BlathrWayne Lorentz

Showing blathrs with the tag “Candy.”

Letʼs be careful out there

Sunday, October 30th, 2022 Alive 18,814 days

A screenshot of the Peanuts gang on the prowl for tricks or treats

I watched Itʼs the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown tonight. I never noticed before that when they go trick-or-treating, all of the Peanuts kids are wearing rubber gloves.

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Thereʼs a frog in your throat

Sunday, October 16th, 2022 Alive 18,800 days

A Fortnum & Mason chocolate toad

For Halloween this year, my wife bought me a chocolate toad.

This is no cheap injection-moulded Hershey-grade nosh. This is a hefty hopper, decorated to a level of realism that is startling, if youʼre not expecting it to be there when you open the refrigerator door.

Mr. Toad is from the Fortnum & Mason department store in London. The confection connection between chocolate, amphibians, and Britannia may put you in mind of the fictional chocolate frogs from Harry Potter. The difference is those are in movies, and this is in my kitchen.

It weighs almost half a pound, and Iʼm not sure how I'm going to eat it. I have no problem biting the heads off of Easter bunnies. They look like cartoons. But this knobby indulgence has sugary eyes that look straight into your soul.

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You bought them out, right?

Sunday, August 1st, 2021 Alive 18,359 days

Halloween-themed candy from the Terrible Herbst

August 1st, and the gas station is already loaded for Halloween.

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Iʼll hold it

Monday, April 12th, 2021 Alive 18,248 days

The menʼs room at Death Valley Nut and Candy

Amazingly, the menʼs room at Death Valley Nut and Candy isnʼt the worst public restroom Iʼve ever used.

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Illuminating

Monday, December 28th, 2020 Alive 18,143 days

Based on the junk mail that comes in, the lady who used to live in this apartment was some kind of interior designer. She must have been a pretty high-end one because sheʼs constantly getting solicitations from companies trying to get her business. Last week, UPS delivered three boxes of candy from a lighting company trying to score her business.

I donʼt know if the lights are any good, but the candy was excellent.

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Om nom nom nom

Friday, October 16th, 2020 Alive 18,070 days

My doctor says that if you have to eat chocolate, dark chocolate covered espresso beans is the way to go. The espresso helps you burn the calories, and the dark chocolate and space taken up by the beans cuts down on the sugar.

If you canʼt trust a Las Vegas doctor, who can you trust?

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Whopper of a lunch

Thursday, October 8th, 2020 Alive 18,062 days

A lunch sack filled with Whoppers

Each day for the last month, Iʼve included a piece of Halloween candy when I pack Darcieʼs lunch. And each day I notice that the Whoppers always seem to come back unopened.

I think she hasnʼt really given Whoppers a chance. So I made her an all-Whoppers lunch today.

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