Blathr Wayne Lorentz

Appleʼs iTunes software has a habit of upgrading the music in a person's computer every once in a while, without telling them.

But if you're the sort of person who occasionally looks through one's file system, you see it in action, because anomalies arise when automation is allowed to make changes to something as arbitrary as music.

In the screenshot above, you can see the directory that stores a copy of the Tori Amos album American Doll Posse.

Of note is the song “Fat Slut,” which has been upgraded to “Fat S__t.”

The music isn't different. Mrs. Amos still shrieks, “Fat Slut!” into the microphone. But Apple has thoughtfully sanitized the song's file name to protect the sensitive circuits in its modern computers that might become offended by the term.

Nobody tell Fat Agnus.

I have one of the Imitation of Life CDs that was sent to radio stations in early 2001 just before R.E.M. released the album. Today I noticed that the leaflet inside states:

Published by Temporary Music, administered in this and all worlds, inclusive, by Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp.

I'm so glad that music industry lawyers are getting addressing the problem of Martian music bootleggers.

When I purchased Kate Nashʼs album Made of Bricks from iTunes, it helpfully sanitized the filename of the song Dickhead so that my computer wouldnʼt be offended.

Then, sometime later, Appleʼs Music program — the successor to iTunes — upgraded the quality of the song, and at the same time kept the filename “Dickhead.” Iʼm sure my computer is clutching its digital pearls.

I got another compact music disc. Itʼs Substance by New Order.

This disc sounds very different from my Invisible Touch compact disc. Itʼs very crisp and thumpy. I wonder if itʼs because New Order plays electronic instruments, instead of analog instruments like Genesis, and the player is electronic instead of analog.

The compact disc box came with a leaflet inside:

The compact disc digital audio system offers the best possible sound reproduction—on a small, convenient disc. Its remarkable performance is the result of a unique combination of digital storage and laser optics. For best results, you should apply the same care in storing and handling the compact disc as you would with conventional records. No cleaning is necessary if the compact disc is always held by its edges and replaced in its case directly after playing. If the compact disc becomes soiled by fingerprints, dust or dirt, it can be wiped (always in a straight line, from center to edge) with a clean and lint free soft, dry cloth. Never use a solvent or abrasive cleaner to clean the disc. If you follow these suggestions, the compact disc will provide a lifetime of listening enjoyment.

That seems like a lot of work for something thatʼs supposed to be better than tapes.

My uncle Joe says itʼs not better, though. He works for Panasonic and is working on a Digital Audio Tape, which is like a regular cassette tape, but smaller; and you can fast forward and rewind like a compact disc. He says itʼs also more durable than a compact disc. He says that if you get a compact disc scratched, even a tiny bit, itʼs ruined forever, and you canʼt just record over it like you can with his Digital Audio Tape.

My new LASER music machine is good, but maybe not as good as it could be.

The music discs that it plays come in a very long cardboard box, about as long as my forearm. But flat. On the back of my Invisible Touch box it says:

The music on this compact disc was originally recorded on analog equipment. We have attempted to preserve, as closely as possible, the sound of the original recording. Because of its high resolution, however, the compact disc can reveal the limitations of the source tape.

So even though Iʼm playing my music on a LASER beam, itʼs actually the sound of a tape. Hopefully there are LASERs out there that can record music, too, so I take full advantage of my compact disc machine.

I can hear the future.

This morning I bought a Compact Disc player at Crazy Eddie down in Wayne. Iʼve been reading about Compact Disc players in the Science Times section of the Times, and in Omni, and get this — it uses LASERs to play music!

Dad had to go down to a quarry for some stuff, and he let me come along and stop at Crazy Eddie. While he was looking at stereo receivers, I bought a Unisef portable compact disc player for $119. I also got a disc full of music: Invisible Touch by Genesis.

The machine is like a small shoebox that hangs around your neck on a flat nylon strap. Top flips up so you can put silver music discs inside. Thereʼs a liquid crystal display and a bunch of buttons on the top, too. It all looks like an oversized Star Trek tricorder.

The buttons on top are:

• Open
  ⃝⃝
• Stop/Clear
  ⃞⃞
• Skip/Search
  ⏮ ⏭
• Play/Pause
  ⏵ ⏸
• Program
• Repeat

On the left side is a switch to change the power source from batteries to power adapter, and three jacks — two for power, and one for audio line level output. Itʼs strange that thereʼs two for power. The end of the wall wart power adapter actually splits off into two different plugs, and you have to plug them both in for the machine to turn on.

The front has a headphone jack and a thumbwheel to control the volume.

And just so you donʼt forget that this machine plays music digitally, the word “digital” appears four times on the top.

The L.C.D. screen shows the song number that youʼre listening to, and it also counts how many minutes and seconds into the song you are. Thereʼs a forward button to go immediately to the next song! Itʼs so fast there isnʼt even the noise like a squashed chipmunk that my tape player makes when I fast forward to the next song. It also has a backwards button that restarts the song youʼre listening to now. The player makes chirping noises when moving from song to song. Maybe itʼs squashing crickets instead of rodents.

If you open the bottom, thereʼs a place to put ten AA batteries. I donʼt think Iʼll ever use that. Who can afford ten AA batteries? Iʼll just plug it into the wall.

Because itʼs LASERs making the music, the quality is supposed to be as good as can be. It sounds different from my Invisible Touch tape, but I canʼt really say how. Thereʼs no hiss between songs, I noticed that. But the music, itself, sounds different, too. More ringy. More hissy, but not tape hiss. A different kind. And there seems to be a lot more instruments than on the tape.

The Times says this is the future of music. Now I just have to find more music discs.