My wife has read almost everything ever written by Truman Capote, Agatha Christie, and Patricia Highsmith. She consumes Shakespeare like a zoo hippopotamus on the loose at a high prairie watermelon festival.
She also giggles uncontrollably at Abbot and Costello movies.
I got a new video game today. Well, itʼs an old video game, since most of the games I play are for the Atari 2600.
Itʼs Chase, which is the Sears Tele-Games rebranding of Atariʼs Surround.
A simple as it is, this is an engaging game, which explains why itʼs been recreated on dozens and dozens of machines. People today still have warm and fuzzy memories of 1997ʼs Snake on Nokia cell phones, but it originated in 1976 with the Blockade arcade game from Gremlin before it became Sega/Gremlin.
This version is solid, except that the bleeps are annoying, so itʼs best to turn off the sound and put on some period-appropriate music like Sirius 70ʼs on 7.
It also has a nice freeform drawing mode, which is useful to endearing oneself with oneʼs sweetheart.
Hereʼs Darcie sitting in the trunk of the Desert Truckster, waiting for me to set up our picnic lunch.
Today I saw Darcie using the wet Swiffer mop thing to clean the kitchen counters.
She's either mad, or a genius, or a mad genius.
About the only normal thing these days is the cat. She eats. She poops. She licks herself. All the normal things a cat should do. Sheʼs never been very bright, so she doesnʼt know anything is wrong. The last cat was very empathetic. He knew when something was wrong, and would comfort us. If he heard Darcie cry or yelp or swear, heʼd run to her side. Now she only has me. Itʼs not the same thing.
Right now, in preparation for our move in two months, Darcie is using a vintage Polaroid to take pictures of each pair of her shoes.
Itʼs pretty much the most Darcie thing Iʼve seen in a long time.
Some days I pack Darcieʼs lunch for her. Today I put a whole can of Spam in her lunch bag.
Sheʼll thank me for it later.
Darcie spent 20 minutes communing with Fred the Chuckwalla.
Darcieʼs all kitted out for adventure.
Sneakers from Barneyʼs New York.
Socks from Mars.
Date night at The Palm with carrot cake. I think Darcie was there, too.
Darcie was disappointed with my man skills when I had to look in the Fiat manual app to find out how to turn on the carʼs defroster.
25? She wishes.
Death Valley is kind of a schist hole.
Darcie hates that joke.
She looks so happy. Nobody tell Darcie sheʼs standing in wild horse poop.
This motel is appealing. Itʼs also a-cracking and a-crumbling.
Darcie hates that joke.
Darcie rocks. That is all.
Darcie: A tea house with a view? Sounds great!
Concierge: Itʼs a one mile hike uphill on gravel.
Me: Whatʼs the number for room service?
When I heard that California legalized pot, I knew I couldnʼt stop Darcie.
She hates that joke.
Darcie bought a new necklace to match the one she has on. Her old necklace is Navajo silver. Her new necklace is Hi-Ho silver.
Darcie hates that joke.
I wanted to take Darcie horseback riding, but she wonʼt go because she didnʼt pack her ranch dressing.
Darcie hates that joke.
Am I in the way of your picture?
How about now?
How about now?
How about now?
How about now?
Darcie spends a quiet evening writing postcards in the hotel library.
After a full day without cell phone service, a desperate Darcie resorts to scrounging around phone booths looking for Facebook access.
Here we see the elusive Yellow Haired Picture Snapper in her native habitat. Letʼs watch as she stalks her prey.
If I was a good husband, Iʼd fix Darcieʼs car like I promised to. But for now I just stand in the driveway when she comes home and sing that Wallflowers song at her.
Darcieʼs favorite TV show is ITVʼs Poirot series.
If you ever wondered what became of the wrench-wielding cartoon baddie from A-Haʼs Take On Me music video, thatʼs him on the eft.
Itʼs been 20 years, and Darcie still frequently guesses wrong if Iʼm joking or if Iʼm serious.
Today Darcie broke out her scarf and Uggs. It's 66 degrees.
Trading posts are still the one of the primary means of commerce and communication on the Navajo Nation. The tribal government operates some of them, but most are owned by white people, like the one Darcie is standing in front of. It's been operating since 1878.
The trading posts still exist because the companies you and I shop with aren't interested in opening stores on the reservations. Indians still actually trade jewelry, rugs, pottery, and other things for food, clothing, and even iPads at the trading posts.
They can also use money, like Darcie did.
Almost certainly Darcie at the dinosaur field, and not Ann Jillian.
Our Navajo guide to the Hopi dinosaur beach. He was so excited to have Ann Jillian visiting his personal dinosaur field, I didnʼt have the heart to tell him that Darcie wasnʼt on Itʼs A Living. Or that Ann Jillian is 70 years old now.
Here we see Darcie holding a piece of pottery she found at an abandoned Anasazi city. A few days later we learned that the Navajo believe touching Anasazi pottery shards is super duper bad luck.
There really should be a sign or something.
You know that adage about “Donʼt use all your film in one place?” Neither does Darcie.
Darcie is standing in front of the Bernie Sanders of geologic formations. Itʼs not The Grand Canyon. Itʼs The Pretty Pretty Pretty Pretty Pretty Good Canyon.
Back in dinosaur days, this was a muddy clay lake shore. It got silted over, and fossilized eighty brazillion dinosaur footprints. I almost lost my shoes in the muck, too.
It annoys Darcie when I keep mozzarella sticks in the visor of the Desert Truckster, so Iʼve decided to stop.
Thatʼs a Twinkie.
Hogan sweet hogan.
Weʼve never been to a reservation with a McDonaldʼs. But the big ones all seem to have Burger Kings.
Dinner at a Navajo steakhouse. As you can see around her neck, Darcie decided to bring coal to Newcastle.
Darcie was a little startled when the waiter asked her to pick a knife for her steak.
Perhaps it was because he told her, “Choose your weapon.” I shit you not.
Darcie loves road trips. My habit of storing Arbyʼs deep fried mozzarella sticks in the visor is something she is less fond of.
Shhh! Nobody tell Darcie Iʼm cooking outdoor dinner again tonight. Sheʼll get McDonaldʼs on her way home!
“No, Darcie. Keep eating. I'm just taking a picture of my sammitch.”
Darcie is becoming a Goonie in 25¢ increments.
Darcie always says I live life like itʼs the 1940ʼs. So I guess she wonʼt be surprised to find her anniversary present wrapped in the funnies.
Darcie: Have you been using my phone?
Me: Why?
Darcie: All my ads have changed.
Me: I Googled “astronaut diapers.”
Have you ever wondered what itʼs like to converse with the worldʼs most annoying six-year-old? Just add me to your text message list!
Iʼm going to make Chex Mix for Darcie; who is also a Czech mix.
Taco Bell makes me happy that Darcie insists I buy the good, fluffy toilet paper.
Darcie's three favorite entertainers are:
I see a pattern.
Slap a KGFN hat on her head, and Darcie thinks sheʼs a real life Goldfielder.
Sheʼs saving her pennies for the next land auction.