Blathr Wayne Lorentz

What is Blathr?

Blathring in July, 2018

Sunday, July 29th, 2018 Alive 17,260 days

Incongruous conversion results from macOS

Why is it that macOS shows square feet for some calculations, and square miles for other nearly identical ones?

How is 0.0052 square miles supposed to be useful? Does anyone anywhere have a sense of how big or small that is?

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Sunday, July 29th, 2018 Alive 17,260 days

Wayward blossoms

I hope my neighbors like flowers, because my flowers sure like the neighbors!

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Sunday, July 29th, 2018 Alive 17,260 days

A confused cat

Henri looking to the sky wondering what the hell is going on. Itʼs been 174 days since it last rained in our neighborhood, and the kitties have forgotten what rain is.

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Saturday, July 28th, 2018 Alive 17,259 days

How bad is political correctness in Britain? A Wikipedia entry mentioning pirate broadcasters calls them “undocumented radio stations.”

Up next: Burglars are “undocumented homeowners.”

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Thursday, July 26th, 2018 Alive 17,257 days

A sleeping coffee machine

If the coffee machine falls asleep at work, what chance do I have?

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Thursday, July 26th, 2018 Alive 17,257 days

The macOS calculator

Today I learned that macOS has a programmerʼs calculator built-in. And has since 1992. Doh!

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Tuesday, July 24th, 2018 Alive 17,255 days

A screenshot showing a current temperature of 118°.
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Monday, July 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,254 days

A Tombstone pizza, allegedly sporting five cheeses

How do we really know this is a “5 Cheese Pizza?” All those little shreds look alike.

Has anyone in the history of everything said, “Wow! I can really taste the Asiago on this frozen cardboard plank!”

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Monday, July 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,254 days

123° in the shade on the car thermometer

Weʼve been pretty lucky this summer. It looks like our luck is about to run out.

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Monday, July 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,254 days

Installing a Mapnik tile server

It turns out that the IT department wonʼt notice you installing your own Mapnik tile server on localhost if itʼs too busy freaking out about your terminal emulator that transforms an HDMI connection into a bad 3270 display, complete with burn-in, flickering, and horizontal hold issues.

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Sunday, July 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,253 days

Henri next to the ingredients for Chex Mix

Iʼm going to make Chex Mix for Darcie; who is also a Czech mix.

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Sunday, July 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,253 days

A susiciously-formed egg

This morning my egg formed itself into a perfect circle. And I donʼt even own a ring mold.

Itʼs also Red Flag week on the other side of town. Coincidence?

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Sunday, July 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,253 days

A successful XMODEM transmission

We have achieved XMODEM on the TRS-80. Weekend project complete.

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Sunday, July 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,253 days

Today I left the house because the cat was being an asshole.

It may be time to re-evaluate how I rank around here.

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Saturday, July 21st, 2018 Alive 17,252 days

Annieʼs belly

Sunlight. Moonlight. Whatever warms your belly.

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Saturday, July 21st, 2018 Alive 17,252 days

The National Weather Serviceʼs new warning slogan

It appears the National Weather Service has added the slogan “Pull aside, stay alive” for sandstorms to its lexicon. It joins “Turn around, donʼt drown” for flash floods.

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Saturday, July 21st, 2018 Alive 17,252 days

A slow transmission

Itʼs been a long time since I transferred a file at 300 baud. I think thatʼs how I got fat as a kid. Nothing to do for 12 minutes but see whatʼs in the fridge.

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Saturday, July 21st, 2018 Alive 17,252 days

The best thing about internet video is that it finally stopped Canadians from pronouncing “DOS” the way Spanish people pronounce “two.”

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Friday, July 20th, 2018 Alive 17,251 days

A greasy food bag and its straws

So this is what our society has come to. Iʼm hoarding Five Guy straws in anticipation of straws being outlawed everywhere like prohibition hooch, or pre-Obama French fry grease.

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Thursday, July 19th, 2018 Alive 17,250 days

Today I learned that if you take a sharp turn very quickly, my car thinks itʼs upside down and the hazard lights go mad. So thatʼs a thing.

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Tuesday, July 17th, 2018 Alive 17,248 days

Mutant cacti

A week ago my mutant cacti stopped their weird growth spurt aimed at Area 51. I thought it was over. Then yesterday, they all turned around and started pointing down the road toward Fort Irwin, where the Army has a dozen “villages” identical to various Middle Eastern locations and populated with actual Middle Easterners in order to train the Special Forces.

Itʼs like a Spielberg movie on my mantle.

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Sunday, July 15th, 2018 Alive 17,246 days

In April of 1982, I waited an agonizing three weeks for the UPS guy to deliver a 1541 drive that could hold 170K of data.

Tonight, Amazon brought me a drive that holds 25,000 times more data… in 90 minutes… at midnight.

So maybe not everything is more terrible today than it used to be.

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Sunday, July 15th, 2018 Alive 17,246 days

The coat of arms of the Diocese of Albany, as depicted by Jayarathina (CC BY-SA 4.0)

Worst diocesan coat of arms in America: The giant dancing beaver repping the Diocese of Albany.

Best diocesan coat of arms in America: The eagle holding a spear from the Diocese of Samoa-Pago Pago.

The coat of arms of the Diocese of Samoa Pago-Pago as depicted by Marek Sobola (CC BY-SA 4.0)
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Saturday, July 14th, 2018 Alive 17,245 days

In 1982 I waited three weeks for the UPS guy to deliver a Commodore 1541 disk drive that held 170K of data.

Tonight, Amazon Prime delivered a Western Digital drive that holds 25,000 times more data in just 90 minutes. At midnight.

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Saturday, July 14th, 2018 Alive 17,245 days

Part of the menu at the Omelet House in Las Vegas, Nevada

This is what happens when you let Jerry Lewis eat breakfast in your diner too often.

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Saturday, July 14th, 2018 Alive 17,245 days

Screenshot from a local butcherʼs web site

Searching for a new butcher this morning, I was reminded once again that you can get anything in Vegas. Anything.

So if anyone needs any coyote chops, bobcat stew meat, peacock thighs, lion fish filets, or otter steaks, I know a place.

Also, guinea pig nards (apparently suitable for slow cookers) are $19.99 a set. A SET!

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Friday, July 13th, 2018 Alive 17,244 days

Worst tech job of the 1980’s: Typesetter at Computer Shopper.

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Friday, July 13th, 2018 Alive 17,244 days

Stand-ins for exotic species

My backyard is full of flamingos and alligators. Itʼs like Florida in here.

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You want fries with that?

Thursday, July 12th, 2018 Alive 17,243 days

A screenshot of an Apple News headline

You can tell it’s fake news because there’s no way a hundred Americans have ordered a salad at McDonald’s.

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Thursday, July 12th, 2018 Alive 17,243 days

A screenshot of a headline on Apple News that doesnʼt quite make sense

Man, I hate when zombies show up in court. Stinks up the joint.

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Wednesday, July 11th, 2018 Alive 17,242 days

They say that Iron Chefs can cook anything.

OK, prove it. Bring on Battle: American Cheese.

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Wednesday, July 11th, 2018 Alive 17,242 days

A mistake on the KLAS-TV morning news

Ordinarily Iʼd say that the technical director double-punched. But who am I kidding? In this marker, the director probably punches his own shows.

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Tuesday, July 10th, 2018 Alive 17,241 days

I wonder how many times someoneʼs said aloud, “Hey, Siri, *buuuuuuuuuuuurp!*

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And then he runs into the living room

Monday, July 9th, 2018 Alive 17,240 days

There should be a word for when youʼre taking a leak, and the cat walks between you and the toilet with his tail raised high, and you end up peeing on your own cat.

I mean other than “Eeeeew.”

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Monday, July 9th, 2018 Alive 17,240 days

Taco Bell makes me happy that Darcie insists I buy the good, fluffy toilet paper.

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Sunday, July 8th, 2018 Alive 17,239 days

A shredder malfunction

I donʼt think itʼs helpful to start a whole big thing about who broke what shredder.

Letʼs just say that design tolerances were exceeded, and leave it at that.

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Saturday, July 7th, 2018 Alive 17,238 days

A yard care truck

If you see yard care trucks with the phrase “We speak English” on them, you might live in Nevada.

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Saturday, July 7th, 2018 Alive 17,238 days

A non-responsive Cox Internet web site

When your internet providerʼs web site is borked…

Naturally, the bill payment section works. But only the bill payment section.

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Saturday, July 7th, 2018 Alive 17,238 days

A screenshot from the Las Vegas Valley Water District web site

I think this is the dumbest thing Iʼve ever seen while trying to pay a bill online.

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Friday, July 6th, 2018 Alive 17,237 days

I ordered Planters cocktail peanuts from Amazon Fresh. It arrived in bubble wrap, instead of packing peanuts.

Seems like an opportunity missed.

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Wednesday, July 4th, 2018 Alive 17,235 days

A headline from Apple News

I can go two ways with this:

  1. The chairman is apologizing because Asiana flights lack suicide?
  2. The chairman of Asiana Airlines is apologizing for providing the same level of service that American airlines provide.
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Wednesday, July 4th, 2018 Alive 17,235 days

An advertisement with placeholder text

Once you’ve tried Your Text coffee, you’ll never go back to Folger’s crystals.

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Tuesday, July 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,234 days

I ate so many Doritos when I was a teen-ager that I may die, but Iʼll never decompose.

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Tuesday, July 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,234 days

A Vegas Strong cup of coffee

Telling the barista that your name is “Vegas Strong” so they have to yell “Vegas Strong!” across the coffee shop when your drink is ready was cool for the first couple of weeks after the massacre. But now that everyone does it, nobody knows whoʼs drink is whose.

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Monday, July 2nd, 2018 Alive 17,233 days

An iDisk icon

Itʼs been six years since Apple discontinued .mac. I guess I can get rid of the WebDAV bookmark now.

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Sunday, July 1st, 2018 Alive 17,232 days

We all wanted to grow up to be Dr. Johnny Fever or Venus Flytrap.

We ended up being Les Nessman and Herb Tarlek.

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Sunday, July 1st, 2018 Alive 17,232 days

There are only two occasions in life when you get to use the word "bevy." Quails and bathing beauties.

Guess which one ran in front of my car today.

Since I live in Las Vegas, the answer may not be as easy as it seems.

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Sunday, July 1st, 2018 Alive 17,232 days

Darcie's three favorite entertainers are:

  • Dean Martin
  • Steve Martin
  • Chris Martin

I see a pattern.

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Sunday, July 1st, 2018 Alive 17,232 days

This weekend I replaced the backyard hose bib, fixed Darcieʼs leaky toilet, replaced a tail light on my car, replaced a segment of the underground irrigation system, put out the flags, and fixed the hummingbird feeder. Itʼs like Iʼm Harry Homeowner or something.

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