BlathrWayne Lorentz

Showing blathrs with the tag “🎄.”

Sparkly

Friday, November 4th, 2022 Alive 18,819 days

Christmas lights on Main Street in Houston

November 4th, and the Christmas lights are up on Main Street.

Iʼm O.K. with that.

❖ ❖ ❖

“Thanksmas?”

Tuesday, September 27th, 2022 Alive 18,781 days

A package of H.E.B. Holiday Stuffing potato chips

An object can be both well done, and not good at the same time. To wit: “Holiday Stuffing” favor potato chips from H.E.B.

The San Antonio supermarket chain has leapfrogged pumpkin spice season and landed firmly in the fuzzy, nostalgic quagmire of Thanksmas season.

Opening the bag, I took my usual deep breath of snackmosphere to preview what was ahead, and I nearly gagged. It really does smell very much like Stove-Top stuffing. It also tastes more like stuffing than a lot of brandsʼ actual boxed stuffing does these days.

So H.E.B. gets an A+ for execution, because when someone said “make stuffing-flavored potato chips,” someone else made it happen. But as food goes, itʼs just not good, because when you eat it, you expect one thing and get another.

Iʼll still finish the bag, though. And let the “Holiday” term slide because stuffing is traditional for both Christmas and Thanksgiving.

❖ ❖ ❖

Burning calories

Sunday, November 21st, 2021 Alive 18,471 days

The non-burned cookies

I made cookies today. Truthfully, I made about 40 cookies today, but these are the six that donʼt look awful.

❖ ❖ ❖

It says so on the box

Saturday, January 9th, 2021 Alive 18,155 days

A fragile box

A box arrived for my wife today. Itʼs marked fra-gee-lay. It must be Italian.

I wonder if Italians are sick of that joke.

❖ ❖ ❖

Almost forgot Jesusʼ birthday

Thursday, December 31st, 2020 Alive 18,146 days

I just got a Christmas card in the mail from the Cathedral-Basilica of the Immaculate Conception. It was postmarked December 23. I guess Christmas just kind of snuck up on the Archdiocese of Denver!

❖ ❖ ❖

Illuminating

Monday, December 28th, 2020 Alive 18,143 days

Based on the junk mail that comes in, the lady who used to live in this apartment was some kind of interior designer. She must have been a pretty high-end one because sheʼs constantly getting solicitations from companies trying to get her business. Last week, UPS delivered three boxes of candy from a lighting company trying to score her business.

I donʼt know if the lights are any good, but the candy was excellent.

❖ ❖ ❖

Ho ho, hmmm

Sunday, December 27th, 2020 Alive 18,142 days

I think the Santa side of Christmas deserves more examination.

We have created an entire season around parents giving gifts to their children, and then letting someone else take the credit.

Itʼs a billion-dollar illustration of the selflessness of parenting.

❖ ❖ ❖

Cheap date

Saturday, December 26th, 2020 Alive 18,141 days

Annie in a box

“Thank you for the box. Itʼs just what I wanted.”

❖ ❖ ❖

Ordinary, but elusive

Sunday, December 13th, 2020 Alive 18,128 days

Christmas Blend from Starbucks

Todayʼs coffee is Starbucks Christmas Blend. Not to be confused with Holiday Blend.

Holiday Blend is much more widely distributed than Christmas Blend. When I lived in Seattle, you couldnʼt find it at all. Here, itʼs available if you hunt for it, and I managed to get this one delivered.

Itʼs good. Iʼm not sure what makes it Christmassy. It doesnʼt taste of peppermint or elves or anything. Itʼs heavier than Blonde, but not going to mug you in an alley like Italian Roast. Itʼs just a shade darker than Pike Place, in my estimation. Itʼs a good coffee since I like my coffee the way I like my women: ordinary, but elusive.

❖ ❖ ❖

Saturday, December 5th, 2020 Alive 18,120 days

A screenshot of Appleʼs Home app

How does Appleʼs Home app not have a Christmas tree icon?

That seems like a pretty basic thing for a remote-controlled light switch.

❖ ❖ ❖

Real rules

Friday, December 4th, 2020 Alive 18,119 days

Annie showing zero interest in the Christmas tree

I got a Christmas tree.

When we lived in apartments in Chicago and Houston and Seattle and elsewhere, we always had real trees. Then when we moved into the big house here, we always had fake trees. Counterintuitive. Now that weʼre in an apartment again, I went real once more.

Darcie sent a picture of the tree to her sister, and sheʼs convinced itʼs fake. Itʼs sad when people are so used to fake things they think the real thing is inferior. Iʼm guilty of that, too. Banana-flavored ice pops tastes way better than actual bananas.

Annie shows zero interest in the Christmas tree. While I appreciate the lack of mischief, she really is a poor cat.

❖ ❖ ❖

Friday, December 7th, 2018 Alive 17,391 days

A damaged package

Not to be outdone by the Amazon delivery guys who throw my packages over the gate, UPS appears to have actually run over my wifeʼs Christmas present before handing it over to the Postal Service for the last-mile delivery.

❖ ❖ ❖

Sunday, December 2nd, 2018 Alive 17,386 days

I find it curious that the Palestinian prime minister can take part in the annual lighting of the Christmas tree ceremony at Manger Square in Bethlehem; but in America, where we supposedly have the freedom to speak our minds, many people are afraid to even say the word “Christmas” for fear of losing their jobs.

❖ ❖ ❖