BlathrWayne Lorentz

Blathring in November, 2020.

It is The Onion

Monday, November 30th, 2020 Alive 18,115 days

A screenshot from The Onion's web site

Well, hereʼs a new DGPR fail. Not only can I not decline to be tracked by The Onion, I canʼt even accept to be tracked because the Accept button doesnʼt work.

Maybe this is some kind of subtle humor.

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Itʼs still legal

Monday, November 30th, 2020 Alive 18,115 days

A cartoon cowboy saddling up in the Atari catalog

You can tell itʼs a childrenʼs game because thereʼs a cartoon.

You can tell itʼs 1978 because the cowboy has a cigarette.

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Strong and aggressive

Sunday, November 29th, 2020 Alive 18,114 days

Espresso Blend from Starbucks

Todayʼs coffee is Starbucks Espresso Blend.

Before Starbucks came out with the Blonde Roast, this was my go-to brew. I havenʼt had it in at least 15 years, and I can say that I understand why people who are used to Dunkinʼ Dishwater think Starbucks coffee tastes burned. Of course, itʼs not burned. Itʼs just a lot stronger than theyʼre used to, and itʼs espresso, not coffee, which they often canʼt wrap their brains around.

It took a little bit, but I think Iʼm used to it again. Itʼs certainly stronger than what Iʼve been drinking for the last year or so. It needs more sweetener than regular coffee, and doesnʼt take to Splenda or skim milk well. Youʼve got to go for the real stuff: Sugar and cream. Maybe thatʼs why people think Starbucks drinks are too tarted up. In reality, itʼs compensating for stronger bean taste. Thatʼs what we drink coffee for. After all, I like my coffee the way I like my women: strong and aggressive, like my college girlfriend who could beat six people in a bar fight and then spend the rest of the evening sewing herself a new dress. That was a fun six months.

Fun fact: Houston was where I first started to drink coffee, and Starbucks in River Oaks was my first Starbucks.

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Sunday, November 29th, 2020 Alive 18,114 days

Iʼve read that Muslims pray five times a day. Some people think thatʼs too much. But how many times a day do you bow your head before the god of social media?

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Saturday, November 28th, 2020 Alive 18,113 days

Maybe people wouldnʼt think the world is flat, if journalists went back to saying “around the world” instead of “across the world.”

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Blue mold

Thursday, November 26th, 2020 Alive 18,111 days

Runny Jell-O

Darcie: “You made a Jell-O mold?”

Me: “Yep!”

Darcie: “What flavor?”

Me: “Raspberry failure!”

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Oh, nuts

Thursday, November 26th, 2020 Alive 18,111 days

A nutmeg splooted in an unbaked pumpkin pie

Grating fresh nutmeg on the pumpkin pie before baking it seemed like a good idea, until the nut fell in.

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Well, it was made by monkeys

Wednesday, November 25th, 2020 Alive 18,110 days

A screenshot of MailChimpʼs broken survey

Kinda hard to fill out MailChimpʼs usability survey when the survey is unusable on mobile.

Thereʼs no way to submit the answers.

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Eleven

Tuesday, November 24th, 2020 Alive 18,109 days

We got a notice from the health department that someone in the apartment complex has COVID, but it canʼt tell us who. The next day there was an article in the newspaper that a bunch of the players for the local NHL team have it, too. Some of the players live in this apartment complex because weʼre next door to the practice arena. Which was shut down because of the ʼrona on the same day as the newspaper article.

It doesnʼt take a rocket surgeon to add 1 and 1 and get eleven.

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Wallpaper television

Monday, November 23rd, 2020 Alive 18,108 days

I watched NewsNation today. For a Tribune product itʼs not bad. Itʼs not good, but itʼs not people screaming at me for an hour telling me that Iʼm going to die. Itʼs like a newscast on mood stabilizers. Remember the early days of CNN when you would just turn it on and let it run in the background and kind of dip in and out? Thatʼs what NewsNation is for.

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Man on the move

Sunday, November 22nd, 2020 Alive 18,107 days

Iʼve done the math and it would cost the same for me to get on an Amtrak and never get off as it would to rent a new apartment.

Even with the extra expense of getting a room on the train, because meals are included if you have a room. Plus someone comes in and changes the sheets every day and gives you fresh towels and snacks. Probably every week or so Iʼd have to have a layover day in a hotel so I could do laundry. But otherwise, I could do a continuous loop of Chicago → Seattle → Los Angeles → New Orleans → Chicago. Luckily, Iʼm not affected by motion sickness.

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Navajo times

Saturday, November 21st, 2020 Alive 18,106 days

A clipping from the Navajo Times

Saw this graphic in the Navajo Times today. It says not to make a COVID mask out of leather or coffee filters. I had no idea this was a problem.

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Sunday, November 15th, 2020 Alive 18,100 days

An error message from Facebook

Facebook claims to have the “smartest people in the room” working for it.

If Facebook canʼt keep its web site working, what chance do I have?

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Monday, November 9th, 2020 Alive 18,094 days

Diptyqueʼs 404 page

After enduring four pop-ups, I click on “Gifts” and get a 404 error. Good job, Diptyque. It looks like the marketing department runs the web site, not IT.

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Smooth and bold

Sunday, November 8th, 2020 Alive 18,093 days

Dark Piñon from Piñon Coffee

Today’s coffee is Dark Piñon, from Piñon Coffee in Albuquerque.

It’s very similar to the regular piñon coffee, but in a dark roast. I like darker roasts in the colder months. Maybe it has something to do with hibernation. Maybe just because I like my coffee the way I like my women: smooth and bold. It’s a good coffee if you want a lot of coffee flavor, but also have to nurse an ulcer.

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Youʼre not?

Sunday, November 8th, 2020 Alive 18,093 days

A ScreenTime screenshot

The election makes me look like a screen junkie.

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Sunday, November 8th, 2020 Alive 18,093 days

A screenshot of a bunch of pop-ups obscuring a web site

I wonder what kind off things Made In New Mexico sells. I guess Iʼll never know since the products are hidden behind six pop-ups.

So I bought elsewhere.

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Saturday, November 7th, 2020 Alive 18,092 days

I saw the paperboy for the first time today. She had lots and lots of newspapers in her arms for my building, so I don’t feel like weird old Uncle Bert for getting newspapers anymore.

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Pretty fly for a baller

Friday, November 6th, 2020 Alive 18,091 days

Today for no reason in particular I was listening to a 1950’s beatnik poetry record. It turns out that “baller” isn’t new slang invented by the hip-hop crowd. Itʼs at least ¾ of a century old.

I guess itʼs just like “fly” goes back to Victorian times. Nothing is new.

I’ve read that pretty much 50% of the idioms in the English language is owed to Shakespeare and the Bible.

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Thursday, November 5th, 2020 Alive 18,090 days

A Whole Foods error message

If Amazon.com canʼt keep Whole Foods running, what chance do I have?

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Tuesday, November 3rd, 2020 Alive 18,088 days

The cable is out. Itʼs not like thereʼs a presidential election going on and I might want to watch CNN or anything.

Good thing I also have an over-the-air antenna. CBS News, here I come.

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Tuesday, November 3rd, 2020 Alive 18,088 days

An error message from eBay

If fleaBay canʼt keep its web site up, what chance do I have?

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Monday, November 2nd, 2020 Alive 18,087 days

An error message from eBay

There is simply no way to opt-out of #spam from fleaBay.

If it canʼt handle something as simple as e-mail subscriptions, why would I trust it with money?

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