Blathr Wayne Lorentz

The menʼs room at the Yale Street Diner features a set of homey curtains. If you part the curtains, you will find… more cinder blocks.

The entire wall is just cinder blocks. The curtain is a facade. The promise of a window is a lie.

Halloween can be educational. In addition to teaching children about math (candy nutrition labels), geography (mapping out a trick-or-treat route), history (Halloween folklore), and extortion ("Trick or treat!"), it's also possible to learn about physics. The way to do that is with a Halloween bubble light.

I don't know why bubble lights went out of fashion, but showing a child that something that is boiling can still safe to touch is an opportunity to learn about the phases of matter, the elements, boiling points, and all kinds of happy physics and chemistry things.

Also, it's never too early to put up Halloween decorations — if they're educational.

People pay Restoration Hardware big bucks to get this look.

I once suggested we frame Darcieʼs underpants and hang them on the wall. But she didnʼt like the idea until she saw it just now. I guess Darcieʼs just a late bloomer.

She hates that joke.

If youʼre not sure when itʼs OK to take down the Christmas decorations, choose from one of the following:

• January 6: The Epiphany
• January 13: Baptism of Jesus
• February 2: Candlemas
• Tomorrow: Close enough

Itʼs Christmas at Our Lady of the Missing Hands Succulent Garden and Decorative Electrical Hazard.

Henri canʼt decide if Iʼm decorating for Christmas, or filming a Police music video.

My dry cleaner has an entire wall of holly. Hopefully the H.O.A. doesnʼt nail her for decorating for Christmas before Thanksgiving.

Christmas in the cubicle.

Thanksgiving decorations for sale on September 7. I guess the good part is that people can stop moaning about stores putting out Halloween stuff too soon.

Not exactly His Masterʼs Voice, but close enough.

This is a way better anniversary present than what I got Darcie. Oh, well. Better luck next year, Sweetie.

If you watch the video, wait till the very end to see the cat burp.

My backyard is full of flamingos and alligators. Itʼs like Florida in here.