Blathr Wayne Lorentz

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Showing blathrs with the tag “Snacks.”

Mostly salt anyway

Wednesday, December 6th, 2023 Alive 19,216 days

Cheesy snacks

One of these cheese snacks is “It.” But the other one is “Better.”

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“Will you be my friend?”

Saturday, December 24th, 2022 Alive 18,869 days

An optimistic pizza poof

Such a happy little pizza poof. Just birthed from the Totinoʼs bag, heʼs enthusiastic and engaged and ready to explore a new world of possibilities and hope.

He was delicious.

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Hope makes you fat

Thursday, October 27th, 2022 Alive 18,811 days

Hope is that human condition that compels us to continue eating barren Cool Ranch Dorito after barren Cool Ranch Dorito, just in case the next chip out of the bag is one of the five lucky chips that are laden with the seasonings promised in the picture on the outside of the bag.

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“Thanksmas?”

Tuesday, September 27th, 2022 Alive 18,781 days

A package of H.E.B. Holiday Stuffing potato chips

An object can be both well done, and not good at the same time. To wit: “Holiday Stuffing” favor potato chips from H.E.B.

The San Antonio supermarket chain has leapfrogged pumpkin spice season and landed firmly in the fuzzy, nostalgic quagmire of Thanksmas season.

Opening the bag, I took my usual deep breath of snackmosphere to preview what was ahead, and I nearly gagged. It really does smell very much like Stove-Top stuffing. It also tastes more like stuffing than a lot of brandsʼ actual boxed stuffing does these days.

So H.E.B. gets an A+ for execution, because when someone said “make stuffing-flavored potato chips,” someone else made it happen. But as food goes, itʼs just not good, because when you eat it, you expect one thing and get another.

Iʼll still finish the bag, though. And let the “Holiday” term slide because stuffing is traditional for both Christmas and Thanksgiving.

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For your pleasure

Saturday, September 24th, 2022 Alive 18,778 days

Both ridged and wavy potato chips

Today I learned that there are both “ridged” and “wavy” potato chips, and theyʼre not the same thing.

Clearly, there are people who prefer one over the other, or both wouldnʼt be on offer.

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A fat-free, salt-free, sugar-free snack

Monday, May 23rd, 2022 Alive 18,654 days

Peeling paint at Saint Louis Cemetery Number One

If you were a child in the 1970ʼs, you may recall the crispy, chewy, vanilla taste of good old-fashioned lead paint chips.

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You got any Chipwiches?

Sunday, December 12th, 2021 Alive 18,492 days

An ice cream truck parked in front of Houston City Hall

If the ice cream man does brisk business in December, you might live in Houston.

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Good enough for owls

Friday, June 18th, 2021 Alive 18,315 days

A bag of Wise potato chips

No beating around the bush. I will just plainly state right here that Wise potato chips are the best potato chips on the planet.

Every once in a long while something goes terribly wrong with the universe and a black hole opens up, depositing Wise potato chips at a store near where I live. They are the potato bomb.

While most other potato chips aspire to be like Layʼs potato chips, these are the chips that Layʼs aspires to emulate.

The only problem is that theyʼre hard to come by if you donʼt live back east. And occasionally youʼll get a weird, shriveled green potato chip. But I eat those, too.

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How about some free shipping next time?

Saturday, March 27th, 2021 Alive 18,232 days

A stack of Girl Scout cookies

No Girl Scouts knocked on my door this year. So, thank you, random Girl Scout troop in Utah I found online.

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Tuesday, October 9th, 2018 Alive 17,332 days

A Twinkie in the Desert Trucksterʼs visor

It annoys Darcie when I keep mozzarella sticks in the visor of the Desert Truckster, so Iʼve decided to stop.

Thatʼs a Twinkie.

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Friday, September 21st, 2018 Alive 17,314 days

Apple snack delivery

A hundred people in the stand-by line to maybe, possibly, potentially buy an iPhone if there are any left at the end of the day. Two hundred people in this line for people who pre-paid and have an appointment to pick one up. We get snacks.

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Tuesday, July 3rd, 2018 Alive 17,234 days

I ate so many Doritos when I was a teen-ager that I may die, but Iʼll never decompose.

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Tuesday, September 20th, 2011 Alive 14,756 days

Related snacks

It turns out that not only are Lorentzeseses brilliant mathematicians, we also make fine pepperoni-flavored snack foods.

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