BlathrWayne Lorentz

My wife bought me a new lens for my camera for my birthday. Seems like a good excuse to visit Death Valley again.

Hereʼs Darcie sitting in the trunk of the Desert Truckster, waiting for me to set up our picnic lunch.

The Desert Truckster usually ends up covered in sand and dust after a day bounding through the desert, but it doesnʼt mind

The next owner might, though.

I drove to the drug store today, and realized that I'm still using the same tank of gas I bought in July. And it's still half full. Itʼs hard to believe I used to drive across the country, bounding through the dunes and mesas and tumbleweeds just a year ago.

I left the house today. Just a short trip down the road to Walgreens for medicine and M&Ms. Itʼs the first time Iʼve driven my car since Saint Patrickʼs Day.

It started OK, but it wouldnʼt go. When I tried to move it, it just sat there and the dashboard showed “Transmission error. Place car in N, turn off car. Turn on car. Place car in R or D1.”

Iʼve had a lot of odd problems with this carʼs transmission over the years. Once while driving off-road across the desert in deep sand the screen showed a red message with some gears icon and the message “Transmission overheat.”

A couple of years ago, I had to replace the transmission computer entirely for $400, plus labor. Iʼve also had to replace every single light bulb on the car at least twice.

The engine and transmission were made in Italy. The rest in Serbia. I guess thatʼs why they say FIAT stands for “Fix It Again, Tony.”

Darcie was disappointed with my man skills when I had to look in the Fiat manual app to find out how to turn on the carʼs defroster.

♫ Iʼve got friends in low places… ♫

Itʼs a good thing the motel has this sign in the bathroom. Because I was totally going to park my car in the toilet.

It annoys Darcie when I keep mozzarella sticks in the visor of the Desert Truckster, so Iʼve decided to stop.

Thatʼs a Twinkie.

Worst. Souvenir. Ever.

Darcie loves road trips. My habit of storing Arbyʼs deep fried mozzarella sticks in the visor is something she is less fond of.

Final road trip in the Desert Truckster. Darcieʼs lost faith in the old girlʼs ability to safely convey us across the wastes.

When I ordered a Lyft to go pick up my car at the repair shop, the app gave me the option of taking a self-driving car. Itʼs the future!

I was so preoccupied thinking about my impending repair bill that I forgot to take a screenshot.

If the garage gives me a free limo ride home, I should probably worry about the repair bill, right?

My carʼs warranty expired September 4.

Itʼs now September 20, and the car needs $600 worth of repairs that would have been covered.

Yet another reason Iʼll never buy another Fiat.

“Today was an OK day.” Three minutes later…

Hula girl down! HULA GIRL DOWN!

Today I learned that if you take a sharp turn very quickly, my car thinks itʼs upside down and the hazard lights go mad. So thatʼs a thing.

So, I guess I should stop?

The good news is I donʼt have to look at that annoying “Change engine oil soon” alert anymore.

Itʼs so hot that my dashboard hula girl keeled over while I was driving.

In other news, my dashboard hula girl wears bloomers.

Sometimes in the desert, the road just ends.

Actually, more than sometimes. Quite often. And often quite abruptly, as the Desert Truckster's skidplate will testify.