” Theyʼre not always very good at the whole “phone” part.

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Thursday, June 7th, 2018 Alive 17,208 days

A text from an unfortunate neighbor

High tech “smart” locks are great. Until your phone runs out of battery while youʼre out shopping. And since youʼve relied on your phone to think for you for the last couple of years, you donʼt know what your backup unlock code is. So you have to text the cat sitter to get into your own house.

Lessons that can be learned:

  1. Keys still work when your phoneʼs battery dies.
  2. Keys still work when your lockʼs battery dies.
  3. Keys still work when youʼre too drunk to unlock your own phone.
  4. If you lose your keys, any locksmith can let you into your house for $40. Lose your phone, and youʼre on the hook for $700 at the Apple Store.
  5. Always go to the bathroom before you leave the house, because you may not be able to get in right away upon your return.
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Wednesday, June 6th, 2018 Alive 17,207 days

A weather report and a thermometer

Itʼs hotter in my office than it is outside.

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