Blathr Wayne Lorentz

“Budget Waste?” I didnʼt even know the legislature was in town this week.

I voted today. That was unexpectedly hard.

I remember when the elections people used to beg people to please come out to vote because so few people did. Now there are huge lines, which is good. But there were partisans standing there shouting at us waiting in line, which is bad. But even though I had to wait an hour it was all very organized, which is good. Except that all of the spaces in the parking lot were taken up by the partisans camped out with all of their gear so I had to park a block away, which is bad.

When you leave the airside of Midway Airport, this is what greets you. On the surface, itʼs a nice welcome message from the Mayor of Chicago. Sweet.

The cynic in me immediately starts thinking itʼs a shameless promotion, and another way for her to get her face out there, like all those craptastic little towns scattered across America with signs reading “Welcome to Gripplebunk; Population 3,122; Cleetus McFasterberry, Mayor.”

But the more I think about it, thereʼs more to this sign. Itʼs Mayor Lightfoot taking pride in her city. More importantly, itʼs hizzonor putting her neck out there and telling people “If your visit sucks, thatʼs my fault. If the train brakes down, thatʼs my fault. If you get mugged on Wabash, thatʼs my fault.”

It's also saying, “If you have an awesome time at Oak Street Beach, thatʼs my fault, too!” But few people seem to associate good things with the people responsible for them. Itʼs much easier to assign blame when thing go wrong.

Lightfoot is far from my favorite Chicago mayor, especially among this new generation. I disagree with a bunch of the things sheʼs done. But at least sheʼs trying to do things. And in ways big and small, she doesnʼt run from controversy or responsibility. Which makes her an old-style Chicago mayor.

When I went to vote today, the Harris County election people gave me a little finger condom to keep me safe from cooties on the touch screen voting machine. Or maybe to keep the voting machine safe from me.

China: “Not every nation wants to be a democracy. The world should be run by what the majority of the people want.”

The rest of the world: “Thatʼs the definition of democracy.”

China: “Hey, look! George Floyd!”

If President #Trumpʼs financial situation is as dire as the New York Times reported last year, does that mean heʼll get a #stimulus check from Joe Biden?

The election makes me look like a screen junkie.

The cable is out. Itʼs not like thereʼs a presidential election going on and I might want to watch CNN or anything.

Good thing I also have an over-the-air antenna. CBS News, here I come.

I will not vote for a candidate who sends me spam text messages.

That means youʼre off the list, Bernie Sanders.

Not everyone is a millionaire like you. Some of us pay for our texts.

Thanks for showing me how little you understand the finances of ordinary people and how little you respect the voters.

Irony: When Mr. Medicare-For-All, Bernie Sanders, had his heart attack in Las Vegas, the place that stabilized him and saved his life is the only place in town that doesnʼt take Medicare.

When I think of all the money Iʼve spent at Starbucks over the last quarter century, I feel like Howard Schultz owes me an ambassadorship or something.

I like living in a place where the front page of the Sunday paper is about the rodeo, and not about a couple of political tribes bashing each other and pretending that one is better than or different from the other.

I call it “America.”

Meanwhile, in Nevada… a dead brothel owner whom the newspapers say police suspect was poisoned by 1990ʼs “Hollywood Madam” Heidi Fleiss after going for a midnight drive with diminutive porn star Ron Jeremy following his 72nd birthday party with a bunch of hookers has won the 36th District.

Did I mention thatʼs heʼs also dead?

Woo hoo! Clark County is the last county in the entire nation to start counting votes.

We put the “bent” in incumbent!

The number of political posts on social media assures me that people posting pictures on social media is an effective way of swaying opinions, and ultimately votes.

So in light of that, Iʼll just leave this here.

Schools are closed tomorrow. For Election Day. Why?

Because Clark County needs to use the schools as polling places.

So kids who canʼt even vote get Election Day off.

God help us all.

Saw this on my way home. So many things to say that I donʼt even know what to say.

Anyone can slap a sticker on their bumper. The truly committed go for spray paint and stencils.

Thatʼs strange. I didnʼt even know Bumoto was running this year. Heʼs not on my ballot.