BlathrWayne Lorentz

Thanks, iOS 16. Can you be a little more vague?

Today is Monday, October 17. My iPhone wants to tell me that in several languages, all at once.

It's nice that iOS 16 lets people know the phone is too hot when it does things. It used to do things, but not tell you.

When I lived in the desert, just having an iPhone in your pocket or on a table could sometimes cause the phone to turn itself off. If you were lucky, you'd see something very quickly appear on the screen about “Entering thermal shutdown” or some such. A minute later, you were out in the desert without a working phone.

Apple, and most tech companies, build their products for the environment where Apple, and most tech companies, are located — San Francisco. When I talk to tech people who work at these companies, sometimes they simply cannot wrap their brains around weather conditions that are commonplace elsewhere.

Another example is iPhone wired headphones. Theyʼre made with plastic that gets brittle in the cold. Of course, when youʼre bundled up against the cold is when you need your headphones the most. That was how I learned about Bluetooth headphones, and got a set of Sony headphones for use with my SonyEricsson M600c when commuting on the CTA in the middle of the night during Chicago winters. Apple wouldnʼt make its own wireless headphones until over a decade later.

I guess someone on the iOS 16 team at Apple didnʼt check for NULL before shoving the date data into the string formatter. The lesson is, of course, that while you never trust external data, sometimes you can't trust internal data, either.

Still, Apple is the single largest company on the planet right now. If it canʼt do software, what chance do I have?

I think this is Siriʼs passive-aggressive way of telling me Iʼm drunk.

I swiped up to unlock, and instead the screen sort-of half swiped left. The lock icon, the unlock instructions, the wallpaper, and a dark overlay moved left, revealing another copy of the wallpaper underneath. Meanwhile, the time, the music panel, and the quick keys stayed put.

Fortunately, all was solved ten seconds later when the phone shit itself and rebooted.

If the single largest company on the planet canʼt keep its services from fudging their Huggies, what chance do I have?

iOS Apps are not allowed to use push messaging for advertising. Unless itʼs an Apple app. Then itʼs perfectly fine.

In the Epic Games monopoly lawsuit, Apple claims it offers a level playing field for all developers.

Great! How do I get an ad for my app inside of Settings?

Siri still shits herself if you ask to change the volume and you have more than one HomePod.

But thank God the latest iOS update has 30 new bearded lady emojis. Carnival sideshows everywhere are weeping with joy.

Not only does Appleʼs Find My app not know where my AirPods are, it doesnʼt even know what to call them.

Two mistakes on the same iOS Mail screen.

If only Apple had a trillion or so dollars to put into quality control.

The iOS spell checker doesnʼt know the name of the eighth president of the United States.

I can understand Siri not knowing the word “smurgle.” But she doesnʼt know “Munchos?” Do nerds not eat junk food anymore?