Blathr Wayne Lorentz

What is Blathr?

Blathring in November, 2018

Friday, November 30th, 2018 Alive 17,384 days

Legs stretching

After a long night of walking the streets trying to convince drunk conventioneers that youʼre a woman, it feels good to stretch your kinky boots.

And using a utility pedestal is a handy way to stretch your hamstrings.

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Tuesday, November 27th, 2018 Alive 17,381 days

A Mob Month poster at a Clark County library

If the library is holding “Mob Month,” you might live in Las Vegas. Or New York. Or Chicago. Or Pittsburgh. Oh, never mind.

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Sunday, November 25th, 2018 Alive 17,379 days

A decorated Mary garden

Itʼs Christmas at Our Lady of the Missing Hands Succulent Garden and Decorative Electrical Hazard.

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Sunday, November 25th, 2018 Alive 17,379 days

Many candles and one cat

Henri canʼt decide if Iʼm decorating for Christmas, or filming a Police music video.

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Saturday, November 24th, 2018 Alive 17,378 days

Remember when we could balance our finances without a computer?

You know — before technology made everything "easier?"

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Friday, November 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,377 days

An administative login screen on the Smashing Pumpkins web site

This is what happens when you try to view the privacy policy and terms of service on the Smashing Pumpkins web store.

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Thursday, November 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,376 days

A half-done turkey

Half way there!

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Thursday, November 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,376 days

Screenshot from the Cornell University bird identification app

A new Thanksgiving visitor. We usually only get the green ones.

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Thursday, November 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,376 days

A passed out cat

I havenʼt had Thanksgiving with relatives in 24 years. But I still have a family member who gorges himself on turkey and passes out in front of the TV.

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Thursday, November 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,376 days

Yaʼatʼéeh Késhmish Yazhiʼ!

Thatʼs Navajo for “Happy Thanksgiving.”

The Navajo have a phrase for Happy Thanksgiving because, as I learned on the rez, real indians do celebrate Thanksgiving, complete with paper turkey decorations, because they know itʼs a celebration of community and giving thanks for the things we have, and actually has nothing to do with Pilgrim oppression, and all that is a fairy tale from white east coast college professors who need to see conflict in everything order to keep the grant money coming.

If the Navajo can celebrate Thanksgiving, so can you.

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Thursday, November 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,376 days

A mostly immoble Annie

Watching the dog show on TV was really inspirational. I think my animals may have a chance.

Annie, for example, is a shoo-in for “Best in Slow.”

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Make it so

Thursday, November 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,376 days

Picard face palm

Watching the dog show on NBC, there's a dog named Jean-Luc Picard.

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Wednesday, November 21st, 2018 Alive 17,375 days

An error message caused by the Nevada Secretary of Stateʼs web site

The good news is it isnʼt just banks that constantly have borked web sites.

The bad news is that the Nevada Secretary of State is farkled now.

I hope everyone didnʼt go home for the long weekend already.

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Wednesday, November 21st, 2018 Alive 17,375 days

I think this is the cat equivalent of a dog drinking all of the water from a Christmas tree stand.

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Tuesday, November 20th, 2018 Alive 17,374 days

A woman pulling branches off of the tree outside my office window

Again? Why canʼt women keep their hands off of my tree?

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Tuesday, November 20th, 2018 Alive 17,374 days

Screenshot of an iMessage conversation

Reason #3,141,597 why most women are glad they didnʼt marry me.

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Sunday, November 18th, 2018 Alive 17,372 days

A bad deal from Papa Johnʼs

I guess Papa Johnʼs thinks Iʼm exceptionally bad at math.

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Sunday, November 18th, 2018 Alive 17,372 days

An error message on the Library of Congress web page

If the Library of Congress — the federally-funded keeper of all the nationʼs facts and secrets — canʼt keep its web site running, what chance do I have?

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Sunday, November 18th, 2018 Alive 17,372 days

Colorful succulents

More succulents are turning red and green for the season in the Mary of the Missing Hands That Broke Off In A Sandstorm Memorial Garden and Lizard Hatchery.

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Sunday, November 18th, 2018 Alive 17,372 days

Colorful plants

The plants are turning red and green here at the Silver Pyramid Cactus Ranch and Pretty Good Cat Sanctuary.

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Thursday, November 15th, 2018 Alive 17,369 days

Help from a styrofoam cup

My ghetto iPad stand is surprisingly sturdy.

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Monday, November 12th, 2018 Alive 17,366 days

Does anyone know of a good way to control feline flatulence?

Asking for Mr. Fuzzynuts over there.

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Monday, November 12th, 2018 Alive 17,366 days

A van with the license plate NOMNOM3

A lolcat must be driving.

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Monday, November 12th, 2018 Alive 17,366 days

The holly and the ivy

My dry cleaner has an entire wall of holly. Hopefully the H.O.A. doesnʼt nail her for decorating for Christmas before Thanksgiving.

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Monday, November 12th, 2018 Alive 17,366 days

A cockroach on the wall at work

One of the bugs in my code has escaped, and is crawling up the wall.

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Saturday, November 10th, 2018 Alive 17,364 days

AT&T telling me to wait

“Give us a moment” has been spinning in my browser for three hours.

I guess AT&Tʼs web site is connected through the ever-reliable AT&T network.

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Saturday, November 10th, 2018 Alive 17,364 days

An error message from Synchrony Bank

Is Synchrony Bank canʼt keep its web site from eating itself, what chance do I have?

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Friday, November 9th, 2018 Alive 17,363 days

Peanut brittle workers at the Mars factory

If youʼve ever wondered how peanuts get brittled, this is it.

Behold the peanut brittlers of the Ethel M candy factory.

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Donʼt be a prick

Friday, November 9th, 2018 Alive 17,363 days

The Ethel M Cactus Garden

I wish I could decorate the cacti in my garden like this, but I just donʼt have the gloves for it.

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Friday, November 9th, 2018 Alive 17,363 days

The melting tanks at the Ethel M chocolate factory

Youʼre melting welcome.

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Friday, November 9th, 2018 Alive 17,363 days

The Ethel M chocolate factory

There arenʼt a lot of women you can take to a candy factory for a date. Darcie is that woman.

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Thursday, November 8th, 2018 Alive 17,362 days

Itʼs open enrollment season again, so I went to a benefits seminar at work. Thatʼs where I learned that we have a party monkey benefit.

You have to actually pay for the monkey, but one of our employee benefits is a service that delivers rental monkeys. It's part of the stress reduction package.

Darcie is going to have the best birthday ever.

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She knows “Zyrtek”

Thursday, November 8th, 2018 Alive 17,362 days

An outbound text message

I can understand Siri not knowing the word “smurgle.” But she doesnʼt know “Munchos?” Do nerds not eat junk food anymore?

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Wednesday, November 7th, 2018 Alive 17,361 days

A woman caught by a bush

If youʼre fleeing from the police, donʼt try to hide under the bush in front of my office window. Because when the cops catch up to you and you try to run, your purse will get snagged on the branches, and no amount of texting will keep you from being frogmarched down to the curb in handcuffs.

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Wednesday, November 7th, 2018 Alive 17,361 days

Woo hoo! Clark County is the last county in the entire nation to start counting votes.

We put the “bent” in incumbent!

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Winning is what matters

Wednesday, November 7th, 2018 Alive 17,361 days

Electrion results

Meanwhile, in Nevada… a dead brothel owner whom the newspapers say police suspect was poisoned by 1990ʼs “Hollywood Madam” Heidi Fleiss after going for a midnight drive with diminutive porn star Ron Jeremy following his 72nd birthday party with a bunch of hookers has won the 36th District.

Did I mention thatʼs heʼs also dead?

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Tuesday, November 6th, 2018 Alive 17,360 days

A Bill the Cat campaign poster

The number of political posts on social media assures me that people posting pictures on social media is an effective way of swaying opinions, and ultimately votes.

So in light of that, Iʼll just leave this here.

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Tuesday, November 6th, 2018 Alive 17,360 days

A man with lots of purses

It looks like the neighborhood purse snatcher stepped in something. I guess he deserves it since he has two purses in his hand and three on his back.

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Tuesday, November 6th, 2018 Alive 17,360 days

Iʼm glad the election is over. Now we can stop seeing those terrible political ads and watch the even worse lawyer ads instead.

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Tuesday, November 6th, 2018 Alive 17,360 days

My desk

Christmas in the cubicle.

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Monday, November 5th, 2018 Alive 17,359 days

Annie

This is not a still frame from a video of Annie rolling over. This is just how she lays on the floor these days.

She really is the strangest thing on four paws.

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Monday, November 5th, 2018 Alive 17,359 days

Schools are closed tomorrow. For Election Day. Why?

Because Clark County needs to use the schools as polling places.

So kids who canʼt even vote get Election Day off.

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Sunday, November 4th, 2018 Alive 17,358 days

An iPhone, and an iPhone X

For some reason I broke out Darcieʼs original 2007 iPhone. Works fine, except web browsing is a mess. So much smaller, thicker, and heavier than a current phone, but it just feels good to hold. Nice and solid. And it has places to grip it that arenʼt the screen.

Iʼm not a big fan of all-glass phones.

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Saturday, November 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,357 days

One of the neighbor kids is learning to play the trumpet. Heʼs terrible, and everyone knows it because he likes to practice outside. It freaks out the cats.

The good news is that heʼs now getting lessons.

The bad news is that now it sounds like there are two people are trying to murder Chuck Mangione in my backyard.

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