Whenever I read my cowboy books at night, it makes me want to use my cast iron skillet in the morning.
Being dumb enough to grab the hot iron handle is probably not the only way Iʼm not a cowboy.
Shhh! Nobody tell Darcie Iʼm cooking outdoor dinner again tonight. Sheʼll get McDonaldʼs on her way home!
A couple of coworkers came back from a business trip to Biloxi and New Orleans, and brought a sea shell turtle and a plastic alligator for my desktop zen beach.
Sure, Albert Einstein was smart. But I bet he never created a new life form inside a Tupperware in the back of his fridge.
Iʼm old enough to remember life before Cool Ranch Doritos.
Those were a rough 15 years.
I love Apple News on the iPhone, but on macOS, it uses a six-pixel-tall font. And most headlines are just ten pixels tall, with no way to scale them.
Itʼs unusable by anyone past puberty.
Every time my wife puts these two items next to each other in the refrigerator, a tiny angel appears on my right shoulder, and a tiny devil on my left.
If the lady ahead of you in line at the Apple Store to pick up a new iPhone is watching stripper videos on Instagram, you might be in Las Vegas.
I don't remember the bars in Cincinnati serving complimentary apple pies when I lived there.
My carʼs warranty expired September 4.
Itʼs now September 20, and the car needs $600 worth of repairs that would have been covered.
Yet another reason Iʼll never buy another Fiat.
I guess this was Microsoft Office version 0.
I guess “bang” is one way for an electric company to get my attention.
I put my baby in this baby changing station for like five minutes, and no change. Still the same olʼ baby.
It must be out of order.