BlathrWayne Lorentz

Showing blathrs with the tag “Cooking.”

Toil and trouble

Sunday, October 30th, 2022 Alive 18,814 days

Burrito stuffins simmering on the stove

I decided to make my own frozen burritos. For the filling, I had two choices:

  1. Buy a can of ready-to-go burrito filling from the supermarket for $1.09
  2. Spend $15 following a recipe from the New York Times Cooking section

Naturally, I went the hard route.

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Brain freeze

Thursday, September 15th, 2022 Alive 18,769 days

A package of H.E.B. frozen cheese ravioli

This H.E.B. frozen cheese ravioli is “ready to cook.” Is there another option? Does H.E.B. sell “some assembly required” cheese ravioli?

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Transportation artery

Wednesday, August 10th, 2022 Alive 18,733 days

An ad for Butcher Boy cooking oils

If you see an advertisement for cooking oil while on the subway, you might be in the Middle West.

Very wholesome.

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The <blink> tag lives!

Friday, August 5th, 2022 Alive 18,728 days

Me: “Man, remember how V.C.R.'s used to blink 12:00 all the time after the power went out? That was awful.”

My KitchenAid microwave oven: “Hold my beer...”

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Culinary cartography

Friday, February 25th, 2022 Alive 18,567 days

A waffle maker that makes Texas-shaped waffles

This is pretty much the most Texas thing Iʼve seen today.

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Thinking is hard

Thursday, November 11th, 2021 Alive 18,461 days

A column in todayʼs newspaper suggests, “Try a plant-based sweetener like Stevia” instead of sugar.

So what exactly to millennials think sugar is made from? Rocks? Oil? The dried, ground up bones of boomers?

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Wrapped attention

Saturday, October 9th, 2021 Alive 18,428 days

My microwave offering to cook precisely one frozen burrito

Today I discovered that my microwave has a frozen burrito function.

Where have you been all my life?

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Does it rock?

Saturday, August 7th, 2021 Alive 18,365 days

Sabbath mode on a KitchenAid oven

It turns out my new oven has a Sabbath mode. It also turns out to do the opposite of what I assumed it would.

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Up next: Italian chili

Saturday, February 13th, 2021 Alive 18,190 days

A pair of ragged homemade pizzas

Darcie likes when I make her pizza from scratch. I donʼt do it as often as I should because the dough is a lot of work.

But when I do accede to her cravings, I also make myself a “cowboy pizza.” Itʼs made from whatever I happen to find in the refrigerator that is remotely pizza-like. Peppers, onions, tomatoes, bits of random leftover meats and cheeses.

I call it “cowboy” pizza because I cook it in a cast iron skillet, since I only have one pizza pan.

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Shitʼs on fire, yo

Saturday, December 19th, 2020 Alive 18,134 days

I miss having Darcie around to dote on so I can pretend that my real life doesnʼt exist.

Sheʼs still at work, so Iʼm baking her a cake right now. Iʼll probably burn it, like I did with the last cake. And the cupcakes. And the pumpkin pies at Thanksgiving. Baking is not my thing.

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Blue mold

Thursday, November 26th, 2020 Alive 18,111 days

Runny Jell-O

Darcie: “You made a Jell-O mold?”

Me: “Yep!”

Darcie: “What flavor?”

Me: “Raspberry failure!”

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Oh, nuts

Thursday, November 26th, 2020 Alive 18,111 days

A nutmeg splooted in an unbaked pumpkin pie

Grating fresh nutmeg on the pumpkin pie before baking it seemed like a good idea, until the nut fell in.

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Indigestion

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2019 Alive 17,661 days

A pie chart illustrating the amount of content versus commericals in the Good Eats: The Return TV show

I just slogged through an episode of Good Eats: The Return on Food Network Go.

There were 26 commercials for just two recipes!

I hope Alton Brown got a new car out of it, since I had to watch the same Enterprise Rent-a-Car commercial seven times in a row in one break.

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Saturday, March 23rd, 2019 Alive 17,497 days

Spaghetti about to get its ends singed

Someone should invent a tall and skinny, or a short and narrow cooking pot to deliver us from the tyranny of spaghetti-burning overhang.

No, I canʼt just break the spaghetti into pieces. That wonʼt work for Cincinnati chili.

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Saturday, February 16th, 2019 Alive 17,462 days

Cans of Skyline chili

Three day weekend.

Four cans of Skyline chili.

Challenge accepted.

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