BlathrWayne Lorentz

Blathring in November, 2019.

Stumptown 911

Thursday, November 28th, 2019 Alive 17,747 days

For the last month Iʼve been pummeled with advertisements for the Portland Police Department. Theyʼre so desperate for people theyʼve started holding job fairs here in Vegas, and presumably other nearby cities.

The ads claim the starting salary for a Portland police officer is $67,000 to $95,000. Too bad Iʼd be terrible at it.

❖ ❖ ❖

Bird brain

Thursday, November 28th, 2019 Alive 17,747 days

I think the best recent Thanksgiving invention is the Thanksgiving panini at Starbucks. If you havenʼt had one, try it. Theyʼre a little better this year because they left out the cranberry sauce.

Iʼm so dumb, it only occurred to me yesterday that I can make all of the Thanksgiving paninis I want with my Thanksgiving leftovers!

❖ ❖ ❖

Wednesday, November 27th, 2019 Alive 17,746 days

My boss was informed that she has to go to Houston for work, so she asked me what it's like. I told her that it's Houston is filled with the most genuine, most friendly, simply best people I've ever met. I said that of the 15 cities in which I've lived, Houston is the only one where I still have friends. I also said that it's virtually impossible to find a bad restaurant.

❖ ❖ ❖

Nice pad

Tuesday, November 26th, 2019 Alive 17,745 days

The emergency helipad at Red Rock Canyon

This is where I go sometimes after work to just sit and think. Thereʼs nothing here except a picnic bench, some tumbleweeds, and the occasional wild horse. The helipad is used to remove the bodies of the injured and dead tourists who donʼt take the desert seriously.

❖ ❖ ❖

Pairs with dog food

Sunday, November 24th, 2019 Alive 17,743 days

Starbucks letting us know its favorite customers lick their own buttholes

Things like this are why self-absorbed attention seekers think itʼs OK to bring their pets into Starbucks.

Protip: If it doesnʼt use a toilet, it doesnʼt belong in a place that serves food.

❖ ❖ ❖