Blathr Wayne Lorentz

What is Blathr?
Showing blathrs with the tag “Cats.”

The only winning move is fusen

Friday, November 24th, 2023 Alive 19,204 days

Annie staring down a sumo wrestler

Takayesu may be big, but Annie is quick. Sheʼll run between your legs, and next thing you know — okuridashi.

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Tender vittles

Sunday, September 3rd, 2023 Alive 19,122 days

The Randallʼs deli case.

Going to the deli makes me sad. It reminds me that I used to always bring home a slab of turkey as a special treat for Henri. He knew when I came through the door with grocery bags that it was special treat time, and heʼd hop up on the kitchen counter and dig through the bags looking for it. He was never a patient creature.

Rest in peace, little friend.

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Zoom excuses

Monday, April 17th, 2023 Alive 18,983 days

Guys, I gotta go. The cat just barfed on my computer plug.

The magic of work-from-home.

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Stalker and skulker

Sunday, December 4th, 2022 Alive 18,849 days

Annie stalking Tina

I donʼt always know when Tina is skulking around the garden, but Annie always knows.

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Hardy Boys rule

Tuesday, November 29th, 2022 Alive 18,844 days

Annie hiding in a bookshelf

New from Scholastic! Itʼs Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Hidden Cat!

Look for it in a bookmobile near you!

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She just wants to help

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2022 Alive 18,817 days

Annie ignores the computerʼs “Rub out” button, and does it herself

Itʼs O.K., Annie. I have a button to do that.

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Isn't it too early for this sort of thing?

Sunday, September 25th, 2022 Alive 18,779 days

A jack-o-lantern and black cat-themed bubble nightlight

Halloween can be educational. In addition to teaching children about math (candy nutrition labels), geography (mapping out a trick-or-treat route), history (Halloween folklore), and extortion ("Trick or treat!"), it's also possible to learn about physics. The way to do that is with a Halloween bubble light.

I don't know why bubble lights went out of fashion, but showing a child that something that is boiling can still safe to touch is an opportunity to learn about the phases of matter, the elements, boiling points, and all kinds of happy physics and chemistry things.

Also, it's never too early to put up Halloween decorations — if they're educational.

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There's no porch light. Is she doing trick-or-treat?

Tuesday, September 20th, 2022 Alive 18,774 days

She's in there. Snoring.

Annie spends so much time sleeping in the closet that I decorated her front door for Halloween.

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She doesn't even have thumbs

Saturday, September 10th, 2022 Alive 18,764 days

Annie trying to use a TRS-80 Model 100

“Whadda ya mean there's no Facebook Messenger on this thing? I have to call my bookie to beat the spread!”

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Sheʼs in for a surprise

Monday, August 22nd, 2022 Alive 18,745 days

Annie tucks tighter than Thomas Daley in the men's 10 meter synchronized platform event.

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Laser focused

Sunday, July 24th, 2022 Alive 18,716 days

Antoinette staring directly into your soul

I thought I was being all clever, using my phoneʼs camera flash to see what was making that noise in the dark.

It turns out, I donʼt want to know.

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Room with a view

Tuesday, May 24th, 2022 Alive 18,655 days


This is Snook, the shopcat at Louisiana Music Factory. Heʼs very affectionate when not sleeping in a sunny window, but doesnʼt respond when asked for advice on jazz records.

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Tuesday, May 24th, 2022 Alive 18,655 days

“When the rat laughs at the cat, thereʼs a hole nearby.”

Sounds about right. If you canʼt trust graffiti, who can you trust?

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Saturday, January 1st, 2022 Alive 18,512 days

Annie watching Oliver, a cat in another window
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Lactose tolerant

Friday, October 15th, 2021 Alive 18,434 days

Annie bogarting my pizza

Annie likes to pull the green peppers and black olives off of my pizza. But only if itʼs from Frankʼs Pizza. If itʼs any other pizza, she just eats the cheese.

My cat eats a lot of cheese.

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His beard looks soft

Sunday, September 26th, 2021 Alive 18,415 days

Annie watching Star Trek: The Next Generation

Sometimes Annie watches Star Trek with me. Itʼs no surprise; all the ladies love Riker.

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Friday, September 3rd, 2021 Alive 18,392 days

Annie eating peanuts out of a can

I really should stop this tomfoolery. But I also want to find out if sheʼs dumb enough to get her head stuck in a peanut can.

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Time for a break

Wednesday, September 1st, 2021 Alive 18,390 days

Annie obstructing the use of my ThinkPad

Annie has decided that Iʼve done enough work for today, and I should turn my attention to smaller, furrier needs.

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If you need some help, Iʼll be asleep

Friday, August 20th, 2021 Alive 18,378 days

Annie observing from on high

Annie has found a safe location from which to observe the Grand Unpacking of All the Things.

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Asleep in the deal

Friday, August 13th, 2021 Alive 18,371 days

Annie sleeping in a shopping bag

Annie is half in the bag this morning.

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“Youʼre like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair.”

Wednesday, August 11th, 2021 Alive 18,369 days

Kitty in the kitchen

Annie reflects on her day.

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That looks comfy

Thursday, August 5th, 2021 Alive 18,363 days

Annie asleep on the heater

Annie relaxing at the Aloft Hotel in San Antonio.

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Roaminʼ cat lick

Wednesday, August 4th, 2021 Alive 18,362 days

Annie on the prowl

Annie surveys our room at the Best Western Plus Hotel in Fort Stockton, Texas before settling down to sleep on top of the refrigerator.

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East bound and down, loaded up and truckinʼ

Wednesday, August 4th, 2021 Alive 18,362 days

Annie keeping an eye out for bears

“Dude, there's a Smokey on your tail. Floor it!”

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Such great heights

Monday, August 2nd, 2021 Alive 18,360 days

Annie sleeping on a pile of furniture

After a busy day surveying the packing of all of our things, Annie snoozes high atop the pile of stuff in our living room.

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Wicker does that to her

Tuesday, July 20th, 2021 Alive 18,347 days

Annie sleeps in a sunbeam in our library.
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Bess friends

Sunday, July 18th, 2021 Alive 18,345 days

Annie creeping around on a bookshelf

She canʼt read, but Annie sure digs those Nancy Drew books.

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Monday, July 12th, 2021 Alive 18,339 days

Sunday… interrupted
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Smoking idea

Saturday, July 10th, 2021 Alive 18,337 days

The lease for my new apartment is very long, but I read the entire document anyway.

It turns out that I am not allowed to let my cat smoke a hookah in the freight elevator.

First thing on my to-do list once Iʼm settled: Buy a cat-sized hookah.

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Sheʼs stalking you

Monday, April 5th, 2021 Alive 18,241 days

Annie peering at me from behind the orange chair
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“Whatʼs your password?”

Monday, March 29th, 2021 Alive 18,234 days

Annie taking my job

Iʼm tired. Annie is going to work for me today.

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Like nothing at all?

Monday, March 15th, 2021 Alive 18,220 days

Annie sniffing a flower

I wonder if a daisy smells the same to her as it does to me.

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Mice are not dependents

Sunday, February 28th, 2021 Alive 18,205 days

Annie doing my taxes

“If youʼd get me a computer of my own, I could finish your taxes a lot faster.”

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Sunday, February 21st, 2021 Alive 18,198 days

Annie being bored

“The boredom. I has it. Play with me.”

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Cats dig skills

Sunday, January 31st, 2021 Alive 18,177 days

Annie ignoring a game of Pong Sports

Annie is not impressed by my mad Pong skills.

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Saturday, January 30th, 2021 Alive 18,176 days

Annie in silhouette

“Does this sunlight make me look fat?”

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Good idea

Tuesday, January 19th, 2021 Alive 18,165 days

Annie inspecting our supplies

“I see youʼre got enough toilet paper to last for the rest of the year. How about stocking up on kitty treats? The good stuff, none of this house-brand Safeway crap.”

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Saturday, January 16th, 2021 Alive 18,162 days

Today Annie sat in the bathroom doorway and watched as I cleaned my toilet. So naturally, I felt obligated to clean the cat box next.

I think just got guilt-tripped by a cat.

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It is the desert

Monday, January 4th, 2021 Alive 18,150 days

Annie reading the newspaper

Today I learned that Annie is in the market for a whole-home water treatment system. I guess I should clean her kitty bowls more often.

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Cheap date

Saturday, December 26th, 2020 Alive 18,141 days

Annie in a box

“Thank you for the box. Itʼs just what I wanted.”

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What a mug

Saturday, September 5th, 2020 Alive 18,029 days

Annie on a bag of coffee

Todayʼs coffee is Kitty Coffee from Populace Coffee in Bay City, Michigan. Of course, your coffee can be Doggie Coffee or whatever you want, since Populace will print whatever you want on the bag. Upload a photo, and add some text, and youʼre done.

The price is pretty reasonable, considering that itʼs a one-off printing. I think itʼs around $22, including shipping.

That said, even though the coffee is good, this is an operation to avoid. When I shop online, I use a different e-mail address with each merchant. Thatʼs how I know that Populace sold my e-mail address to spammers, and also sold my phone number to text message spammers trying to push coffee grinders on me. This is not how you win a repeat customer.

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Adore me!

Sunday, August 16th, 2020 Alive 18,009 days

Annie telling me that itʼs time to stop reading ther newspaper and time to start scratching her belly

Sunday, interrupted.

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Saturday, June 27th, 2020 Alive 17,959 days

About the only normal thing these days is the cat. She eats. She poops. She licks herself. All the normal things a cat should do. Sheʼs never been very bright, so she doesnʼt know anything is wrong. The last cat was very empathetic. He knew when something was wrong, and would comfort us. If he heard Darcie cry or yelp or swear, heʼd run to her side. Now she only has me. Itʼs not the same thing.

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Saturday, February 16th, 2019 Alive 17,462 days

In the street this afternoon:

Neighbor: Hi, Wayne!

Me: Hey, Peter. Been quiet around your place lately.

Peter: Yeah, we were visiting my mom.

Me: Yeah, Annie told me.

Peter: Isnʼt Annie your cat?

Me: Yeah.

Peter: You talk to your cat?

Me: No, that would be crazy. She talks to me.

Peter: …long pause… Well, I gotta go check on the kidsʼ homework now. See you later!

Darcie says things like this are why his family doesnʼt come to our door for trick-or-treat.

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Sunday, January 6th, 2019 Alive 17,421 days

A curled cat

Happy cat, or dead bug? You decide.

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Saturday, January 5th, 2019 Alive 17,420 days

My telephone identifying the neighborʼs cat as a dog

I guess if I never take pictures of dogs, my phone has no reference point to work from.

Perhaps it thinks “Dog = ugly cat.”

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Sunday, December 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,407 days

Cleaning the litter box is a lot more festive this time of year, what with all the butt nuggets threaded together with tinsel missing from the tree like the worst Christmas train ever.

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Sunday, December 16th, 2018 Alive 17,400 days

Annie inside the Atari cabinet

Whenever I break out the wood grain wonder, Annie comes to join me.

She doesnʼt always set up camp in the cabinet, though.

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Saturday, December 15th, 2018 Alive 17,399 days

Henri licking his chops

What a cat with a tummy full of tinsel looks like.

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Saturday, December 15th, 2018 Alive 17,399 days

Itʼs just not Christmas until the first cat barfs up a ball of tinsel.

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Sunday, December 9th, 2018 Alive 17,393 days

Henri manning the magnetic screwdriver

While I appreciate Henri trying to help me fix the Atari, it would probably go faster if he wasnʼt sitting on the multimeter.

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Sunday, December 9th, 2018 Alive 17,393 days

A cat spread out in the sun like a dead body

All it takes is one good sunbeam, and my living room looks like a scene from every Agatha Christie novel.

Except, with cats.

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Saturday, December 8th, 2018 Alive 17,392 days

Totally not a scratching post

Santa dropped off a present for the Annie and Henri today. Hopefully they donʼt figure out what it is.

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Wednesday, December 5th, 2018 Alive 17,389 days

Annie and pizza in bed

I hurt my back this morning, so when I got home all I wanted to do is sit in the bed, watch TV, and eat a pizza. Now I have a furry little nurse to make sure Iʼm OK.

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Sunday, November 25th, 2018 Alive 17,379 days

Many candles and one cat

Henri canʼt decide if Iʼm decorating for Christmas, or filming a Police music video.

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Thursday, November 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,376 days

A mostly immoble Annie

Watching the dog show on TV was really inspirational. I think my animals may have a chance.

Annie, for example, is a shoo-in for “Best in Slow.”

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Thursday, November 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,376 days

A passed out cat

I havenʼt had Thanksgiving with relatives in 24 years. But I still have a family member who gorges himself on turkey and passes out in front of the TV.

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Wednesday, November 21st, 2018 Alive 17,375 days

I think this is the cat equivalent of a dog drinking all of the water from a Christmas tree stand.

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Monday, November 12th, 2018 Alive 17,366 days

A van with the license plate NOMNOM3

A lolcat must be driving.

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Monday, November 12th, 2018 Alive 17,366 days

Does anyone know of a good way to control feline flatulence?

Asking for Mr. Fuzzynuts over there.

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She knows “Zyrtek”

Thursday, November 8th, 2018 Alive 17,362 days

An outbound text message

I can understand Siri not knowing the word “smurgle.” But she doesnʼt know “Munchos?” Do nerds not eat junk food anymore?

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Monday, November 5th, 2018 Alive 17,359 days


This is not a still frame from a video of Annie rolling over. This is just how she lays on the floor these days.

She really is the strangest thing on four paws.

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Wednesday, October 31st, 2018 Alive 17,354 days


“Happy Halloween!”

Annie getting her Halloween on.
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Sunday, October 21st, 2018 Alive 17,344 days

Henri preventing me from using the computer

It really is a miracle that I get anything done at all.

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Wednesday, September 19th, 2018 Alive 17,312 days

A snoring cat

I have a California King bed, six pillows, and four inches of memory foam and I will never sleep as soundly as this cat on the fake wood floor.

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Saturday, September 15th, 2018 Alive 17,308 days

Annie having a grand old time

The catʼs frolicking in my dirty socks. I guess laundry will just have to wait until tomorrow.

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Saturday, September 15th, 2018 Alive 17,308 days

A nap in the sun

What Saturday is like, if youʼre a cat.

Also Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, September, November, and years with numbers in them.

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Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days

This is a way better anniversary present than what I got Darcie. Oh, well. Better luck next year, Sweetie.

If you watch the video, wait till the very end to see the cat burp.

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Friday, September 7th, 2018 Alive 17,300 days

Henri trying to understand the noises coming from the radio-shaped motion-activated Halloween decoration

Not exactly His Masterʼs Voice, but close enough.

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Monday, September 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,296 days

Annie and her shiny friend

One of these cats is an inanimate object. The other is a brass statue.

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Tuesday, August 28th, 2018 Alive 17,290 days

Cabinet critters

I should probably clean out my bathroom cabinet. Itʼs starting to attract vermin.

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Monday, August 27th, 2018 Alive 17,289 days

An obnoxious moggie

Henri isnʼt actually sleeping. He just wants me to stop reading the paper and cater to whatever his kitty desire of the moment is.

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Saturday, August 25th, 2018 Alive 17,287 days

A cat at a computer

He probably just reset all of my passwords to Garfield quotes again.

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Friday, August 24th, 2018 Alive 17,286 days

A monorail cat

“Monorail Cat has reached the terminal station. All change for Roomba service to Tunaville, Darcieʼs Snugglebus to Leaky Sink Central, and Express Sprint service to Litter Box Town.”

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Thursday, August 23rd, 2018 Alive 17,285 days

Not a kitty drink

I donʼt know if this is a tiny intervention, or if she wants one, too.

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Sunday, August 19th, 2018 Alive 17,281 days

Annie trying to take a bite out of a cactus

Annie is cute. Not smart. Just cute.

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Wednesday, August 15th, 2018 Alive 17,277 days

An angry Annie

Itʼs not resting bitch face. Thatʼs actual bitch face. Happy birthday, Annie!

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Saturday, August 4th, 2018 Alive 17,266 days

A pizza box squashed by a hungry cat

He weighs like 15 pounds now. The little Barbie table inside never stood a chance.

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Sunday, July 29th, 2018 Alive 17,260 days

A confused cat

Henri looking to the sky wondering what the hell is going on. Itʼs been 174 days since it last rained in our neighborhood, and the kitties have forgotten what rain is.

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Sunday, July 22nd, 2018 Alive 17,253 days

Today I left the house because the cat was being an asshole.

It may be time to re-evaluate how I rank around here.

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Saturday, July 21st, 2018 Alive 17,252 days

Annieʼs belly

Sunlight. Moonlight. Whatever warms your belly.

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And then he runs into the living room

Monday, July 9th, 2018 Alive 17,240 days

There should be a word for when youʼre taking a leak, and the cat walks between you and the toilet with his tail raised high, and you end up peeing on your own cat.

I mean other than “Eeeeew.”

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Sunday, June 24th, 2018 Alive 17,225 days

Strange text messages

There are so many reasons my wife puts my text messages on mute while sheʼs at work.

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