BlathrWayne Lorentz

If arming dinosaurs with massive hypodermic needles makes getting a flu shot less scary for kids, then I guess I donʼt understand kids.

Overheard in Albertsons today: “Maddysyn! If you donʼt behave, Iʼm going to send you to school!”

Iʼm sitting in a Starbucks reading the New York Times.

Three children politely stare at me as they await their drinks, while their mother whispers privately to them.

On the way out, the mother quietly explains to me: theyʼve never seen a newspaper.

I think I’ve figured out why three-year-olds in Target shriek like it’s the worst thing thatʼs ever happen to them.

It’s because they’re three years old, and going to Target probably is the worst thing that’s ever happened to them so far.

New neighbors are moving in across the street. Last night the parents arrived. This morning a big Bekins truck arrived. This afternoon, the kids arrived. I guess every day is Halloween in that house now.

Today I learned that blind children are better at decorating Christmas trees than I am.

One of the neighbor kids is learning to play the trumpet. Heʼs terrible, and everyone knows it because he likes to practice outside. It freaks out the cats.

The good news is that heʼs now getting lessons.

The bad news is that now it sounds like there are two people are trying to murder Chuck Mangione in my backyard.