Shhh! Nobody tell Darcie Iʼm cooking outdoor dinner again tonight. Sheʼll get McDonaldʼs on her way home!
Blathring in September, 2018.
Saturday, September 29th, 2018 Alive 17,322 days
Saturday, September 29th, 2018 Alive 17,322 days
Thursday, September 27th, 2018 Alive 17,320 days
Wednesday, September 26th, 2018 Alive 17,319 days
Wednesday, September 26th, 2018 Alive 17,319 days
Wednesday, September 26th, 2018 Alive 17,319 days
Iʼm old enough to remember life before Cool Ranch Doritos.
Those were a rough 15 years.
Monday, September 24th, 2018 Alive 17,317 days
Monday, September 24th, 2018 Alive 17,317 days
Do it!
Saturday, September 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,315 days
Saturday, September 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,315 days
Saturday, September 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,315 days
Friday, September 21st, 2018 Alive 17,314 days
Friday, September 21st, 2018 Alive 17,314 days
Friday, September 21st, 2018 Alive 17,314 days
Friday, September 21st, 2018 Alive 17,314 days
Thursday, September 20th, 2018 Alive 17,313 days
Thursday, September 20th, 2018 Alive 17,313 days
My carʼs warranty expired September 4.
Itʼs now September 20, and the car needs $600 worth of repairs that would have been covered.
Yet another reason Iʼll never buy another Fiat.
Wednesday, September 19th, 2018 Alive 17,312 days
Wednesday, September 19th, 2018 Alive 17,312 days
Monday, September 17th, 2018 Alive 17,310 days
Apple Maps has Interstate 11 on it just weeks after the freeway that Obama tried to kill opened.
Apple even has satellite photographs. Those brown perpendicular things are tunnels so that big horn sheep and desert tortoises donʼt cross the freeway. Each is monitored by cameras and computers tally the number of critters using them.
Apparently the sheep learn quickly because the newspaper says thereʼs already several dozen using it per day.
Saturday, September 15th, 2018 Alive 17,308 days
Saturday, September 15th, 2018 Alive 17,308 days
My neighbor across the street is standing in his driveway putting together a brand new, enormous red scythe! Heʼs from Russia, so he really knows how to hammer that sickle!
In other news, there is no Soviet flag emoji.
In other other news, someplace around here sells seven-foot-long scythes!
Saturday, September 15th, 2018 Alive 17,308 days
Thursday, September 13th, 2018 Alive 17,306 days
“Hi, there. Iʼm building a temple to my Earth goddess in the abandoned Burger King across the street, so Iʼm collecting samples of all the trees in the neighborhood to sacrifice in my Gender Studies class. Can I rip some branches off of your tree and put them in my blue bucket? K, thanks! Also, Iʼm high as fuck.”
Wednesday, September 12th, 2018 Alive 17,305 days
Wednesday, September 12th, 2018 Alive 17,305 days
Wednesday, September 12th, 2018 Alive 17,305 days
Monday, September 10th, 2018 Alive 17,303 days
Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days
Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days
Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days
Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days
Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days
Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days
Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days
Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

For those of you in states considering legalizing sports betting, this is what you're in for.
× 100.
Saturday, September 8th, 2018 Alive 17,301 days
Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days
Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days
Not exactly His Masterʼs Voice, but close enough.
Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days
This is a way better anniversary present than what I got Darcie. Oh, well. Better luck next year, Sweetie.
If you watch the video, wait till the very end to see the cat burp.
Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days
Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days
The hardest part of new glasses is trying to convince my face that it doesnʼt need to squint anymore.