Blathr Wayne Lorentz

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Showing blathrs with the tag “Death Valley National Park.”

Saturday, January 12th, 2019 Alive 17,427 days

Worst. Fire escape. Ever.

In the event of a fire, proceed quickly and calmly to the emergency exit. Then run uphill over gravel for half a mile in your pajamas.

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Saturday, January 12th, 2019 Alive 17,427 days

The parking lot entrance to the Death Valley Inn

Joe: How do we make our scary underground hotel entrance look less like a portal to hell?

Sam: I got it! Geraniums!

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Saturday, January 12th, 2019 Alive 17,427 days

The parking lot entrance to the Death Valley Inn

Worst. Hotel. Entrance. Ever. This is why I valet.

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Saturday, January 12th, 2019 Alive 17,427 days

The thermal spring pool at the Death Valley Inn

30° air. 105° pool. And thereʼs more minerals in the spring-fed pool than in the rocks they built the hotel with.

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Saturday, January 12th, 2019 Alive 17,427 days

The taco restaurant on the Timbisha Shoshone reservation in Death Valley
  • Good: The Timbisha Shoshone indians have opened the first business on their new reservation: a taco stand.
  • Bad: Iʼm the only one here.
  • Worse: A taco costs ten bucks.

Minutes later, the place filled up with hungry tourists. With the white manʼs government shut down, this is about the only food available in this part of Death Valley.

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Saturday, January 12th, 2019 Alive 17,427 days

Darcie holding a ceramic pot

When I heard that California legalized pot, I knew I couldnʼt stop Darcie.

She hates that joke.

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Saturday, January 12th, 2019 Alive 17,427 days

Framed bloomers

I once suggested we frame Darcieʼs underpants and hang them on the wall. But she didnʼt like the idea until she saw it just now. I guess Darcieʼs just a late bloomer.

She hates that joke.

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Saturday, January 12th, 2019 Alive 17,427 days

A teahouse on top of a mountain

Darcie: A tea house with a view? Sounds great!

Concierge: Itʼs a one mile hike uphill on gravel.

Me: Whatʼs the number for room service?

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Saturday, January 12th, 2019 Alive 17,427 days

Darice on a mountain of rocks

Darcie rocks. That is all.

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Saturday, January 12th, 2019 Alive 17,427 days

Death Valley

Death Valley is kind of a schist hole.

Darcie hates that joke.

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Friday, January 11th, 2019 Alive 17,426 days

A steam-powered borax wagon

You think your soccer mom Escalade is the shit? Make way for my 11-wheeled, steam-powered borax wagon!

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Friday, January 11th, 2019 Alive 17,426 days

A stalled stagcoach

The next stagecoach to Tonopah will be… delayed.

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Friday, January 11th, 2019 Alive 17,426 days

The Death Valley Inn

Sam: Now that the borax mine is tapped out, nobody needs our railroad anymore. What should we do?

Joe: Letʼs build a four-diamond hotel at the end of the line to lure rich people from Los Angeles into the middle of nowhere, then start a big media campaign to convince Congress to make the land around it a national park so people wonʼt be scared to come to a place named Death Valley.

Sam: Sounds good to me!

And thatʼs pretty much what happened.

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Friday, January 11th, 2019 Alive 17,426 days

Darcie being civilized

Darcie spends a quiet evening writing postcards in the hotel library.

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Friday, January 11th, 2019 Alive 17,426 days

Sunset over Death Valley

Evening cocktails overlooking Badwater Basin.

Elevation: -281 feet.

Weather: Overcast, with scattered fighter jets.

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Friday, January 11th, 2019 Alive 17,426 days

A nook in the Death Valley Inn

I shall drink rum and read a Los Angeles Times here.

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Friday, January 11th, 2019 Alive 17,426 days

A negative GPS reading

♫ Iʼve got friends in low places… ♫

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