BlathrWayne Lorentz

If you see an advertisement for cooking oil while on the subway, you might be in the Middle West.

Very wholesome.

If your electric company promotes itself with the slogan “Giddy Up!” you might be in Texas.

And if you trust something as important as electricity to a company that promotes itself with the slogan “Giddy Up!” you get what you deserve.

Why is Lionel Richie dressed like Whereʼs Waldo?

Just when I thought that Linux was the last operating system without built-in advertising, along comes Ubuntu.

iOS Apps are not allowed to use push messaging for advertising. Unless itʼs an Apple app. Then itʼs perfectly fine.

In the Epic Games monopoly lawsuit, Apple claims it offers a level playing field for all developers.

Great! How do I get an ad for my app inside of Settings?

Hallmark took my e-mail address “for [my] receipt.” I even took a screenshot just in case it lied. Which it did.

I now get spam from Hallmark at the unique e-mail address I set up for this Hallmark order.

Hallmark cannot be trusted.

Today I learned that Digital Ocean watches your help searches and uses them for unsolicited marketing.

This is both very creepy, and a serious privacy issue.

Iʼm reading an old paperback dime store novel. I guess this is the 1970ʼs equivalent of a pop-up ad.

Today I learned that Annie is in the market for a whole-home water treatment system. I guess I should clean her kitty bowls more often.

Itʼs bad enough that Apple chooses to show ads inside the iOS Settings app, but this is the sixth time today itʼs spammed me inside the Apple Music app.

Youʼve already got a trillion dollars, Apple. Can I just use the device Iʼve already paid for, please?

I just saw an ad on TV for working at Amazon.com.

A woman said something like, “I joined Amazon to improve kids education.” What thought process was that?

“I want to help children… I know, Iʼll work at a company that sells fake Chinese diapers!”

Dear MiracleGro,

If you wonder why your ad in the New York Times didnʼt result in many sales, itʼs probably because people were put off by the three pop-ups you forced on them when they scanned your QR code.

You must not need customers.

I tried to watch mass from Saint Patrickʼs Cathedral in New York today. Itʼs on YouTube.

Google put 6½ minutes of ads at the front, plus sixteen commercial breaks inside the 50-minute mass. Thereʼs an illustration of how greedy Google and the rest of Silicon Valley is.

Next time Iʼll listen to it on the radio.

You can tell itʼs a childrenʼs game because thereʼs a cartoon.

You can tell itʼs 1978 because the cowboy has a cigarette.

It is against Appleʼs App Store rules to use notifications for advertising.

Apparently, Apple has exempted itself from those rules.

When Darcie was reading the Navajo newspaper, she mentioned there was a sale on new, low-mileage Rams.

This isnʼt what I expected.

If you get flyers stuck to your front door advertising a service to clean the dog pee off of the rocks and AstroTurf in your yard, you may live in the desert.

Come to Ohio. Where happiness is wine and giant pants.

I just slogged through an episode of Good Eats: The Return on Food Network Go.

There were 26 commercials for just two recipes!

I hope Alton Brown got a new car out of it, since I had to watch the same Enterprise Rent-a-Car commercial seven times in a row in one break.

Live now: Adobe sends me spam from a product that I pay for!

Iʼm glad the election is over. Now we can stop seeing those terrible political ads and watch the even worse lawyer ads instead.

Oh, good. Iʼve been wondering where I can get a fair deal on a quality, low mileage used cow.

You know the drill.

Saw this on my way home. So many things to say that I donʼt even know what to say.

I feel like society wants me to…

Once you’ve tried Your Text coffee, you’ll never go back to Folger’s crystals.

Anyone can slap a sticker on their bumper. The truly committed go for spray paint and stencils.

This is why I donʼt watch Discovery Channel anymore.