BlathrWayne Lorentz

Blathring in July, 2018.

Sunday, July 29th, 2018 Alive 17,260 days

Incongruous conversion results from macOS

Why is it that macOS shows square feet for some calculations, and square miles for other nearly identical ones?

How is 0.0052 square miles supposed to be useful? Does anyone anywhere have a sense of how big or small that is?

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Saturday, July 28th, 2018 Alive 17,259 days

How bad is political correctness in Britain? A Wikipedia entry mentioning pirate broadcasters calls them “undocumented radio stations.”

Up next: Burglars are “undocumented homeowners.”

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Thursday, July 26th, 2018 Alive 17,257 days

A sleeping coffee machine

If the coffee machine falls asleep at work, what chance do I have?

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Monday, July 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,254 days

A Tombstone pizza, allegedly sporting five cheeses

How do we really know this is a “5 Cheese Pizza?” All those little shreds look alike.

Has anyone in the history of everything said, “Wow! I can really taste the Asiago on this frozen cardboard plank!”

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Sunday, July 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,253 days

Today I left the house because the cat was being an asshole.

It may be time to re-evaluate how I rank around here.

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Saturday, July 21st, 2018 Alive 17,252 days

The best thing about internet video is that it finally stopped Canadians from pronouncing “DOS” the way Spanish people pronounce “two.”

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Sunday, July 15th, 2018 Alive 17,246 days

The coat of arms of the Diocese of Albany, as depicted by Jayarathina (CC BY-SA 4.0)

Worst diocesan coat of arms in America: The giant dancing beaver repping the Diocese of Albany.

Best diocesan coat of arms in America: The eagle holding a spear from the Diocese of Samoa-Pago Pago.

The coat of arms of the Diocese of Samoa Pago-Pago as depicted by Marek Sobola (CC BY-SA 4.0)
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Saturday, July 14th, 2018 Alive 17,245 days

In 1982 I waited three weeks for the UPS guy to deliver a Commodore 1541 disk drive that held 170K of data.

Tonight, Amazon Prime delivered a Western Digital drive that holds 25,000 times more data in just 90 minutes. At midnight.

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Friday, July 13th, 2018 Alive 17,244 days

Worst tech job of the 1980’s: Typesetter at Computer Shopper.

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Thursday, July 12th, 2018 Alive 17,243 days

A screenshot of a headline on Apple News that doesnʼt quite make sense

Man, I hate when zombies show up in court. Stinks up the joint.

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You want fries with that?

Thursday, July 12th, 2018 Alive 17,243 days

A screenshot of an Apple News headline

You can tell it’s fake news because there’s no way a hundred Americans have ordered a salad at McDonald’s.

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Wednesday, July 11th, 2018 Alive 17,242 days

They say that Iron Chefs can cook anything.

OK, prove it. Bring on Battle: American Cheese.

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Tuesday, July 10th, 2018 Alive 17,241 days

I wonder how many times someoneʼs said aloud, “Hey, Siri, *buuuuuuuuuuuurp!*

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And then he runs into the living room

Monday, July 9th, 2018 Alive 17,240 days

There should be a word for when youʼre taking a leak, and the cat walks between you and the toilet with his tail raised high, and you end up peeing on your own cat.

I mean other than “Eeeeew.”

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Saturday, July 7th, 2018 Alive 17,238 days

A yard care truck

If you see yard care trucks with the phrase “We speak English” on them, you might live in Nevada.

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Friday, July 6th, 2018 Alive 17,237 days

I ordered Planters cocktail peanuts from Amazon Fresh. It arrived in bubble wrap, instead of packing peanuts.

Seems like an opportunity missed.

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Wednesday, July 4th, 2018 Alive 17,235 days

An advertisement with placeholder text

Once you’ve tried Your Text coffee, you’ll never go back to Folger’s crystals.

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Wednesday, July 4th, 2018 Alive 17,235 days

A headline from Apple News

I can go two ways with this:

  1. The chairman is apologizing because Asiana flights lack suicide?
  2. The chairman of Asiana Airlines is apologizing for providing the same level of service that American airlines provide.
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Tuesday, July 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,234 days

I ate so many Doritos when I was a teen-ager that I may die, but Iʼll never decompose.

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Monday, July 2nd, 2018 Alive 17,233 days

An iDisk icon

Itʼs been six years since Apple discontinued .mac. I guess I can get rid of the WebDAV bookmark now.

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Sunday, July 1st, 2018 Alive 17,232 days

There are only two occasions in life when you get to use the word "bevy." Quails and bathing beauties.

Guess which one ran in front of my car today.

Since I live in Las Vegas, the answer may not be as easy as it seems.

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Sunday, July 1st, 2018 Alive 17,232 days

We all wanted to grow up to be Dr. Johnny Fever or Venus Flytrap.

We ended up being Les Nessman and Herb Tarlek.

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