BlathrWayne Lorentz

Blathring in September, 2018.

Sunday, September 30th, 2018 Alive 17,323 days

Eggs on the fry

Whenever I read my cowboy books at night, it makes me want to use my cast iron skillet in the morning.

Being dumb enough to grab the hot iron handle is probably not the only way Iʼm not a cowboy.

❖ ❖ ❖

Saturday, September 29th, 2018 Alive 17,322 days

Getting the fire ready to cook dinner

Shhh! Nobody tell Darcie Iʼm cooking outdoor dinner again tonight. Sheʼll get McDonaldʼs on her way home!

❖ ❖ ❖

Saturday, September 29th, 2018 Alive 17,322 days

A rapidly populating miniature beach

A couple of coworkers came back from a business trip to Biloxi and New Orleans, and brought a sea shell turtle and a plastic alligator for my desktop zen beach.

❖ ❖ ❖

Thursday, September 27th, 2018 Alive 17,320 days

An unknown growth

Sure, Albert Einstein was smart. But I bet he never created a new life form inside a Tupperware in the back of his fridge.

❖ ❖ ❖

Wednesday, September 26th, 2018 Alive 17,319 days

Iʼm old enough to remember life before Cool Ranch Doritos.

Those were a rough 15 years.

❖ ❖ ❖

Monday, September 24th, 2018 Alive 17,317 days

A six-pixel-tall font in Apple News

I love Apple News on the iPhone, but on macOS, it uses a six-pixel-tall font. And most headlines are just ten pixels tall, with no way to scale them.

Itʼs unusable by anyone past puberty.

❖ ❖ ❖

Do it!

Saturday, September 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,315 days

A container of sour cream next to a container of vanilla frosting

Every time my wife puts these two items next to each other in the refrigerator, a tiny angel appears on my right shoulder, and a tiny devil on my left.

❖ ❖ ❖

Saturday, September 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,315 days

A lady watching stripper videos in line at the Apple Store

If the lady ahead of you in line at the Apple Store to pick up a new iPhone is watching stripper videos on Instagram, you might be in Las Vegas.

❖ ❖ ❖

Friday, September 21st, 2018 Alive 17,314 days

A frame from WKRP in Cincinnati

I don't remember the bars in Cincinnati serving complimentary apple pies when I lived there.

❖ ❖ ❖

Thursday, September 20th, 2018 Alive 17,313 days

My carʼs warranty expired September 4.

Itʼs now September 20, and the car needs $600 worth of repairs that would have been covered.

Yet another reason Iʼll never buy another Fiat.

❖ ❖ ❖

Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

An advertisement for Microsoft The Manager

I guess this was Microsoft Office version 0.

❖ ❖ ❖

Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days

A malformed web page from NV Energy

I guess “bang” is one way for an electric company to get my attention.

❖ ❖ ❖

Thursday, September 6th, 2018 Alive 17,299 days

A baby changing station at the mall

I put my baby in this baby changing station for like five minutes, and no change. Still the same olʼ baby.

It must be out of order.

❖ ❖ ❖