Blathr Wayne Lorentz

What is Blathr?

Blathring in February, 2019

Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

Animal tracks in The Valley of Fire

Bighorn sheep tracks, followed by big-ass cat tracks. Lunch is served

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

An ignored warning sign

You can tell this is a “dangerous area” and that “this is not a trail” by the five million bootprints going around the warning sign.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

Valley of Fire State Park

Any minute now Matt Damon is going to pop up and ask to be rescued.

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The road, she is closed

Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

A road closed sign

Lunch is down in that valley. Itʼs a 40 mile detour.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

The reds of the Valley of Fire, as it actually often appears to the human eye, which is hard for people who live in humid places to understand

When I load photos of Valley of Fire into programs like Lightroom, they automatically crank the color down 15 notches because the programmers at Adobe in Seattle canʼt conceive of a place that isnʼt as humid and grey as where they live.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

The skeleton of a cactus

Seeing a cactus skeleton is a good way to understand how much water they store.

The large black things are hare droppings. The tiny black dots that cover everything is called cryptobiotic soil: “cyanobacteria that cement the soil together. It provides nutrients for plants and seeds, and increases the soil topography which allows greater moisture absorption. This crust is only a few millimeters thick and is easily destroyed when walked on. Recovery can take between 7 and 250 years. Please donʼt walk on it.”

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

The Valley of Fire

Pay no attention to the 200-foot-tall rock monsters crawling out of the chasm.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

The Valley of Fire

“You got your limestone in my sandstone!”

“You got your sandstone in my limestone!”

Two great rocks that rock great together.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

The Valley of Fire

Ribbons of quartz separate the layers of sandstone.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

A tortoise crossing sign

This may be the only occasion when a tortoise has been described as having a wild life.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

A road through the Valley of Fire

The speed limit is 25 MPH. Itʼll take a year to get over that mountain!

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

The Valley of Fire

I took the Hasselblad out to the Valley of Fire today. My main lens is just about toast because so much sand gets into it on these trips.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

Bighorn sheep

Stag party at the Valley of Fire on a Saturday evening.

(Theyʼre actually rams, not stags, but I couldnʼt think of anything to say for “ram.”)

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

Darcieʼs shoes

Darcieʼs all kitted out for adventure.

Sneakers from Barneyʼs New York.

Socks from Mars.

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Sunday, February 24th, 2019 Alive 17,470 days

Fred the Chuckwalla in his tank

Darcie spent 20 minutes communing with Fred the Chuckwalla.

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Recursive

Friday, February 22nd, 2019 Alive 17,468 days

A TRS-80 Model 100 running the Associated Press Mouse program

I have written down my memories of using a TRS-80 Model 100 as a journalist.

To keep it kosher, I wrote it on my TRS-80 Model 100.

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Monday, February 18th, 2019 Alive 17,464 days

The Wikipedia entry for “Teletype”

How much knowledge has been lost thanks to the “information age?”

The entry for “Teletype” in Wikipedia is just 2 paragraphs.

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Monday, February 18th, 2019 Alive 17,464 days

Cactus with a snowy crown

The Great Presidents Day Blizzard of 2019. We will rebuild.

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Sunday, February 17th, 2019 Alive 17,463 days

Iʼm glad Iʼm off tomorrow. I donʼt think you can even buy snow tires in this town.

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Sunday, February 17th, 2019 Alive 17,463 days

A tiny snowman

Not my best work, but Iʼm 30 years out of practice.

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Eddy Grant sighs

Sunday, February 17th, 2019 Alive 17,463 days

Not only do kids these days not know how to rock on down to Electric Avenue, they’re clueless about taking it higher.

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Sunday, February 17th, 2019 Alive 17,463 days

A snowy night in Summerlin

The kid on me thinks all this snow is awesome.

The adult in me remembers that Nevada has six snow plows for an area the size of New Jersey. And the city of Las Vegas has exactly zero.

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Saturday, February 16th, 2019 Alive 17,462 days

In the street this afternoon:

Neighbor: Hi, Wayne!

Me: Hey, Peter. Been quiet around your place lately.

Peter: Yeah, we were visiting my mom.

Me: Yeah, Annie told me.

Peter: Isnʼt Annie your cat?

Me: Yeah.

Peter: You talk to your cat?

Me: No, that would be crazy. She talks to me.

Peter: …long pause… Well, I gotta go check on the kidsʼ homework now. See you later!

Darcie says things like this are why his family doesnʼt come to our door for trick-or-treat.

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Saturday, February 16th, 2019 Alive 17,462 days

Cans of Skyline chili

Three day weekend.

Four cans of Skyline chili.

Challenge accepted.

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Saturday, February 16th, 2019 Alive 17,462 days

A picture of Buck Rogers in the 25th Century on a TV

Bull from Night Court and Lennie from Law and Order in the same 1970’s space monster soap opera.

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Saturday, February 16th, 2019 Alive 17,462 days

Kids these days don’t understand that the rhythm is going to get them. The rhythm is going to get them. The rhythm is going to get them. Tonight.

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Friday, February 15th, 2019 Alive 17,461 days

A quick repair job

Meanwhile, outside my office window, a guy tries to fix his car.

Itʼs 50° and windy, and heʼs shirtless. I can only assume he doesnʼt want to get it dirty.

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Friday, February 15th, 2019 Alive 17,461 days

Carrot cake at The Palm

Date night at The Palm with carrot cake. I think Darcie was there, too.

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Friday, February 15th, 2019 Alive 17,461 days

George Bushʼs clothing receipt

I went to the store tonight to buy a shirt. Hereʼs what happened at the register:

Lady: Can I have your phone number?

Me: 202-456-1414

Lady: …punches number into register… Are you George?

Me: Sure, why not.

Lady: Is your name “George?”

Me: I donʼt give out my phone number. Thatʼs the number for the White House switchboard.

Lady: It says youʼre George Bush.

Me: Iʼm OK with that.

Lady: …sigh…

I guess someone else is running the same gag.

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For just a dollar a day…

Friday, February 15th, 2019 Alive 17,461 days

An error message from the Citibank web site

We only gave Citibank $326,000,000,000.00 in taxpayer money for its bailout. Maybe if we all chip in a little more, Citi can fix its web site.

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A stand-up gal

Wednesday, February 13th, 2019 Alive 17,459 days

A bad Amazon.com search

I searched Amazon.com for “easel.”

One of these things is not like the others.

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Tuesday, February 12th, 2019 Alive 17,458 days

Domo-kun protecting a tiny wheat field

Boss: What is happening at your desk?

Me: Iʼm growing wheat.

Boss: …quickly walks away…

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Tuesday, February 12th, 2019 Alive 17,458 days

Sometimes I think I should sell my house.

I wonder what the landlady would think of that.

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Tuesday, February 12th, 2019 Alive 17,458 days

When I think of all the money Iʼve spent at Starbucks over the last quarter century, I feel like Howard Schultz owes me an ambassadorship or something.

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Tuesday, February 12th, 2019 Alive 17,458 days

A guy getting handcuffed by MetroCops

Meanwhile, outside my office window, in the middle of traffic…

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Nerd hard

Saturday, February 9th, 2019 Alive 17,455 days

Hard drives winking

Itʼs backup day, which means a stack of USB drives USB driving.

It reminds me of when I ran a node of ARB BBS with a bunch of Commodore 1541ʼs winking and grunting through the night.

Drove my father nuts.

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Friday, February 8th, 2019 Alive 17,454 days

I just found a USB memory stick in the dryer.

This is why old computers were better. Nobody ever accidentally left a floppy disk in their pants pocket.

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Wednesday, February 6th, 2019 Alive 17,452 days

Is it wrong that when I order something online, I choose the complimentary gift wrapping and include a nice note to myself?

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Tuesday, February 5th, 2019 Alive 17,451 days

A blow out on Saint Louis Boulevard

Yes, reusing plastic shopping bags is one way to save on airline baggage fees when visiting Las Vegas.

But in case your oversized TJMaxx carrier blows out a block from your hotel, disgorging all of your worldly possessions onto sidewalk, you might want to have a Plan B.

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Monday, February 4th, 2019 Alive 17,450 days

This is what happens when a homeless guy watches too much Marie Kondo on Netflix.

At least he has the sense to keep the waffle iron.

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Sunday, February 3rd, 2019 Alive 17,449 days

Google marking Superb Owl Sunday

I donʼt often have nice things to say about Google, but Iʼd like to thank Big G for playing along today.

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Very very Vegas

Sunday, February 3rd, 2019 Alive 17,449 days

A Louis Vuitton-themed house in Las Vegas

I came across this house on my way home from church this morning.

At first I thought it was over the top. But the Chinese dog statue and Bart Simpson really tone it down.

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Sunday, February 3rd, 2019 Alive 17,449 days

Iʼm fascinated that Gladys Knight looks like she might just outlive us all.

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Off Target

Saturday, February 2nd, 2019 Alive 17,448 days

I mostly stopped shopping at Target a while ago because it hardly ever has anything in stock.

I tried again today. No change.

It canʼt even stock the most basic of basics: eggs, sugar, flour, and cooking oil.

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Wait till they get to Kohlʼs

Saturday, February 2nd, 2019 Alive 17,448 days

I think I’ve figured out why three-year-olds in Target shriek like it’s the worst thing thatʼs ever happen to them.

It’s because they’re three years old, and going to Target probably is the worst thing that’s ever happened to them so far.

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Friday, February 1st, 2019 Alive 17,447 days

A chilly Walgreens marquee

Iʼm not sure that 60° and palm trees is exactly a winter storm, even in Las Vegas.

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