Blathr Wayne Lorentz

What is Blathr?

Blathring in September, 2018

Sunday, September 30th, 2018 Alive 17,323 days

Eggs on the fry

Whenever I read my cowboy books at night, it makes me want to use my cast iron skillet in the morning.

Being dumb enough to grab the hot iron handle is probably not the only way Iʼm not a cowboy.

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Saturday, September 29th, 2018 Alive 17,322 days

Getting the fire ready to cook dinner

Shhh! Nobody tell Darcie Iʼm cooking outdoor dinner again tonight. Sheʼll get McDonaldʼs on her way home!

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Saturday, September 29th, 2018 Alive 17,322 days

A rapidly populating miniature beach

A couple of coworkers came back from a business trip to Biloxi and New Orleans, and brought a sea shell turtle and a plastic alligator for my desktop zen beach.

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Thursday, September 27th, 2018 Alive 17,320 days

An unknown growth

Sure, Albert Einstein was smart. But I bet he never created a new life form inside a Tupperware in the back of his fridge.

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Wednesday, September 26th, 2018 Alive 17,319 days

A vintage bumper sticker on a vintage car

Saw this on my way home. So many things to say that I donʼt even know what to say.

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Wednesday, September 26th, 2018 Alive 17,319 days

An invaded desktop zen garden

Iʼm turning the miniature zen garden at work into a tiny beach. After all, whoʼs more zen than Jimmy Buffett?

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Wednesday, September 26th, 2018 Alive 17,319 days

Iʼm old enough to remember life before Cool Ranch Doritos.

Those were a rough 15 years.

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Monday, September 24th, 2018 Alive 17,317 days

macOS Mojave installation screen

I guess if itʼs called “Mojave,” Iʼm kinda obligated to try it out.

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Monday, September 24th, 2018 Alive 17,317 days

A six-pixel-tall font in Apple News

I love Apple News on the iPhone, but on macOS, it uses a six-pixel-tall font. And most headlines are just ten pixels tall, with no way to scale them.

Itʼs unusable by anyone past puberty.

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Do it!

Saturday, September 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,315 days

A container of sour cream next to a container of vanilla frosting

Every time my wife puts these two items next to each other in the refrigerator, a tiny angel appears on my right shoulder, and a tiny devil on my left.

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Saturday, September 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,315 days

A backyard cookout

Under 95° on a weekend? You know Darcieʼs coming home to an outdoor dinner.

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Saturday, September 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,315 days

A lady watching stripper videos in line at the Apple Store

If the lady ahead of you in line at the Apple Store to pick up a new iPhone is watching stripper videos on Instagram, you might be in Las Vegas.

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Friday, September 21st, 2018 Alive 17,314 days

A frame from WKRP in Cincinnati

I don't remember the bars in Cincinnati serving complimentary apple pies when I lived there.

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Friday, September 21st, 2018 Alive 17,314 days

Slices of ʼzza

Itʼs been 28 years since I last had Little Caesarʼs pizza. It has improved greatly in that time.

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Friday, September 21st, 2018 Alive 17,314 days

What appears to be the correct footwear for standing in line

I never know which shoes to wear to stand in line at the Apple Store. Iʼm glad someone has confidence in her footwear choices.

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Friday, September 21st, 2018 Alive 17,314 days

Apple snack delivery

A hundred people in the stand-by line to maybe, possibly, potentially buy an iPhone if there are any left at the end of the day. Two hundred people in this line for people who pre-paid and have an appointment to pick one up. We get snacks.

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Thursday, September 20th, 2018 Alive 17,313 days

A woman yanking branches off of a tree

Why is it that women keep attacking the tree outside my office window?

This chick hiked up her dress, adjusted her lady parts, and then went to town on the foliage.

After loading up on branches, she strolled off down the street, just like the other one did!

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Thursday, September 20th, 2018 Alive 17,313 days

My carʼs warranty expired September 4.

Itʼs now September 20, and the car needs $600 worth of repairs that would have been covered.

Yet another reason Iʼll never buy another Fiat.

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Wednesday, September 19th, 2018 Alive 17,312 days

A snoring cat

I have a California King bed, six pillows, and four inches of memory foam and I will never sleep as soundly as this cat on the fake wood floor.

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Wednesday, September 19th, 2018 Alive 17,312 days

A conspicuous person

“I just traded my shoes for this speedball. Mind if I shoot up right outside your office window? I don't think the people in the seven lanes of traffic will mind.”

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Monday, September 17th, 2018 Alive 17,310 days

A screenshot from Apple Map

Apple Maps has Interstate 11 on it just weeks after the freeway that Obama tried to kill opened.

Apple even has satellite photographs. Those brown perpendicular things are tunnels so that big horn sheep and desert tortoises donʼt cross the freeway. Each is monitored by cameras and computers tally the number of critters using them.

Apparently the sheep learn quickly because the newspaper says thereʼs already several dozen using it per day.

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Saturday, September 15th, 2018 Alive 17,308 days

Annie having a grand old time

The catʼs frolicking in my dirty socks. I guess laundry will just have to wait until tomorrow.

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Saturday, September 15th, 2018 Alive 17,308 days

My neighbor across the street is standing in his driveway putting together a brand new, enormous red scythe! Heʼs from Russia, so he really knows how to hammer that sickle!

In other news, there is no Soviet flag emoji.

In other other news, someplace around here sells seven-foot-long scythes!

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Saturday, September 15th, 2018 Alive 17,308 days

A nap in the sun

What Saturday is like, if youʼre a cat.

Also Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, September, November, and years with numbers in them.

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Thursday, September 13th, 2018 Alive 17,306 days

A woman debranching the tree outside my office window

“Hi, there. Iʼm building a temple to my Earth goddess in the abandoned Burger King across the street, so Iʼm collecting samples of all the trees in the neighborhood to sacrifice in my Gender Studies class. Can I rip some branches off of your tree and put them in my blue bucket? K, thanks! Also, Iʼm high as fuck.”

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Wednesday, September 12th, 2018 Alive 17,305 days

My car showing me all of its warning signs

“Today was an OK day.” Three minutes later…

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Wednesday, September 12th, 2018 Alive 17,305 days

A screenshot of htop

New machine at work. 12 cores. No waiting.

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Wednesday, September 12th, 2018 Alive 17,305 days

Construction cones outside my office window

Construction cones have appeared. Change is in the air.

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Monday, September 10th, 2018 Alive 17,303 days

A hat in the tree outside my office window

Charlie Brownʼs kite-eating tree has developed an appetite for hats.

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Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

Darcie supping on soup, while a knish awaits its fate

We're not Red Sea pedestrians, but we love matzah ball soup and a good knish!

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Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

Dinner at the Carnegie Deli

Darcie took me to the last Carnegie Deli for our anniversary. Sammitches so big I had to back up to take the picture.

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Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

Darcie tucking into dinner

“No, Darcie. Keep eating. I'm just taking a picture of my sammitch.”

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Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

A diabetes bar

Wilfred Brimley, no!!!

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Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

Darcie playing a Goonies slot machine at The Mirage

Darcie is becoming a Goonie in 25¢ increments.

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Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

Royceʼ chocolate

Tonightʼs adventure: Chocolate from Hokkaido.

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Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

An advertisement for Microsoft The Manager

I guess this was Microsoft Office version 0.

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Sunday, September 9th, 2018 Alive 17,302 days

The sports betting area at The Mirage

For those of you in states considering legalizing sports betting, this is what you're in for.

× 100.

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Saturday, September 8th, 2018 Alive 17,301 days

A paper-wrapped present

Darcie always says I live life like itʼs the 1940ʼs. So I guess she wonʼt be surprised to find her anniversary present wrapped in the funnies.

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Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days

A malformed web page from NV Energy

I guess “bang” is one way for an electric company to get my attention.

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Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days

Henri trying to understand the noises coming from the radio-shaped motion-activated Halloween decoration

Not exactly His Masterʼs Voice, but close enough.

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Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days

This is a way better anniversary present than what I got Darcie. Oh, well. Better luck next year, Sweetie.

If you watch the video, wait till the very end to see the cat burp.

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Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days

The morning news on KVVU-TV/Henderson

Donʼt you hate it when your anchor quits and you forget to change the Chyron?

(Monica Jackson has been gone for three days.)

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Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days

The hardest part of new glasses is trying to convince my face that it doesnʼt need to squint anymore.

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Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days

Thanksgiving decorations on offer

Thanksgiving decorations for sale on September 7. I guess the good part is that people can stop moaning about stores putting out Halloween stuff too soon.

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Thursday, September 6th, 2018 Alive 17,299 days

A baby changing station at the mall

I put my baby in this baby changing station for like five minutes, and no change. Still the same olʼ baby.

It must be out of order.

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Monday, September 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,296 days

Annie and her shiny friend

One of these cats is an inanimate object. The other is a brass statue.

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Saturday, September 1st, 2018 Alive 17,294 days

A grumpy cat

The face you make when the fitted sheet swallows everything else in the dryer and turns into a giant laundry ball thatʼs toasty warm and dry on the outside and crusty wet on the inside.

At least thatʼs the face I make.

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